VOL 3 Chapter 6 Doubts Affecting the Heart

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Karuizawa POV

I'm actually surprised at how dumb I can be, no, how mega dumb I am.

I had no reason to take it out on Hachiman. He doesn't even know why I'm mad.

Why am I mad anyway?

I don't know, when I see his face it bothers me and my chest starts to hurt, damn it, but that doesn't mean I can freely insult him on a whim. I'm really confused right now. May be that's what they call love, however my position would never allow it, after all I'm Yousuke-kun's (fake) girlfriend, meanwhile Maya -chan seems to have a Crush on him and Matsushita also shows a bit of reservation towards him, sometimes I wish the fake relationship was with him.

What the heck am I thinking?!

My thoughts are wandering too much, from just the thought going through my mind, my cheeks start to heat up.

Who would want to be with him?

After all he is cynical, annoying, sarcastic, kind, kind, strong, smart, intelligent, mature, cool................

This is bad! I'm in love with him!

How can I fall for him so easily? When he doesn't even look at me with those eyes.

Now I remember the reason for my annoyance. It's because he confessed to Ichinose-san, I never saw him as the type to approach popular people, that just tells the charisma that girl has. Still it bothers me, just the thought of him being with someone else, makes me start to hate this feeling. Of course he's not to blame for the tantrum I'm throwing.

I went too far that even his friend Sakura-san who is usually very quiet raised her voice to help him. It depresses me because I would like to be by his side.
It's a childish wish I have but after what I did I don't think he wants to see me again.

It's obvious who would want to be with a girl who only makes a fuss when she's around him.

I would at least want to apologize to him.

As I'm sinking into my depression picking up the branches, I notice a silhouette approaching me.

Hachiman: What bug bit you?

Kei: Ha-Ha-Hachiman, what are you doing here?

Hachiman: I just wanted to talk to you.

Kei: Ummmmmmmm, what do you want?

Hachiman: I just wanted to know why you are so defensive.

It's obvious that he was going to notice, but it takes a lot of guts to ask directly. A girl won't answer you so easily.

But this is my chance to apologize.

Kei: I'm a little upset.

Hachiman: I can tell, why is that?

As I guessed you have no idea. I'd better explain, even though it might raise even bigger doubts, I'll bear the embarrassment.

Kei: I heard that you confessed to Ichinose-san.

I said it, I know it sounds like a claim that will reach deaf ears after all, he and I are nothing, not even friends, it's a frustrating feeling.

I see his face starting to show myriad reactions, first he puts on an annoyed face, then he puts on an expression that seems to say "not this again", then he changes it to one of understanding and finally of decision. It's an unexpected set.

Maybe he realized my feelings, this terrifies me and at the same time makes me expectant for his answer.

Hachiman: Karuizawa, you're worried that by dating someone I'll leave you aside, don't worry that won't happen.

Somehow I feel he is taking it the wrong way, should I correct it?

Hachiman: Remember that I will always be by your side watching you, that's not going to change.

Huh?

Ehhhhhhh?

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?!

I'll always be by your side?!

That sounds more like a declaration of love than anything else, where did he get such a cheesy phrase, and the worst thing is that it's working, my heart is beating a mile a minute, is this guy aware of what he's saying?

My thoughts are swirling in a chaos that I can't explain. Calm down, calm down, Hachiman is not the type to drop such a big bomb with a serious face, or so I think.

After saying that, we were silent, we kept picking branches in silence. This is my chance.

Kei: You know, Hachiman.......... I'm sorry for saying you were a pervert,and annoying and weird, even if two of them are true, it's not fair for me to say it so brutally to you.

Hachiman:Karuizawa-san if you are going to apologize,avoid saying such rude things in the middle.

Kei:I don't know what you mean...... tee hee.

Hachiman: Acting cute all of a sudden won't save you. Well as long as you've learned your lesson I'm going to be magnanimous and accept your apology.

Kei: ugh, you sounding so condescending just makes me want to take it back.

Although inside I'm happy that he forgave me, of course, I can't say it to his face because it would just get more irritating.

I have to start taking ground, there are several girls who are way ahead of me.

Kei: Hey Hachiman, why don't you call me by name?

Hachiman: Did you really get bitten by a strange bug? You're starting to get delirious.

He comes back with his sarcastic answers.

Kei: Mouuuuu, what's wrong?

My cheeks puff out in a pout. What a complicated guy.

Hachiman: Wouldn't it be bad if a guy other than your boyfriend starts calling you names?

He has a valid point.

Kei: Yet you call other people by name and it doesn't mean you're in a relationship with them.

Hachiman: It's because they are my friends, Karuizawa, are you asking me to be friends?

huh? Well you can categorize it that way, I think it's a good start.

Kei: ......yes.

Hachiman: what a peculiar way to ask, yet the combination of the two of us is quite unusual to say the least. Your reputation would fall apart.

I don't care about that right now, even though I fought hard to get it, I'd like to be friends.

Besides there's a phrasing I can't understand, it says my reputation would fall apart, wouldn't the opposite be true?

After all, the gossip about him is pretty good among the girls in the class, like he's very mature, quiet, kind, and among other things I can't mention.

Kei: You make a lot of trouble to be friends.

Hachiman:.....I know, don't blame me if things go wrong in that case, Kei.

Thump, thump, thump, thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump.

My heart is like a drum that won't stop, this is bad, if I knew this would have this effect I'd better not have done it, but there's no time for regrets.

Kei: Ujum, all right, you pass this time, Hachiman.

I can't stop my cheeks from blushing, Hachiman only looks at me with a confused look and a raised eyebrow.
Is this guy maybe dense? It would be very strange, since he shows quite a bit of wit in class.
Hachiman: Okay, my question is, do I have to call you that in public too?

I should stiffen my resolve and tell him that of course, so it would be seen that I'm also in the game.

Kei: O-of course, of course.

Fail, fail completely, it's still difficult to demonstrate this facet so easily.

Hachiman: *sigh* we'd better get back,it seems we have enough branches.

As we talk we receive branches, it's an action we unconsciously did. I think I have about ten kilos in branches, I think that would be enough.

I turn to look at Hachiman, and I am perplexed.

He has a lot of branches accumulated, many would be little, I estimate he has five or six times what I collected. I knew he was strong from what he told me, but is it okay to overexert himself?

He prepares to return to the road, and when he sees that I am not following him, he turns to me.

Hachiman: What's wrong, do you need help?

Kei: Eh? no, let's keep going.

This guy even offered to help me, he doesn't seem to be making any effort.

With that we continued to the meeting point, where all the girls were waiting for us.

As expected all of them were also surprised to see the amount Hachiman brought, Maya-chan is the first to speak.

Maya: Hikigaya-kun, do you need help?

Hachiman: Huh? There's no need.

Matsushita: We carry more little than you, so it would be better if we distribute them.

Hachiman: But it really doesn't weigh anything.

Is this guy listening to himself? If we compare the amount between all of us and his, he would win without any problem.

Kei: I think we'd better keep moving forward.

With a crooked smile on my face I urge to return to him camp, Maya-chan and Matsushita-san, look at each other and agree, Sakura-san also says nothing.

We follow the way, quietly, Hachiman goes to the front. Sakura-san behind him for a meter more or less. And we three behind them, maybe I have a chance.
While Maya-chan and Matsushita-san are talking, I go a little ahead towards Sakura-san, despite talking about it with Hachiman, it is still very difficult to approach girls with whom I don't talk much, I know that sometimes I force myself to look like a territorial girl which makes it difficult for me to make friends.

Maybe it's like Hachiman said, I should try different people, that way I don't go back to being an empty shell.

I get to her side. And started to talk.

Kei: Sakura-san

Sakura: gahh, Ka-karuizawa-san.

She hops like a rabbit that was caught, I'm not that scary. As I guessed my image is very authoritative.

Kei: This, I wanted to thank you, I know my attitude was not the right one, thank you very much for defending him, you made me see what I was wrong.

Sakura: Eh? There's nothing to thank, I just want to defend my friend.

Her expression tells me that she is lost, I didn't blame her the character I am playing makes me feel distant, so listening to the apologies of such a person makes the image feel contradictory. This is why I decided to break out of the mold, Hachiman already gave me a time limit that will be fulfilled, I have to give my best if I want to change.

Kei: Sakura-san is quite kind. You know I'd like to go out sometime together.

Sakura: Are you sure? Karuizawa-san

Kei: Of course, I've always been curious about you. So after all this exam is over let's go out to Keyaki. What do you think?

Sakura: Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, I think it would be fine.

Her shyness reminds me a little bit of me, maybe because I was the same for a while, I couldn't talk to strangers without feeling nervous. I have to take it easy while making lifestyle modifications. Yes, one step at a time.

Kei: Of course it's no bother, it's the opposite, I would like to get to know you more.

Sakura: okay.

With this the atmosphere between us became less awkward, and the road became shorter, it will be the conversation with Hachiman but my mood turned 180 degrees.

Now I can be focused on this Damn exam, honestly who would ever think of taking an exam on a deserted island, it's something that only happen in manga or anime, luckily this fool is pretty good at leading and organizing the class, I can't imagine such a chaotic situation we would be in. That just adds up to points as boyfriend material, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, stop thinking about it, damn, someday I'll make this guy pay for making a mess of my thoughts.

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