When You Wish Upon a Fallen Mӧtley Star (A Paul Stanley x Mick Mars tale)

Chapter 8- Waking up on Mars- (My Decision)

That deep voice I know sadly all too well, that voice.... that I once loved or did I really? The flick of a blade, me helpless.... screaming, thinking NO ONE will save me. Gene appearing out of the shadows, the feel of him on top of me......this is a nightmare, I am IN a never-ending nightmare.... i am dreaming, but it feels all too real.... over and over so it goes, things blurred distorted......

That is until a door opens.... kicked in, Gene is pulled backwards into the shadows, dragged....and all fades to black....

Waking up screaming....and I can't stop....it feels so real, and it HURTS. what happened?!....

"Whoa, hey.... Paul...Paul, its Mick. He's GONE, he can't hurt you anymore.... i made it fucking hurt for you...."

I interrupt scared out of my mind, still very much out of it and yet not at the same time, "H-He's...never gone......he'll come back.... he'll come back..." Rocking back and forth now, panicking.

"I will NEVER let that demon bastard near you again.... Paul.... i am sorry.... that I didn't get here sooner...and I..." I interrupt him, finally focusing on the fact that it IS Mick, and some awareness comes to me.

"T-That...was YOU? It...h-happened? You....h-hurt him? And.... w-wait.... its n-not your fault, its MINE." I am rapidly heading back into yet ANOTHER panic attack.

"Paul it's NEVER your fault.... he nearly raped you, and I...I.... regret not getting here sooner, I was at the house making things ready for you, making them special or...I hope.... when I got the call. He fucking nicked you in the side, you...you have stiches, I nearly killed the son of a bitch...but they arrested him, and I PROMISED he would PAY."

My mind.... i have NO words.... its.... it's so hard to believe....it is.... i CAN'T.... i just CAN'T.... i am broken, ripped apart at the seams.... i should be happy, I should BELIEVE Mick...but I can't....

I let loose some sobs....and.... suddenly I realize, that.... i don't hear beeping noises, and.... what the fuck?!!

"Where am I?!! I'm not.... dead.... please tell me I'm not dead.... please tell me!!" Yeah, freaking out now....

"Paul! Paul.... i am sorry.... I never EVER meant to scare you like this! I brought you to my house, you'd.... I thought, I got them to release you, I thought it would be better for you in a safer environment. We're....in my living room.... but right now, I need you to calm.... Focus on me and breathe.... rage if you wanna, just let it all out if you need to...."

I close my eyes and there is a tiny voice in my head telling me to trust Mick and that so far, he's kept his word, I open my eyes and I see.... a spacious and cozy living room, the fact.... that I am covered with a fuzzy blanket, I see a tv......I see a HOME and I focus in on Mick realizing that his hands, are covered in fading bruises.... he's wearing a t-shirt, and sweatpants and he looks like.... worried, I see pain in his eyes.... his face, not one of stone.... a mix of emotions....and I look around some more and it feels warm...strangely warm and not at all cold, I cover myself more with the blanket...fearing it and all this will be snatched away and i can't explain WHY.

Mick, noticing this says, "I promise I'm not gonna take your blanket unless YOU want me to, not gonna take anything from you. I know its gonna take time for this all to sink in to say the least."

"You promise?" My voice small and then I apologize stammering, "S-Sorry.... you.... you're being n-nice....and...and.... I never thank-thanked you for.... bein' in my corner." I cringe as my Queens accent becomes much more prominent.

"Paul, I promise on my life...and all the 'thanks' I need is you being safe...." Mick trails off in thought and his gaze I swear sees right through me, but oh his WORDS stun me. "I can see you're embarrassed about your accent comin' out, Queens New York, right? I nod. "Don't be, its where you're from and I know this damn sure ain't the same, but I am from Indianna originally.... Terre Haute actually."

"You don't seem like what i expect." I remark inwardly cringing thinking Mick will hurt me.... cause that's what Gene always did and then I apologize yet again, cause I in my head think I sound like an asshole or cold...unfeeling take your pick, but I realize that's GENE'S voice inside my head, but Mick? He, I can tell, doesn't take it personally. "H-How long....um, have I been ya know out?" I finally think to ask.

I feel like I am in the fucking Twilight Zone!! I feel like I fall asleep, this WILL disappear, and I KNOW I will relive everything....no time, no time to BREATHE....

Mick exhales, "Um....2 days." And I can feel my self-headed towards yet another panic attack and Mick, I am coming to find KNOWS shit...knows what to do, as suddenly he's at my side and he is close enough for me to smell his cologne, roses, and sandal wood, I feel him hesitate at first and hold me tightly, instructing me to breathe...and gradually I manage to calm down. "I bet you'd love to get off the couch, let me help you.... if that's ok." I manage a nod, stunned...as he helps me up and I nearly fall, his grip is surprisingly strong...yet gentle.... supporting me, even though I tower over him.... here for some reason, it doesn't seem to matter. Mick suggests showing me the house, me trying to take everything in and he doesn't let go....as he shows me the kitchen, which seems to be freshly stocked.... with...again with being surprised, foods I'd LIKE. Mick makes sure too we go slow, and I am in tears....and I don't feel this is real...that I deserve all this. It's like if I didn't know any better, he's being caring...or is caring....

Upon arrival to the home studio, I see my guitar, MINE.... I opt for a rest.... running my hands along the body of the instrument....and something occurs to me....

I can't believe I find myself wondering about.... i think it was Nikki Sixx, Vince Neil, and Tommy Lee...and Mick.... Mick giving me a home, even though I only feel like I'd bring their band down.... i feel like......I've come to a decision to do maybe FINALLY something for ME because I WANT TO.

I find myself sitting down, and plugging my guitar in....and vaguely, I am aware of Mick doing the same for his...I strum a few cords and realize its tuned...and I feel a strange sensation in my chest as I eye Mick, his gaze knowing....

"Mick, i-I...don't want to live in regret. For fucking once in my life, I want to do something for MYSELF, because I want to.... I've come to the decision, and I only will bring you guys down, but...if you want me...I mean.... i Wanna Join Mӧtley Crϋe as your rhythm guitarist."

This was the true start as I came to see it of my destiny or as it turned our OURS: Mine and Mick's, forever intertwined.

"First off, we'd be fucking honored to have you.... Second, I know what I famously said at my audition and that was because that guy fucking sucked, Third, Paul you mesh better than you realize and you I ain't bullshitting you, you are so damn talented. Fourth, welcome to the Crϋe and if you so happen to be wandering.... the guys have been asking about you, calling you every day.... they've come to check on you yesterday. Plus, they and we are HONORED to have you join us."

"W-Wow.... they.... asked about me? And... wow......" I murmur to myself, "I've heard your music, but can we.... you...I mean." Mick understands what i am really trying to say or ASK. 

"Sure, tell you what I'll start and if you feel comfortable you can join in if you want. If not, I'll just play first......and I just wanted to tell you Paul..." that odd sensation in my chest returns and I feel the sheen of tears, "---I'm in your corner, we all are."

I hope Mick, that I CAN do this....my destiny, my life...shattered and shifted on a dime. Gene in prison? So much, so much on me that I don't know if or how I can ever begin to truly heal...

Still, I have agreed, maybe.... just maybe this could be good for me, I can only hope it will be....

A/N: Paul waking up on Mars Mountain, where hopefully he can begin to heal, and he has come to the decision to join the crue!! Next chapter will basically continue this one, stay tuned!!!