Wrong House

16: Oaklynn

        He left. He told me he's in love with me, and then left.

        I don't know about you, but I've never in my whole eighteen years of life been told by a guy that he loves me. So of course I didn't know how to respond, and I definitely didn't think he'd drop all that on me and then leave. The moment he left, my eyes teared up. From the fact he told me he loved me and the fact that he left right after.

        Not long after he left my room, I decided to follow him, but when he wasn't in his room, I went back to mine. I let an hour pass before going back into his room. When I did, he was on the phone with his dad, and some really pretty lady. I know I shouldn't have, but I stood in his doorway listening to their conversation. I heard the lady- who I think is his stepmom-  ask him what has him worked up, I heard him explain it to them, and I heard him ask what he should do.

        When they didn't answer him, I stepped in behind him so they can see me. I don't want them to be part of the conversation when I talk to him. The moment Holland see's me, he says, "I'll call you guys later. I love you guys." Then he hangs up, and faces me. "What's up?" He asks so casually as if he didn't just drop a huge ass bomb on me.

        "You said your part, now it's time for me to say mine." I tell him, and he nods. "Can I- can I sit?" I ask, and he pats the bed across from him. Okay, just like you practiced while he was showering. Tell him the truth, tell him what you really feel, and don't feel bad about it.

        After my little pep talk, I meet his eyes, "I have to be honest, okay?" He nods. Now or never. Like you practiced, Oaklynn. Exactly like you practiced. Don't cry, don't hold out, just say what you need to say.

        Holland lets out a sigh, "If you're breaking up with me, can you just get it over with? I don't need the long speech about how it's you and not me, or the speech of how we can be friends, or the one where you tell me you just need to work on yourself." I nod.

        His words register in my racing mind, and my eyes widen, "I'm not breaking up with you! I just need to prepare myself for what I'm about to say." I explain, and he relaxes with a simple oh. "Honestly, I think about our future too. I think about the kids, the dogs, the wedding, the holidays, the family trips, all of it. I'm just scared. My mom never had a great relationship with any man. My popa died when I was seven, so his and Nana's relationship isn't fresh in my mind. I don't know if I can be a good enough girlfriend, and it scares me. I want to learn, and I want to learn with you," I pause.

        "But?"

        "But, I don't want to take too long to learn, and you leave me when you realize it's taking longer than you expected." I say, and he nods. "I want to learn how to be a good girlfriend. I want to learn what a good girlfriend is for you, and yes I know we might not be together forever, but at least I'll have some knowledge about how to be a girlfriend if we don't work out. There's never a day where I don't think about our future, or a day where I don't think about us breaking up because I'm not good enough, or a day where I wait for you to tell me you found someone better. I expect those days to happen, and I will always expect them to happen." I say, and he shakes his head no.

        Before he can argue, I hold my hand up, "I love you Holland. I want you to be the Stabler to my Benson." I take a breath. "I probably loved you before the nigth at the bar, but that's when I realized I did. I fell in love with you when we were taking the shot. I fell in love with you when we put the others to bed because they were too drunk. The first time I fell in love with you was probably when you told me your all time favorite show was Law and Order the first day we met. Your looks have always been a huge plus, but the night we danced like no one was around, my heart was beating as if it were ready to come out of my chest, and every time I saw you after that it was like my breath was lost, but I was also coming alive," I pause.