When You Wish Upon a Fallen Mӧtley Star (A Paul Stanley x Mick Mars tale)

Chapter 11- On with the Show & Love Part 1

-Dear Diary. June 25, 1983-

My life....is, I don't even know HOW to describe it. It's like a dream, a nightmare.... for obvious reasons on the nightmare part. My life is and has been like an episode of the 'Twilight Zone', some warped version of Alice in Wonderland...you name it. But the ultimate Point is my life, my world is forever changed and the reason...NO, the person is one Mick Mars, lead guitarist of Mӧtley Crϋe and now...now I...ME, Paul Stanley no longer the 'Starchild' am a member of the world's most notorious band and slowly but surely, I am finding my place....my way. But as always now, my thoughts drift back to Mick.

Mick saved my life...saved me. Risked his own life for ME. I've never had anyone do such things for me and is slowly but surely making me feel worth a damn. He took on 'The Demon' and won, though the demon continues to haunt me....and there have still been so many sleepless nights because of 'HIM'.... Mick though, is right THERE...HERE for me.

And I hid my heart from the alien, my alien for so long...and I truly didn't understand the way I felt when I was with him, but now...that has changed. Mick helped me to see and too, he found out the feelings I had and that were and are between us is LOVE. All of this is so new to me, opening...trusting my partner. All of that is how it's supposed to be....and it hardly seems real that it's been a month since rehearsals and we've been on the road about two weeks. And I seem to be settling in, my first show I was nervous as fuck and had a panic attack, a bad one...Mick managed to calm me down. And Vince, Nikki and Tommy Lee were supportive and good friends, they too are not what I thought.... They seem rough around the edges, but they have hearts of gold. But yeah, the first show.... I had to admit that I'd been missing being on a stage. And that night I slowly came out of my shell. It was miles away from performing with Kiss, the energy of the crowd and my bandmates, chaotic yet cohesive...it was electric. The whole night, I kept glancing Mick's way...shyly, he stared right back.... smiling at me, smiling...eyes and all....

-End of Entry-

I quit writing slamming my diary shut, for two reasons...one, it's the middle of the night on the open road, two...I realize I'm in tears and three, I can't sleep.... I'd had a nightmare.

I hear footsteps, entering the alley.... I know these footsteps and the next thing I know, is I hear, see, and feel Mick. Mick who wraps me in his arms as I sob into his chest....

"Paul...talk to me please. I promise you it will be ok." Gently I feel his hands rub my back and run thru my curls, my leaning into his touch...and I begin to relax...to calm.

"I...Mick...had a nightmare, G-Gene wont leave me alone...and i...I was writing my thoughts in my diary.... I'm all over the place. Its.... late and y-you should.... i mean...I'm keeping you up Mick."

Mick tilts my face up, cupping it in his warm callused palms, I hold his hands tightly....

"You're not alone anymore Paul, and I know he won't.... You've been dealing with so much these past months and the way you're feeling hurts you and you can't help that. And Paul? Fuck sleep, you need me and that's it. I don't give a damn how late it is.... I love you, never forget that and too never ever forget that you are worth more than all the stars in the sky, THAT is coming from the heart. I mean every word."

"I love you." I whisper and then whisper, "I couldn't do this without you...I really couldn't. —" I pause a moment and decide to tell Mick unsure how he'd take it, "—Mick? T-There's something I wanna tell you, its...its nothing bad...uh I hope but..." Trailing off, embarrassed my Queens accent becoming much more prominent.

"Shh, I KNOW it's nothing bad...I can see it in your eyes and if you're wondering.... your accent is nothing to be ashamed of and I mean nothing to feel embarrassed about and..." Here he blushes to my surprise, "It no lie...DOES stuff to me." And I get his message loud and clear and this time I blush, but the moment also gives me the courage to tell him what I have dreamed about. He has yet to let go of me, and honestly it wouldn't feel right if he did.

"I had this dream...about you, your eyes.... your eyes are like the moon, beautiful & mysterious not cold and distant, a reflection to me of your beautiful soul...a blue moon. I called you, my moon."

Tears fill his eyes, and he chokes out, "Wow...oh PAUL. That's...that's....no one has ever said that to me and it means even more to me its coming from YOU. If I am your moon, and your moon I'll gladly be then you can be my moon beam." My eyes widen and soon I am in tears.

"Mick..." I whisper and slowly, our lips come together in an emotional and beautiful kiss.... he pulls me closer to him to deepen it and I am lost....

After parting for breath, exhaustion hits me....and I don't think I'll make it to my bunk. We're here in the back alley and I don't wanna move. And Mick sensing my dilemma says....

"Paul? I am gonna go get some blankets and stay here with you."

"Mick, no...you don't have to do that...what about your back?" I protest.

"Moonbeam..." I melt at the way those words fall from his lips, "---My pain doesn't matter when I am with you. I'll be right back." A kiss and he is gone and only to reappear moments later with some pillows and blankets and I am surprised THIS time he is the one to be shy. "If you want...I was wondering if.... I could hold you while we get some sleep. I thought it may help." On the latter part of that statement, I know Mick is referring to my nightmares and I am finding it very enduring and sweet of him, again something I am still working on getting used to.

"Yes..." I whisper, "I would love that." I get up and insist on helping him with the pillows and blankets and when I am with him, I don't see our height differences...I just see HIM.....it seems I blink and thankfully the couch is wide enough for two, and I find myself in Mick's arms, my head on his chest, arms wrapped around one another for the first time and it once more has me in tears.

"Sleep Moonbeam, I'll be here when you wake...and I will see you in your dreams and I will be there to fight off your nightmares. I love you, Paul."

"Love you too." I murmur and give into sleep, and I begin to dream....and its bittersweet but it's not a nightmare....

It seems to me that Mick is leading me somewhere, a spot in our backyard telling me he has a surprise for me, gently leading me by the hand....and my free hand is on my rounded and firm stomach, meaning I am pregnant.

"Close your eyes." I reluctantly do so, and I am further lead until we at last come to a stop and I open my eyes and burst into tears, touched to my CORE at what is before me.

"Mick?" I croak.

"I wanted to do this for you, to honor the memory of the child...that you lost." I continue to sob and observe the beautiful memorial, an angel.... the words, 'In Memory of our beloved little Starry-Moon'. Inscribed upon it.

"This...means so much to me, more than you could ever truly know. THANK YOU," I choked out.

"And that is why the precious baby you carry, OUR precious baby.... will come to know of their older brother or sister....and I will protect and love you both with everything I am. Truly, I think of the baby you lost as my own. I love you Paul...I love our children so much more than words can ever say."

A/N: The Tour is underway, some late-night TLC and more. Stay tuned for part 2!