Encounters.

thirty.

Kandi

"Okay, what about an outdoor wedding? We could do it next spring at a vineyard with a floral theme.." Tamika suggested as we she sat next to me on the bed.

I was too buried in my notebook on my lap to notice what she was doing, but I did know her laptop was in hand due to her obnoxiously, loud typing.

"Mm no! We both had be bad allergies those flowers would tear our asses up before we even say I do.." I replied.

"Alright.." She sighed. "What about a destination one? That could be fun.."

"That defeats the purpose of a honeymoon." I heard her heavily sigh but once again I kept my head buried in my notebook.

I was finally feeling inspired with a new story and as much as I wanted to plan my wedding the topic had become very sad for me lately. It reminded me of how empty my side would be.

My dad was long gone and as far as I was concerned he was dead or at least dead to me. And as for my mom well she might as well be dead as well considering she hated me for some odd reason.

As for the rest of my family they were non existent. My mom uprooted her entire life to come to Atlanta with my father and lost contact with them all. My dad's side have always hated my mom because they believe she took away their precious son so of course I never got to know them.

Which left me no one. So again the wedding just wasn't enjoyable. I'd much rather escape into a fake world created by me that I could write about. Giving my characters a life I could only dream of.

"Baby, are you even listening to me?!" Tamika asked and I nodded, "uh huh—I could eat."

"I don't ask about food. I asked are you helping planning the wedding or is it all on me?!"

"No of course it's not all on you." I placed my notebook said and grabbed her hands.

"I just—" I cut myself off looking away from her face and down at her hands once again.

"You just what, baby? You can tell me anything you know that."

"I just don't want to disappoint you."

"I have tough skin, lay it on me. We're in this together remember.." She laced our fingers together and I took a deep breath.

"I think we should just elope. I don't want a big wedding or anything fancy like that."

"Since when?" She asked as she furrowed her brows.

"Since I realized my side will be completely empty.." I tried to hold it together but hearing shelf say it out loud made it so much more real. I buried my face in my hands as I tried to keep my tears at bay.

I failed the meant I felt her arms wrap around me. She stayed silent for a while. Just holding me close. Comforting me and rubbing my back through the tears.

"Baby, you have friends who would happily attend and my family is your family you know that.."

"It's not the same! My mom hates me for being stronger than she is, being more successful than her! Everything she's ever wanted in life I have and she hates me because of it. Why? Did I really have to settle for having nothing just for my mom to love me?" I was ranting at this point.

Word vomit was the only way I could make sense of my feelings. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong but for years I blamed myself for the point where our relationship went wrong. It had to be my fault or else nothing made sense.

The woman who raised me now hated the woman I've become and somehow I convinced myself I deserved it.

Tamika didn't say anything else about the wedding or my mom. She simply just held me and hummed close to my ear until I fell asleep.