Hold Me

Chapter 81

As each day passed, Alexander's fears were skyrocketing. When Jude didn't wake up after weeks, he was on the verge of losing hope. There's no God that Alexander hasn't prayed to just so he could see his mate open his eyes again. 

It took six weeks for the omega to gain consciousness. All through those days Alexander was being eaten alive by the guilt of putting his mate in that state. But it didn't stop him from diligently taking care of the omega. The alpha was always at his mate's side, giving him food, and medicine, and checking up on him all the time.

If anyone asked him what hell feels like, Alexander would describe what he went through those six weeks while his mate lay motionless in the hospital room. And when the omega finally woke up, it took some time for the alpha to confirm that it was reality. He dreamt about it all too often that it made him think he might be hallucinating. 

He was over the moon when the omega woke up but he didn't have the guts to spend time with the boy. Alexander was so afraid of hurting his mate again that he avoided the omega as much as possible. The doctor told him that Jude had short-term memory loss. However they were not sure which parts of his memories were missing but they assured him everything will be back to normal in a week or so.

It has been a week since the omega woke up and each second of the day was weighing down on the alpha. He was sure that Jude knew and remembered him as his mate but he never initiated a conversation when Alexander was with him and Alexander never said anything to disturb the omega's peace. He was advised to not ask many questions to not overwhelm the poor boy.

He was discharged soon after and even at home, Alexander couldn't muster up the courage to have a conversation with the omega. Their exchanges stayed short and awkward.

Alexander often brought the things his mate liked. It was the only way he could express affection at that moment. He wanted Jude to know that cares even if it's through silly little things like decorating the room with his favorite flower and updating him about his garden. He wanted to apologize but he was scared of how that would affect Jude.

Getting head-splitting migraines was now a usual thing for the omega. The doctor said it was a side effect of him getting his memories back and it killed Alexander to see his mate like that. 

Alexander entered the room with a tray of food and set it on the bedside table. He adjusted the temperature in the room while asking, "Do you feel pain anywhere?"

"No," 

"Umm…I bought you the cake you like…" He said softly, looking at the bear-shaped chocolate cakes on the table.

Jude stayed silent for a minute before he spoke up.

"Alex…" He suddenly called his mate's name, sending a shiver down Alexander's spine. That was the first time he ever called his name after waking up. 

God, I missed hearing that so much! 

"Why won't you look at me?" The omega asked.

Alexander didn't know how to reply to that so he just stood there frozen as the words rang in his head again and again. He took a moment to snap out of his thoughts. When he turned to face the omega, Jude was already staring at him, eyes glazed over with unshed tears.

"Do you regret it?"

Alexander was beside his mate in a second, cupping the omega's face into his hands. His worried eyes scanned the omega's face, taking in every detail. It's been so long since he held him like this. Jude is beautiful as ever. "Don't cry…." He wiped the tears away.

"I hate you…I hate you, Alex…Why do you always make me so sad?" Jude looked away and Alexander's chest tightened by how pained he sounded.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Jude. I'm sorry for everything…" Alexander stood up. To the alpha, it felt like even his presence was hurting the omega.