① 𝐅𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐅𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬|| 𝗵𝗮𝘄𝗸 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

"CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME~"

Internally sobbing, and on the verge of ripping my ears out, I stared outside the car window, wishing it would rain so that my tears could compete with the rain drops to see which flow was faster, but to my utter disappointment, I couldn't manipulate the weather based on my moods.

I could really use a Mommy Madrigal- I mean, Pepa, right now.

But oh well. Even if it would rain, and even if I would be crying during the rain, it's not like any of the flows can beat that of my period. Biology really said sike right there. Ugh- I can't think straight anymore. Life sucks so much right now, I really wanna throw some hands. 

"Hustlers grab your guns!"

Now that noise, in case you're wondering, isn't a dying cat, but actually my dearest mother. I don't know who decided it would be a good idea to let her take over the radio today. It's not that her music taste is THAT bad... It's just... her singing sounds worse than scratching a board with a fork.

Well, either that, or my mood just sucks.

Must be a combination of the two, because even my father's breathing is making me wanna dive outta the car and uh, die. Gee, and I thought I was at peace with my suicidal thoughts. Well, that was until my parents decided to move halfway across the world for some dumb promotion.

Okay, just from Y/O/P... But though the distance may not be as great as it may seem, it still was a pretty huge deal for me. Especially since my crush FINALLY ASKED ME OUT TWO DAYS AGO! I just wanted one steamy Wattpad-style kiss with him... Is that so much to ask for?!

Hmm... Considering that I'm not unlike other girls, and not 3'2, I guess I wouldn't have had a Wattpad moment with him anyway. But hey, a girl can still dream, right? I just still can't believe my parents would rush into all of this.

Like, it's not the moving I mind. I've seen a few images of the neighborhood we're moving to, and it's an absolute delight, but I would still prefer at least a week's notice before doing so. Not like, 1 day. But then again, I can't exactly blame them.

My family was notified about this potential outcome a few months ago...

It's just that we never really expected our luck to be this un-bad (for the sake of not jinxing anything). All this has been happening too fast to process it rationally. But anyway, in the wise words of Conan Gray, the supreme love of my life, my god, my queen, my everything...

"Why would you ever deal with any emotion in a logical way, when you could have the option of absolutely losing your mind?"

AMEN TO THAT, MATE!

***

"Y/n! Wake up, we're here!!!" I was woken up by my mom vigorously shaking me excitedly, like a bottle of very limited amount of ketchup. I woke up with a snort. "How long was I out for?" I ask, not even remembering passing out.

Not to that horrendous howling my mother considered singing anyway.

 "Not that long. Four hours, tops." She answers absent-mindedly. "Four hours?!" I choke on my saliva. "That's the most sleep I've gotten this entire week!" I exclaim excitedly, proud of my progress. "That's... concerning." She mumbles to herself.

"Meh. Sounds like average teenage behavior to me." My dad shrugs it off. "Hey, don't encourage this!" Mom scolds, and I let out a soft giggle as the two start brawling over absolutely nothing. I love chaos. "Anyways, we're here now and that's what matters!" I hear my mother finish.

Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. 

Stepping outta the car, I look around and marvel at the beautiful neighborhood we just moved into. It's even better in person! I can't ever describe it's beauty at this point... it's just- it's just picturesque! So much better than the older place. I can see why they were in such a rush to move.

Sure, I'm still a little bummed about my crush and my friends... But at least I won't get to see my math teacher's insufferable face anymore. I will miss the debates between him and the smart kid though. Those were iconic. However, I do hope that my new math teacher will be better.

And hopefully not obsessed with Keeping Up With The Kardashians, because I really don't wanna calculate the amount of injections it must've taken for Kim to enlarge her ass by 0.8 inch. Not like we did that anyway, it's just a question I found on his search history that one day my friend learned hacking. 

"So are you just gonna stand there and oggle, or are you planning to actually come inside?" My dad snaps me back to reality by tossing a gummy bear in my mouth, which was quite literally wide open right now due to my utter shock at seeing the place.

"Dear lord- Not the pineapple one..." I let out a soft groan, chewing it aggressively. "They never go away." I gulp, convinced that I was now officially being haunted by the ghosts of all the pineapples that I had consumed on my pizza.

It was a dare, okay?/It's really not as bad as it sounds.
(Choose your answer based on your preference, but I don't think it takes a genius to know that only one of the two is correct.)

Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, the interior architecture of the house proved me wrong. This is surreal! Ain't no way my life can change so much overnight. I'm feeling just like a Wattpad character right now!

If only I were 3'2, and not like the other girls😔

Maybe I should stop doing my hair, nails, and make-up to finally get the recognition I desire from a secret Mafia boss Jungkook, Harry Styles and Ryan Reynold's secret son Shrek!🤓 I better ditch every breathing female too, and switch to playing sports with the guys instead, cuz women are just so dramatic🙄

(This is all a satire... DO NOT COME AFTER ME😭)

Everything was going great until I finally entered my room. Like, don't get me wrong or anything, it was great. But it was a little... dull, to say the least. It just needs a little more ✨me✨. Well, that, or a super hot guy decorating the bed with his chiseled ass abs😏

Room decor, it is!

"Sooo, how'd you like the new place, hun?" I hear my mom enter the room. "Will do." I scoff jokingly, but failing to amuse anyone. "I was kidding. It's amazing!" I chuckle awkwardly, yeeting my luggage on the bed. "Barely 2 minutes in, and you're already trashing the place, I see." My dad sighs.

"Quite the contrary, really. I was thinking about taking the pains to actually go out and buy something to decorate the room with." I shrug. "You already have enough smelly socks and empty bags of chips for that." My dad rolls his eyes sarcastically.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea..." My mom then remarks. "I could take you shopping before school, if you want." She suggests. "Cool. I guess I'll just scroll though pinterest until then for inspiration." I grin, plopping over the bed, right next to my bags.

"Or you could just go and buy some snacks from the mini-mart nearby and you know... Get familiar with the surroundings." My dad mused, not liking the fact that I was chronically online. "A fine suggestion, really. But I'm too tired for that." I mumble, texting my friends now.

"You didn't seem that tired two minutes ago." Scoffed the man. "Yeah y/n, listen to your father and get out there a little." My mom agreed, and I just rolled my eyes. "Who knows, maybe you'll make a couple of friends or two." She added, making me snort.

"Mom, I don't know which century you were born in, but no one does that anymore." I snicker, shutting up instantly after the hostile glares I received from my birth-givers. "I'll go." I clear my throat, quickly getting up, eager to leave before they would start ganging up on me again.

"Here's 20. Buy yourself whatever you want." 

A/N

Y'all, I'm sorry, I really don't know what came over me today😭

Anyone who has read more than one fics of mine probably already knows that first chapters are NOT my strength.

This chapter was basically my intrusive thoughts venting because I've been holding them in for too long, and uh, I'll try to restrict the crackhead energy a little-

But anyway, I hope y'all like it! And if you do, don't forget to vote and comment, as it really keeps me going. 

In the meantime, feel free to check out my other works.

Byeeeeeeeee🤍🤍🤍