I Am not like them.
"Did you enjoy the magic?"
"Yeah I did."I get up and put my clothes on, I don't know how to feel about this, I'm not feeling any better with this _i didn't apply for these to happen. Now three guys are in my life ,my feelings—— which is so hard for me to recognise which one do I love so much?
I am not liking these exchanging of souls and intimacy I'm so confused , I'm not alright.
I smile as the thought of sex comes into my mind ——he is such a performer.
I bit my lower lip as I pull my pants, I take a look at him one more time , I try as hard I can to not make it seem like I don't like what we doing_i'm not happy neither am I satisfied with everything, I can feel it again I am lonely I feel sad. Something strange that I can't explain is inside of me ——sometimes I want to weep and fill my eyes with dampness of incisions of tears .
I realise I am missing something that I am evading away from me.
I can't bare it, it's not right.
What's happening.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm good, why asking?"
"Hannah I know that you are not okay, and atleast let's talk about it."
"Chris I said that I'm fine okay, I'm just tired."
He stands up and dart his eyes at me .
"I don't know why you acting like these but I have to tell you something deep inside of my heart, I'm still mad that you and your friends had me breaking up with the woman I loved so much, in order to help you in these fake relationship thing, and look at me now I am here and I have fucking feelings for you."
His words makes me fervent because I shattered something he will never have back in his life.
These is what I was trying to ignore this whole time ——feelings.
I don't know if I was thinking straight to that after everything I had done .
"Chris I'm really sorry." I apologise , tears of regret begin to hover down and my cheeks slightly burns .
" I love you Hannah and I would do anything to make you happy please."
Our fake dating made me know Chris for who he is but I don't know nothing much about him.
I don't want to take him for granted he deserves the best —— he loves to see the other side of the world where you can find happiness no matter what situation you are in , the in what kind of problem , situation you are in you can be able to get out of it without solving it .
that's what I was doing all this time —love is still around me all this time and I'm afraid to accept that it is surrounded with the people next go close to me , I have to choose which path to follow to find my true love.
I should start listening to my heart at what it has to say.
"You can't fall inlove with me, remember we had a deal and I think we should stick into our plan." I tell him as I make my way to the kitchen.
"Hannah don't get away from these, I know you feel what I am feeling don't you?"
Yes I do, but it's not for you .
he grabs my arm, I endeavor to pull away from him as he use force against me.
"Leave me alone Chris, I don't love you! Okay?"
He slaps me , I hold my cheek , I stare back at him with damp gazes, his face is patched with guilt , his hands shake and step toward me , his mouth in a jaw drop _a shock of awe covered in his mug. My heart pounds fast as I ask myself what is he going to do to me? How did we get here?, Chris slapped me .
"You all the same!" I admit to him .
"I didn't mean to I'm really sorry Hannah please forgive me."
I sit down , my arms claspered together _he sits next to me but I now become furious as he gets more closer to me.
"I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to be like your ex boyfriends I don't care how many of them you dated ."
"Chris we are suppose to stick to the plan."
My eyes continue to damp in tears .
"Hannah I'm asking you for the last time, What do you want?"
His question start to play over and over Into my ears ——something that I've never asked myself about 'what is it that I want, what does my heart wants? and I still don't know how to figure it out .
Who do I love the most ? who makes me happy by all times ?
Who makes me be me , who cares about me and can do anything for me ?_
It's a hard question. I gaze back at him to his teary-eyed eyes and I've being with this pretending—— relationship for three months, are those the strange feelings that I have meant for him or the strange feelings that I feel belongs to someone else that is closest to me?
How do I feel like? I might be loving Chris? Chris is so caring ,loving and very supportive. He made me see the world differently even on my lowest days where I'm unsteady.
If saying what I'm about to say it's going to make him feel better ——i might feel better too. I know that I don't love kristino, I don't love heldan and I guess I love Chris.
"I want you Chris, I'm done with this pretending. I want you Chris." I tell him, his face widens in a big beam of joy ——i should be happy that I've told him what I think is the truth ,still after I told him the truth. . .
I don't feel a relieve, I still have that strange passion, I don't feel like I have said it to the right person but I am happy that I said it to him —maybe that's how love works.
"Do you mean what you telling me?"
A moment of silent takes place before I can answer, I try to combine the words without fear and say. . .
"yes I do mean it."
"Then lets make it real, no more faking let's be real to each other."
****************
ČTEŠ
Till We Meet (Complete)
RomanceA struggling 21-year-old young woman who got in a car accident while coming from college back to her apartment got her leg injured and is unable to walk on her own. But her doctor is more than her doctor --when she sees Heldan she starts to remember...
