First // c.c.

Chapter 26: Jase

Jase' POV

I literally facepalmed myself as I basically just finished reliving that night. How could I not be the blame for their death? There's no other way to say that I'm not.

For a while, I kept coming up with excuses to help me feel like I wasn't the one who caused their death. For example, I blamed Jessica, because if she didn't cheat on me, and if I didn't find her making out with some other guy, I would've still been sober and most likely would have gone home with Kyleigh when she asked. I also blamed Kyleigh because she was the one who called my parents to come and pick me up, and if she had just left it alone, it all would've sort of kind of been okay.

I tried to find ways to not blame myself, but I knew it was all my fault. I'm the one who killed my parents. I'm the reason they came that night.

"You're so fucking stupid Jase!" I yelled throughout the house, and just wrapped my arms around knees burying my face in them. I hated myself. I basically killed my own parents. And what was horrible was that, in that moment, when we got hit and it all happened, they were disappointed in me. That was my last memory of them, and it was me feeling guilty while my parents were ashamed of me.

"I was a shitty son," I spoke to myself, lifting my head up and just stared at the empty room I was in. "I am a shitty son. I'm a shitty brother, a shitty friend, I was probably a shitty boyfriend too since my fucking girlfriend left me for another guy, I'm just...everyone would be better of without me. I should've died in that car accident not them." I finished, felt so horrible about myself. I buried my face in my arms again when I heard a knock on the door.

It startled me to be honest considering I wasn't expecting anyone at all to be here but me.

I looked up seeing the girl of my dreams standing outside of my former, empty room. How? How is she always here when I need her? "Camila.." I said softly, because I was obviously surprised to see her here.

The dark haired girl gave me a sad smile, "Can I come in?" She politely asked, and I nodded. She came towards me and decided to take the spot right next me, leaning against the wall as well.

For a while we sat in complete silence. I stared at my fingers as I fumbled with them on top of my knees. It didn't feel awkward at all though, I loved it. I loved knowing that she was right next to me. Just a few minutes ago I was cursing at myself, but now I was calm. She made me feel calm, at peace, safe.

But the silence was finally broken when she started to talk to me in her sweet, gentle voice. "Jase, are you alright?" She asked me, and I couldn't look at her and lie again. I wasn't going to tell her a lie.

I looked up, her beautiful brown eyes meeting mine, and I just..I couldn't. It's like, my emotions were about to burst right then and there but I tried my best to contain it. All I did to answer her was shake my head 'no,' and broke the stare we had as I brought my head back down to look at my hands.

"Then please," her voice begged, "Talk to me. I'm here to listen to you, and only for you," she told me, and a small smile appeared on my face as she said that. It slowly began to fade though now realizing that I couldn't keep this all inside of me anymore.

"You can tell me Jase," she urged me, but in a gentle way. She was careful with pushing me, I knew she was here for me and that comforted me. "You can trust me," she said, now taking a hold of my hand in hers.

I broke. I lost it. All of the bottled up emotions I've been keeping to myself for 2 whole years came out, and I started to feel the tears come out. Never have I ever cried in front of someone. It was always a sign of weakness for me. As for guys, it just wasn't normal for guys to express there emotions. But when I was with Camila, I felt comfortable enough to show her this side of me. I knew she wouldn't judge me. I felt safe with her. "It's okay to cry," she whispered to me, and brought her other hand up to my face wiping the tears of my face. "Since the day you were born, crying has always been a sign that you're alive. And that you're human. Crying shows that you've just been strong for too long. You need to be sensitive and you need to let these emotions out alright?" She encouraged me as wiped the remaining tears that found there way down my face.