When You Wish Upon a Fallen Mӧtley Star (A Paul Stanley x Mick Mars tale)

Chapter 4-A Starchild's Dilemma

Mick...isn't here right now.... he left, he LEFT. He didn't want to apparently, as he'd left a message saying that he would be back soon as he could that he had a band meeting with Mӧtley Crϋe and all I can think of is...he LEFT, he left me the broken freak....'one-eared Stanley'. But really, it's Gene's voice I am hearing in my head and over a decade of abuse talking. I want to be angry at Mick, but then I'd told him he needed time to do the things HE needed. All these conflicting emotions, all this turmoil....and the fact that I've HEARD rumors and seen an interview on tv with Kiss, that Mick...damn it, he won't leave my thoughts.... but still I bet Mick doesn't know, or does he? Gene's eyes were dark, menacing though...he cried for the camera's playing the part of being worried...his words though let me know, he was watching, and I noticed Eric seemed upset genuinely, but I don't trust him or it...and as for Vinnie? His eyes screamed 'death' at Gene, which surprises me for some reason.

I've cried, I've screamed....and it doesn't change a damn thing. And while I am at it, I've just finished physical therapy, nearly overdoing it....and I've just started. I am exhausted mentally and physically and am SO alone. What do I do? Where do I go now from here? No money, no band...no life.... MAYBE I SHOULD crawl back to Gene....

Allow me to break into my thoughts here: as it turns out I wouldn't HAVE to, I nearly did at least in thought or theory.... but to get me back, Gene would have to expose himself, expose the truth. My point of all this, is that I was at a crossroads on ALL levels and Mick at the time I'd thought complicated things. I didn't recognize my feelings in hindsight......and that band meeting it turns out was about: ME. More specifically, Mick lobbying for me to be the rhythm guitarist for Mӧtley, among other things you will discover. THAT shocked me to my CORE, for Mick at his audition famously said, "There's only room for one guitarist in this band and that's me kid." To another guitarist that was also at his audition...so for him to have done this or to have originated the idea.... I've never EVER had anyone do what he's done for me, then Mick did a lot of things I didn't have anyone else but him do and it took me a long time to realize what that meant to me....

"W-What's WRONG with me?" I growl frustrated, sobbing...slowly rocking back and forth feeling like a scared child, thinking.... BELIEVING Mick will NEVER come back. Believing.... the others, Nikki...Tommy and I think it was Vince? Yeah, they won't come back either.

Lost and alone, I mean.... CAN I really walk away from my so-called legacy? Can I move on knowing Gene is out there, waiting...watching? My very escape from him, is a problem....

"Paul?" A voice, questions...hesitant and I scream....

"Go away!!"

"Paul, its me...its Mick." Urgent, apologetic.

I look up and Mick's eyes hold concern, and his gaze is knowing....

"Stop.... just...STOP. you left.... you left.... the others left.... Where were you? You...were right to leave me, the one eared freak...." My voice rises with every word, and I am giving into my anger, Mick though shocks me, dropping the things he has and sitting in a chair NEAR me, and he takes a deep breath.

"Paul let go, get angry.... just let go....and breathe. And that's the abuse talking, and you've been dealing with and still are with over a decade worth of abuse...." This gives me pause and oddly, calms me in a sense, but I struggle to hold back sobs.

"I...I am sorry.... you're right, I wanted to be mad at you...because.... that's...what he.... would do, leave me.... always left behind......and what did.... you talk about w-with your m-meeting?" I quickly am changing the subject, but Mick goes along with it...again surprising me, he's not pushing me.

Mick sighs and begins with, "You." My jaw drops as he then continues, "I never thought I'd say this, but I suggested it to Nikki, Tommy, and Vince...and I would hope it would help you.... but I put it out there for you to be our rhythm guitarist and they were on board with it. as was I."

"What?" I breathed, struggling to comprehend and then the realization set in, and I shook my head, "Why? Why would you do that Mick? I don't.... you.... that would.... i mean I don't BELONG."

"You don't have to say 'yes' just know that its there. I realize it's a hell of a lot to ask especially since we have an upcoming tour this summer..." Mick looks at me seriously, "Paul, I suggested it...because I WANTED to, I mean it. I don't say and do shit I don't mean....and on that end, other things were discussed regarding you....and forgive me for going behind your back on all this."

"You.... really mean that?" So unsure.

"Yes."

"W-What else did you t-talk about?" I can't help but in part be curious, Mick hands me tissues to help try and dry my ever-flowing tears.

If I thought then I wasn't prepared for what he'd already said, what comes out of his mouth next really throws me for a fucking loop....

"You are having a place to stay, go to after you leave the hospital and that would be safe......and, helping you get the things you'd need and they all agreed probably the safest and quietest place to stay would be with me, I have a house.... with plenty of room." A shocked silence fills the room, me hardly daring to breathe, much less believe this is real. This, this is INSANE. This.... can't be real, him spending time and money on me? And the other guys in his band are involved and apparently want to help?

"Mick..." I begin after a while, stammering my Queens accent slipping out fucking mortifying me but onward I go, "This...is a joke, right? You don't.... even KNOW me. You shouldn't waste time and money on ME of all people."

"Paul, someone should look after you. And we're a Mӧtley Crϋe for a reason....as for myself? Like I told you, I don't say or do things I don't mean. I don't do bullshit....and I and the guys put some money together to get you some things you would need..." Mick gestures to the bags he has explaining their contents which include: Hair products, various toiletries, make-up...and other basic necessities like clothes, and the clothes fucking floor me....me not knowing how the hell Mick or anyone knew my size...but the final thing, Mick tears up at and it gets me started as he lugs a familiar shaped....it can't be..., "---This, I put my own money towards since I gather you want something to truly call your own and you no longer have one. Its an electric guitar, a Les Paul model...leopard print....and a guitar strap with your name on it. I hope its ok...."

"Mick." I cut him off sobbing, "You really.... surprise me.... you didn't.... must do this. But.... thank you.... i just don't feel like I deserve all this."

"You DO, you really fucking do Paul. And I have an acoustic for you at my house." I gape at him, feeling like I am on the verge of passing out, mind and body on overload, Mick seeing and sensing this since he just seems to KNOW suggests, "If you feel up to it, how about a walk to maybe take your mind of things...you're still working on gaining strength back, so we'll take you in a wheelchair."

"Ok..." I whisper realizing that right now I don't have the strength mentally or physically and so a chair is called for, and to my surprise.... Mick is the one that helps me in it, and I don't know what to make of it all, everything just feels like a dream....

A/N: Paul's internal Dilemma and dealing with the trauma, surprises and more. Next chapter, a walk with an alien and sadly, after the next chapter...Gene just may return....