🧍
"So...um...this is a little awkward..." My mother said as she was in front of the entire state of Ohio, "Uh- my kid apparently just jumped off a cliff. And I got the footage."
Everyone in Ohio gasped, as they were too stupid to realize people could actually die. "Are you sure the video of your kids so called 'death' isn't fake Mrs. Random Person?" Asked one dedicated Ohio resident.
"No she's very much dead now."
"Show us the footage!" Said another Ohio resident.
"Well it's probably a massive invasion of privacy, so sure, why the heck not."
My mother moved the video from her phone onto the screen which previously held a presentation showing all the horrible things Ohio has done in the past. The video played, and it showed me just straight up bouncing off the cliff. Not jumping, bouncing. The cliff somehow had the same...idk how to phrase it...texture?- of a bouncy house, and I fell victim to it. The video ended and everyone in the audience stayed silent. That is, until the one smart person in Ohio talked.
"May I ask, how is that even possible?"
"It involves my kid, she can pretty much break the laws of physics if she wants to."
She was right. I previously had broken the laws of physics before, but to save her the heart attack, I never told her. The whole reason why I can is actually low-key traumatic, but I want to save my trauma dump for when I inevitably end up auditioning for America's Got Talent, so you'll get to hear it when I'm famous.
Although I could actually tell you since- Y'know, im dead. From the last time I checked I don't think they allow corpses to be on America's Got Talent.
(idk where that was going tbh.)
(please don't murder me for the Ohio jokes this was January 😭)
