When You Wish Upon a Fallen Mӧtley Star (A Paul Stanley x Mick Mars tale)

Chapter 5-Taking a Walk on the Alien Side (Mick Mars)

I've said it many times even before that night I'd had vibes or whatever the fuck you wanna call em', that fateful night I found a literally broken Paul Stanley (his name has since changed of course), with my bandmates/friends.... I REALLY hate knowing shit and being alien sometimes. Paul was nothing like his public persona and I could never have foreseen that his 'make-up' was truly a mask. However, it didn't sadly surprise me at why or WHO if you get me. I stayed glued to Paul's side while he was in the hospital physically recovering at least, the mental state.... was......NOT GOOD. Paul having constant panic attacks, night terrors and the like.... I've been asked many times over the years, "Why did you stay with him then so much?" I meant what I fucking said to Paul then and now, that he needed and deserved people that cared, to be in his corner and it was only later on, as you will see that I was falling for him.....Sadly, the Demon would come to find him not long after the night I took Paul to get air, but before that happens, that is where you will find he and I, taking the night air. Paul still so very broken...so unused to kindness, someone giving a flying fuck...LOVE as it turns out....

Paul seems to still be in a state of disbelief, shock.... overwhelmed and is silently trying to cry, so I don't hear his tears, he doesn't mentally have the strength right now to do too much more. He hasn't spoken since I helped him into a wheelchair in his room, and now...Now, I've wheeled him to a quite place, bit tucked away.... a fountain gurgles and there are a few trees around.

I carefully come to a stop and then sit close to Paul, sitting on the lip of the fountain wondering if I should say something...or what I CAN say and after a few minutes I decide to tell him.... about myself, my story.... hoping ANY bit of it helps him.

"My name isn't really Mick Mars; I mean yeah it is...stage name. Not many people know that it's Robert, Robert Allen Deal. My life has been pretty shitty. I'm, well, I have problems with alcohol and abusing pain pills. I've always been 'the loner', been through some hard shit. My ex's, God....it was only to get to someone else; it was because I was in a band. I wanted, needed to be 'seen', not just on stage, which is only when I apparently fucking matter, but yeah." My tone grows bitter, Paul seems to be listening and still his tears fall, his shoulders shaking, and I take a deep breathe before telling him something that causes me great fucking physical pain, "I have a spinal disease, you are now one of the few people that know. I cant pronounce the damn name, but....it means PAIN.... limited movements and my spine over time, fusing together. There's no fucking cure, but its part of why I have problems with pain killers and booze and why they call me the 'old man.' Ya knows, I've been in some shitty bands over the years.... but with Mӧtley, true there's wild fucking personalities, but I found a place I belong."

"A-And.... you s-still, get on s-stage....and.... play your h-heart out? And.... your name is really Robert?" Paul croaks out after a few minutes'- ", Why are you telling me all this?" Paul fears my reaction as he looks at me flinching.

"Because you're not a freak...you're not defined by any mental or physical limitations. I don't let it stop me from doing what I love. I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone either Paul.... maybe, tell me only if you want to, some things you love doing or would love to do or have?" Paul looks taken aback at that and looks down shakily at his hands before looking back up at me, biting back a sob his eyes swirling with a mix of emotions chief among them pain and shock.

"I am a freak Mick, that's all...I've ever known. Stanley Bert Eisen...became Paul Stanley. Still only one fucking ear...." Paul snaps before sighing, "I am sorry, that's......HIM talking and you don't deserve that." A deep shuddery breath, "I haven't been asked in SO long, what I want to do, what I want to have, what I love doing.... I haven't in so long, drawn or painted, next to music, guess you could say art is my passion or was. I miss it, music.... of course, I want to find my passion again." Mentally I make a note to get art supplies of all kinds, "—I used to love to cook, museums.... roses, I loved roses.... which is why I have that rose tattoo, that damned tattoo." Paul pauses a moment before asking me as if unsure of how I'd take it, "Mick? W-What do you like to do?"

I don't hesitate to tell him in as gentle a tone as possible, "Wow.... I haven't been asked that in a long time either. Well, I love nature...to be outside, the stars...to garden. I even like to read."

I noticed Paul stiffen when I said 'stars'......There's a story there, and I wonder.... Turns out as I'd eventually find it was because Paul had started having dreams about me, my eyes reminding him of the heavens, of the stars, my eyes like the moon to him...

"I-I AM s-SO tired....c-can we go back now? I don't...I need sleep, but....my nightmares." Paul whispers practically starting to get upset. And then he says something he doesn't mean for me to hear but I don't push him on it, "Gene will come for me, Mick.... can't protect me forever. Be with me all the time." I took measures without his knowledge to protect him as best I could while he was still recovering in the hospital, including letting me know if the other members of Kiss especially that bastard showed up among other things and I won't say too much more, for you will see....

"Yeah, we can go back." Quietly. Stiffly I get up and wheel Paul back to his room and help him in bed, making sure he has enough pillows. And I make mental notes on getting the things he mentioned he loved, as well as other things. Paul is so very exhausted, and the thought of sleep terrifies him I can tell, so I suggest. "Try breathing in and out slowly, think of the things you told me you loved, that you missed.... Maybe it will help. Close your eyes, and I PROMISE you I wont let anything harm you."

To my surprise Paul tries and a few minutes later, he does fall asleep....

The nightmares sadly this night did come true and especially came true during a moment when I wasn't there, when I was at my house or what would become our house working on things for Paul.... Still, I did what I could that night to chase the darkness away, because I knew or knew very well what it was like drowning in it.

In Paul's case, he faced his demons...or demon in the dark and soon.... THEY would see the light of day so to speak.

A/N: Chapter 5 is up, Mick and Paul getting to know each other a little. And sadly, Gene will be back next chapter.