Iron Soldier (Bucky x reader)

57

2 months had passed and Yn was a mess.
She never let Tia see, she alway cooked for them, cleaned, spent lots of time with Tia but never allowed her daughter to see how broken she truly was.

Untill one day there was a knock at the door.
Yn sighed as she braced for whoever it could be, thinking it might be Nat.
She already tried thinking of an excuse as to why she had called so little the last 2 months.

But when she oppened the door she froze.
Loki stood before her with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand.
Yn didn't know what to do so she stood there frozen.
"I thought it might brighten your day a bit." He says and she forced a smile.
"Thank you" she says taking them as she allows him to come in.

"Would you mind putting them in a vase for me please, while I go and wake up Tia." Yn says but Loki grabs her hand.
"How about we spend the day together, you need some time away from motherhood and duties." Loki says and she hesitates.

"Tia.." she says trying to voice her concern.
"Will be coming with us today." Nat says as she and Steve steps into view.
"I..." Yn tries desperately to find her voice but the effort is futile and she swallows back tears.

"Go get what you need and I'll wake Tia up." Nat says and Yn nods as she quickly goes to get dressed in a bit more outdoor-like clothes.
She emerges a few minutes later and steps into the small livingroom.

"See you later." Nat says and she hugs Yn.
"See you, call me if you need anything." Yn says and Nat only nods with a smile.
"It's good to see you again Yn." Steve says fighting not to show the worry on his face.
But he struggles when he sees how bad her condition has gotten.

"You too Steve." He almost cringed at that, she had no more humar left in her tone.
Usually she would've called him something other than his name.
Even Old Man sounded better to him than his name.

Loki and Yn stepped outside and Loki extended his hand towards her.
She hesitated and he waited patiently for her to take it.
When she finally did he wrapped her in his arms and teleported away.
When she allowed to open her eyes again the were in on a mountain top.

She shrieked and clutched him tighter when she saw the huge drop down below.

He allowed her to fully become comfortable with the hight and waited for her to let go.
He knew she was in a bad condition and wanted to take her out for a bit.
Just sothat she can have some time to herself for once.

Her stomach was already starting to show and he smiled at it.
When he realized she slid a hand over it he brought his eyes back to hers and smiled at her lightly.

"I wish I knew it would happen." Yn says as she saggs to the floor against the nearest tree just watching the view down below.
"You being impregnated?" Loki asks and Yn sighs.
"Mhmm" was the only awnser he got from her.
"What difference would it have made Yn, your still to have that child, you cant reverse it." Loki says and a tear starts slipping down her cheek.

"I know" she says her voice cracking.
"But...but....b" she couldn't get out the words, couldn't properly breathe.
Loki gently took her hand in his and kissed the back.
To him it felt wrong but also so right.

But he couldn't do that to her right now so before he could kiss her hand again he simply held it tighter.
She didn't seem to encourage the contact but neither reject it so he just sat with her.

"What are you scared of Yn." He says after a while and even though he wasn't sure she knew what he ment she did.
Because what she said to him was.
"That my baby will be born Loki and I will not be a good enough mother for him or her, that I will be a too good mother and Tia will feel neglected, that this baby has to grow up without their father, that Tia had to endure all that abuse from the monsters who found her and claimed to be her parents and abused her and wanted to sell her and she knows this little fella wont go through the same, and perhaps the fact that I do not know where I stand I do not knoe who I am supposed to be because before Bucky I was a killer and a machine, a weapon for mass destruction, with Bucky a was a broken mess healing and a woman new to motherhood learning to love a daughter that is not my flesh and blood but my soul and without him Im just empty.... so so so empty and lost..."

He didn't interrupt her once afraid she would stop spealking and not start again.
And with each word she spoke his heart broke at what she told him.
"I..." she started sucking in a big breath trying to controll the shakiness her hands had acquired.
"I... cry myself to sleep every night, silently ofcourse, I dont want Tia knowing." She says and he waits for her to continue.

"The worst part is not me missing him, Its the fact that Tia misses him too and there is nothing I can do to ease or soothe her pain."
"I fear she might be just as broken as I am yet she can see the good everyday, she can still wake up with a smile and go outside picking flowers for me, drawing me pictures, trying to help me cook. I dont deserve her..." Yn froze and she jolted forward her breath hitching.

"Fuck..." Yn says suddenly a sob catching in her throat.
"I have been a bad mother, I really do-dont deserve her do I ?" Yn says as more sobs tore lose from her dry throat.

"I've...I have..I" Yn couldn't get enough air in her lungs and she scratched at her throat.
"Yn !" Loki said load enough for it to echo around them.
She stopped and looked at him.
He gently took her hands in his again.

"Look at me, breathe, come on in." Loki says and she gave up fighting and obeyed.
"Out through yur mouth." She did as told.
"In through your nose." He said and she obeyed again.
"Out through your mouth." He said and she clutched his hands tighter.

He felt the bite in his skin as her nails drew blood but he didn't care, he had been through way worse.
"Again." He said softly.

And with every inhale through her nose and exhale through her mouth slowly Yn was able to start calming down.
Surly enough Loki was able to get her to calm down again.

When she oppened up her eyes again she saw Bucky there.
His metal hand felt cold in her's and she froze.
His eyes as deep blue as it always was.
His brown locks laying just above his shoulders.
His eyes grew creases as he smiled at her.

"Take care of him for me darling." Bucky said and she just stared at him confused.
"What do you mean ?" She says and he didn't bother stopping the bright smile spreading across his face.
"Take care of them, Tia and our baby." He said as he looked down toward sher stomach and she froze again.
Because what she heard she couldn't believe.

A baby's laughter, as sweet as honey and warm as sunshine one her skin.
"Take care of him doll." Bucky said and he started dissappearing again.
Yn gripped her hands tighter.
"Bucky, no please...please dont leave me again, I need you !"
Yn yelled desperately but it fell on deaf ears.
"I love you doll all three of you." He said and as he was almost gone she said back to him.

"I love you too." With tears in her eyes she didn't open then, didn't dare to for fear of what she might find again and that her eyes and own mind may betray her.
When she did eventually have the courage to she looked at the bright stars in the night and realized she was still upon the mountain.

Resting with her head on Loki's lap his eyes closed, she wondered how long was she out for.
She stared at his face for a moment lost between her thoughts about Bucky.
She didn't realize she was staring untill he cleared his throat.
"You're awake." He noted and she noded.

"Im having a boy and I know just what I'm gonna name him."