When You Wish Upon a Fallen Mӧtley Star (A Paul Stanley x Mick Mars tale)

Chapter 10- Our First Rehearsal (Mick Mars)

Some time has passed.... about 2 months or so. It now being May and Mӧtley are starting rehearsals. These past few months have been such a fucking whirlwind I hardly know where to begin but begin I shall. In part or a large part because of Paul and for Paul really.... we've bonded, slowly but surely.... he has still had nightmares where he wakes up screaming that bastard's name...and then.... mine, that he doesn't know I know about, or he doesn't remember, or does he? And Paul has turned out to be right, the fall out for Kiss.... has been fucking hard on him, he's had to do press...interviews and the like, reliving his pain. I and the guys have tried to protect him where we could...and then as if all that wasn't enough......let's get back to the band stuff: Paul signing a contract, where our management and the band went over thoroughly with him, we didn't want him blind...or going in blind. Then there were the stage outfits, Paul being floored that we let him design his own, that suited him but keeping in line with the 'Shout at the Devil' theme...and the album that has just been released not too long ago and already a hit. Vince, Tommy, and Nikki have welcomed Paul as one of our own, he IS.... slowly, Paul is bonding with them and making friends.... he is my friend, or maybe.... i haven't thought of it till now, he is becoming more than that to me.... more than that.

And here we are: Our first rehearsal......

My mind is right now anywhere but where I am at, I'd say that so far rehearsals are going well. Paul though has been quiet, yet.... His talent, his playing has really given us more of a punch. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's doing us proud, but I and the guys are looking on him with concern, especially since the tears start to roll.... i catch Nikki's eyes and he nods and calls for a break, and Paul breaks down.... i rush to his side, Vince, Nikki, and Tommy near but giving us...him...space.

"Mick, why don't we take a break? We'll go get something to eat and bring you guys something back." Nikki says lowly, as I attempt to comfort Paul...who curls in on himself.

"Ok." I whisper back, "thank you." And the three of them are gone and I turn to Paul sitting near him and I begin to speak hoping my words that I can calm him. and it hits me, his past experiences in the studio.... he's been triggered, that's part of it I have a feeling. "Paul.... i know something is wrong, bothering you.... something has been triggered, bad memories at least in part." These words make Paul's head jerks up, his eyes wide. I sigh, "---I would NEVER force you to tell me, but....it may help you in the long run to say what's on your mind. But I leave it up to you. I know you're overwhelmed emotionally, and mentally.... having to answer questions about what you've been through, at least enough that everyone gets the picture. Then there's what will happen when that bastard stands trial....and the band, it's a lot I can only truly imagine. But Paul, I mean it when I say you're doing us proud, the band...I am proud of you. I hope you know. The guys left to get something to eat, to give you space.... I... just hope I am helping."

I haven't wanted to admit to myself.... i haven't...OH MY GOD......him saying MY name in sleep, him dreaming about me......there is something about him, I've never ever felt like this before.... around anyone, Paul and I have a special bond...true he is bonding with the guys, but...me, he listens. And I realize now, I see him as more than a friend.... but I don't want to hurt him or overwhelm him further.

Paul, who is still in tears, but much calmer, looks at me in a way that I don't think he realizes before his features cloud over once more in sorrow. "Do you really want to know?" Paul shakes his head and sighs shakily, "You're right.... about all of it. I have bad memories of being in the studio, the things Gene would do to me behind closed doors...the things he'd whisper, I was his whore...his shame, his cash cow. He'd.... he'd hurt me.... i got to where I hated being alone with him......" Paul trails off in memory before telling me, "Things were always tense in the studio...I was always quiet because if I said ANYTHING, Gene would hurt me later....and then.... there was the 'Hotter than Hell' photo shoot.... i don't really remember anything, I was drunk off my ass, THAT I do know....but I believe that's what started our so called relationship, the last thing I vaguely remember was....oh god, the station wagon.....they locked me in there for my safety, but....i woke up...they told me Gene took me home.....and when I woke up I was in my apartment and....i was naked and sore, my entrance was....there was a bit of blood on sheets, I don't...I mean, I think....Gene may have raped me." I take a chance and move closer and to my surprise he practically dives into my arms sobbing into my chest.

"Oh PAUL.... i know that was hard for you to tell me, but I am proud of you.... for telling me. I promise in time things will get better..." I take a chance and gently stroke his back, surprisingly it seems to calm him or maybe I SHOULDN'T BE surprised. Paul pulls back to look at me....

"Y-You.... you're PROUD of me... I'm not used to.... all this...having anyone care...and I.... I.... you STILL WANT to have something to do with me? Knowing I'm used goods? Gene did horrible stuff, and I had to watch.... him chase after....and hell was forced to have 'three-some' with him...and still you're here? WHY? Why'd you have to be so.... i don't know why...you are the only one who...." Paul trails off before looking petrified at me but also resolved, "Can you help me figure something out?" I feel my own eyes widen, before I soften my gaze, what I hope is softer.

"Anything Paul, I promise you."

"Why do I feel safe with you? You get me.... i mean in ways no one ever has; you saved my life.... HELPED me, you're always there to fight away my fears, you always do special things for me, you treat me.... like I matter, like.... i dream about you, I have for a while now.... i haven't trusted it, I don't know what it all means."

"Paul, I think you do know deep down, so do I.... it's been SO long, since...." I take a deep breath and continue, "I've felt the things I've felt around you...the way I treat you, the way.... i feel TALL, seen.... There's always been something about you. And it taken me a long time to realize, and I don't want to overwhelm you even more.... but.... i see you as more than a friend, and I think you see me the same way.... I've realized I've fallen for you."

"A-Are you saying you love me? And.... that I love you? Is what I feel or have felt.... really love? You promise you won't hurt me? I don't know what an actual relationship is like...." Paul is so unsure and afraid.

"Paul YES.... it's real....so damn REAL. I'd never ever willingly hurt you.... a real relationship is supposed to be a partnership, supporting, and leaning on one another, which I believe we've been doing." I don't hesitate to tell him, I too in tears.... I never could have imagined this. "I am sorry for thinking I'd overwhelm you even more, so if you wanna take things slow or not at all, it's OK."

"I TRUST you.... i wanna do this....and do this with you, all of it Mick. And.... can you show me what you mean?"

"Yes..." A gentle hand on his cheek, I lean in and do something I'd never dreamed of doing, I kiss him.... Slowly, sweetly pouring all my feelings into it, he stiffens a bit at first but then he relaxes and responds back, with just as much passion.

"Mick? Can you....do it again?" Paul asks afterwards.

"Yes..." and I lean in once more to capture his soft, soft lips with my own.

After our conversation and what turned out to be our confession and realizations the guys came back with lunch and I think they knew, Paul and I didn't bother to hide it.... It took me, took us a long time to realize our feelings, and together we would learn, and I'd catch him when he fell.... like with what is coming down the line with the Demon's trial and.... while on tour, a visitor from Paul's past....

A/N: I wasn't originally going to have them confess so soon, but in writing this chapter it felt right. Next chapter the Tour Begins....