Adopted By 5 Seconds of Summer

Chapter 42

(Okay, so um, this is triggering so please read with caution)

Jordan's point of view

You know those nights that you just stay up late because your mind can't stop racing? Those nights when you just sit in a place alone and play music that describes how you feel so you don't feel alone? The nights when you're sad enough to cry, angry enough to break things, but numb to the point your body physically cannot do anything so it leaves you with frustration?

Yeah, it was one of those nights.

'Perfect' by Simple Plan played out of my phone and I just pulled my knees up to my chest as the warm summer wind blew. I was outside so I don't wake anyone up and so no one can see me. I didn't want anyone to see me at the moment.

In front of me was a few paper towels and a razor blade from one of my pencil sharpeners. I eyed the two while my mind debated if I should or if I should not. I didn't want to break my promise, I truly did not, but I just felt so much pain in my chest and I longed for it to go away again. Just like it did last time.

I looked around, seeing no one in sight. I didn't think anyone would be in the backyard at the time, but I just needed to make sure. I didn't want anyone catching me like this again. I couldn't let them catch me again.

My stomach twisted with guilt as I eyed the piece of metal that shined in the moonlight. I promised Timothy I wouldn't, but here I am again. Another thing that was getting to me was the fact I was screwing the guys' career, and lives even, up. I was messing them up with my problems.

I was even annoying people on the internet. People hated me on there. It seemed I couldn't do anything right, especially towards the guys' fanbase. They just seemed to hate me. I'd probably hate me too because I'm the cause their tour is being pushed back.

I grabbed the cold metal and looked at my wrist where the old scars were. I placed the blade on my wrist, right under the last scar and pressed down, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to feel it dug into it.

'Emo freak'

'Publicity stunt'

'Unloved'

'Worthless'

'Irrirating'

'Why would our boys love you when your own parents didn't even love you?'

'Bitch'

'Murderer'

I blinked as my eyes watered and then slid the blade across my wrist again. I sniffled and then looked at the cut as I bled. I placed the blade right under it again, doing the same to try and stop this pain in my chest and the guilt in my stomach.

I bit into my lip and my wrist stung and hurt, momentarily pulling me from my hurting chest. I could taste blood in my mouth and I just ran my tongue over the small cut.

The song was changing since I had it on shuffle and I sniffled. I placed the blade down on my wrist again but I couldn't move it once I heard the all to familiar guitar chords and lyrics play.

"Life's a tangled web..."

I instantly thought of Timothy and Ashton as the song played and then covered my mouth. Tears fell as I realized what I did and I dropped the blade.

I grabbed the tissue from under my phone and pressed it against my wrist. How disappointed would they be in me? How mad have I just made them? How will Ashton react? How will Timothy react?

I cried into my arms that I just folded over my knees and I shook my head. I'm an idiot. I can't do anything right. I can't when keep a simple promise. I just disappoint everyone, don't I?