When You Wish Upon a Fallen Mӧtley Star (A Paul Stanley x Mick Mars tale)

Chapter 12-On with the Show & Love Part 2

My first tour with the Crϋe or I should say as a member of said band.... was memorable for so many reasons. Really fucking hard to list them all, but.... Chiefly it was Mick, Mick was always central to my memories. Of course, too, I slowly but surely found my stride as it were with the band, becoming more comfortable on the stage. And continuing to bond with Vince, Nikki, and Tommy.... they were a wild bunch in those days, Tommy still is today.... I envy his energy. In all seriousness though, they were and are good guys. I've been asked so many times over the years about did the drugs bother me...their antics, the booze. The answer is NO, NO because I never could or would judge them.... How could I? especially back then, the 80s were a decade of decadence or called that for a reason.

And as I have said, Mick was for me at the core of it all. Mick, God.... that June night, he was THERE. Then I still wasn't used to that, having someone come check on me...my partner checks on me, and that was the first time we slept in one another's arms, I still all these years later remember every moment of that night. He didn't hide me.... He only wanted to do what was comfortable for me, that meant and still does mean so much to me. What I didn't know during this time were my former band members....Eric Carr and Vinnie Vincent, that one as you will see, tried to find me....was worried about me....but I was so damn afraid and it triggered me....so that brings me to 2 months into the tour, or August 15, 1983....I'd just come off stage with Mick at my side...and well you will see.

Hot and Sweaty, my curls plastered to my face.... make-up a disaster.... but at my side, is the man I find that I love very much, I am laughing at the 'terror twins' antics, Vince Neil shakes his head, but his eyes are glued to Nikki.... if I haven't mentioned it before now, they were a couple.... still are...

I feel a long spider like hand, a warm hand reach for mine...and I find myself getting lost as Mick gazes up at me with a look.... that is pure adoration, making me blush.

"Have I told you tonight how much I love you moonbeam? Of how proud I am of you?" Moonbeam, he called me Moonbeam....

"Yes...." I breathe, "I see it, moreover I FEEL it......my moon." He goes to pull me down into a kiss, when we're interrupted, Mick glaring at the person interrupting and I pale as I get the feeling its bad news to do with ME, I feel Mick squeeze my hand.

"Sorry to interrupt. But someone is here to see Paul, says they know him.... It's Eric Carr. He seems worried...." A roadie.... but I am feeling the walls start to close in....

All this time, all these months that have gone by....and a reminder, a reminder of my past, comes back.... the trigger has now been pulled.... Did Eric know? Did he care? Is he pissed because I cost him his livelihood? Does he hate me? Maybe he SHOULD....

"Paul?!...Come on.... its ok, it'll be ok. Breathe...." Vaguely I am aware I'm in the floor now, those arms I am coming to know so well around me, slowly rocking me back and forth, "Moonbeam.... please, you don't have to talk to him...."

"N-No...I....c-can't.... run......triggered.... p-past hurts." I interrupted trying to breathe.

"I know it does...I know it hurts, you've been thru so much for the past decade and then these past few months, it's been a lot...and Paul, I am here for you...whatever you decide." I sob and tremble and I feel suddenly (finally) the sweetest pair of lips upon my own, and I cling to him...calming and slowly he helps me off the floor and I look at him so beyond touched and grateful.

"don't let me go...please.... i..." I take a deep breath, "Cant do this without you Mick."

He tells me I wont have to, that I never will.....and I with Mick following, hand in hand follow the roadie and suddenly, I see a familiar figure....the Fox aka Eric Carr and the tears renew themselves especially with the words that come out of his mouth, as Mick protectively shields me as he can, as we find seats...me unwilling to let him go....

"Paul.... god, I'm so fuckin' SORRY!!...I...I...know seeing me hurts.... i never KNEW Gene.... was so abusive, I-I should have seen it. And I know...you don't trust me......I've been looking for you for months...I...."

"WHY?" My voice small as I look at him and break down further, "AFTER all this time? So, you could tell me how I've also ruined YOUR life? How could the 'star child' just walk AWAY? You.... You.... should HATE me!!" My voice rises with every word, until I am screaming at him and sadly even in this moment, Mick isn't enough to ground me, still I continue, "Eric.... I.... just......CAN'T......"

"Moonbeam....do you want to leave? Do you need me to do anything?" Mick is so concerned and worried and alternates glaring at Eric, being so protective.

"I.... just.... want my nightmare to end Mick...but.... all I've done is run." I whisper.

"Paul, I don't hate you...I never could, I wanted.... I would still like to be your friend. I always thought of you as one, but I understand right now and with all you've got on, why you don't trust me, and it will take time to earn that. if not, I'll understand, but there is something you should know.... that I just found out about Gene." Eric manages to get out and It is this that gives me pause and freezes my blood.... vaguely, I aware...of someone entering the room, and judging by the familiar scent of cigarettes and jack: Tommy Lee. I have to say...it means so much to have the support and then I hear Vince and Nikki enter the room, surprising me. Turns out the three of them, well obviously heard me screaming at Eric and they'd come running to learn of my panic attack.

I am being emotionally drained, don't have the strength anymore to talk.... i don't want to right now, and Eric's gaze is knowing, so Mick asks for me...tone hard laced with pure Venom.

"What did that demon BASTARD do that I don't know about?"

"He's....been seeing Vinny Vincent behind Paul's back, I never knew Paul was in a relationship with Gene, I thought they were just close...but yeah, Vinny.....i went to visit Gene in jail to confront him, beat the shit out of him....and I ran into Vinny, he smelled like that cologne Gene likes to wear and I put two and two together. And.... oh yeah, I beat up Vinny then Gene...." Eric holds up his hands, which I see now are covered with bruises.

"You mean to tell me that the whole time...." I choke out, "Since Vinny joined?" My anxiety mounting, "I really.... didn't mean a thing to him.... i never.... oh god!!!"

Without warning I fall into darkness....

Suddenly I find myself waking up in a bed, a hotel room and I find myself looking into my moon's tearful gaze....

"Mick? W-what happened...i am so sorry......so fucking sorry!! I hope you didn't.... i mean.... i..." Unable to voice the fact, that I hope Mick doesn't think that I still have 'feelings' for Gene. I am now desperately trying to breathe.

"PAUL LISTEN..." Tone firm before it softens, "Moonbeam.... I know, I KNOW you worry that I think you still have feelings for that damned Demon. I know it my heart you DON'T. I see it in your eyes, that you LOVE ME."

"My moon.... it's just that......i really didn't ever mean a thing to him, not even.... feelings for a friend, he betrayed me with someone that hates my guts. Its...not FAIR.... that I was the supposed whore, that I was the hidden one....and then.... this...and this is not fair to YOU. And.... what happened after." I trail off, clinging to Mick with a death grip.... He holds me back just as tightly.

"Much as I don't like it...and seeing how he triggers you...Eric, I feel is sincere and cares, he understands it will take you time....as for what happened, he was interrogated by the guys...and told me to bring you here.... i was...so scared Paul.... you passing out like that." Mick's voice cracks as he gently caresses my cheek, "I want, no need you to know...that I love you, I love you no matter what and I always will moonbeam and when this tour is over, I'd love to take you on a proper date, I mean that. I wanna take you to do whatever you want....and I was thinking after the trial, we could maybe get away just you and I... unwinding somewhere."

"Oh MICK."

Mick gets my message, and he kisses me, grounding me....and the world around me fades away and its just he and I...he and I.

A/N: An emotional and tough reunion for Paul, next chapter will be the end of the road...the end of Paul's first tour with the Crue and his Mick's first date.