Bitter & Sassy (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 1 ~ Starbucks & Promises

A few months later…

 

     I fucking hate Starbucks. Everywhere I go, there it is, with its big green mermaid, all the baristas wearing big smiles, the smell tempting you to walk in. Well, I hate it. With all my being. It only reminds me of Eleanor and thinking of Eleanor always puts me in a bad mood. Maybe I shouldn’t even call her by her name, maybe I should come up with a nickname, like poisonous traitor. Yeah, that sounds good.

Yes, I know it’s been months, but did I ask for your opinion? No, so don’t even try to tell me that I’m being stubborn and that I should let go and move on. It’s my life, I do whatever the fuck I want. You are not in my shoes, you can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like that the woman you love finds someone better so easily, that after all you’ve been through together, she just decides you’re not good enough and gives up. You can’t imagine how it feels to be rejected that way, to have that important person turning her back on you. So if I want to be bitter, I’ll be fucking bitter. I don’t care that everyone else is all happy-go-round, I’m not up for those stupid things.

Honestly, I don’t want to do anything. I just want to sit at home, playing FIFA and ignoring everyone. I’m tired of all the girls telling me to move on, I’m tired of the lads looking at me with pity in their eyes. Why can’t they just let me be? Not because I don’t take breakups the way they do it means that I’ll try to kill myself. It’s… it’s just easier to manage anger than depression. I rather be angry all the time, avoiding all women or anything that reminds me of Eleanor —I mean poisonous traitor— so I don’t have to question why. Why couldn’t I be enough for her? Why is Eric better than me? Why now when everyone else is finding that special someone?

Alex and Niall are worse than ever, and by worse I mean that now that Alex works for us with the sound system, they are almost all the time together, being all lovey-dovey, with the PDA and shit. And it’s disgusting. But I don’t say anything, I just ignore them and carry on with my life. Last year I would have made a whole scene, just to make them feel uncomfortable. Now I just rather not see them.

Mila and Zayn manage their relationship smoothly. Those bastards. When he is not around, she writes and when we have a break and Zayn disappears, they spend all that time together. No one knows what they do exactly. Moni says they have sex all the time and that’s why Zayn is so skinny. And the worse part is that, even if it’s not true, they joke along and Zayn brags about it. Stupid dickhead.

Harry and Hannah… I still can’t believe he actually forgave her for that shitty move. I would’ve never ever given her a second chance after that. Though I must admit she has indeed changed. She gets along with almost everyone —I’m the only one who doesn’t talk to her— without problem, she laughs, she hangs out and she doesn’t need Harry all the time by her side now. She looks alive and even if I don’t want to accept it, Harry is happy with her. When he looks at her, his whole face lights up and it seems like she is the sun in his life.

I know, disgusting. Ew!

Liam… well, Liam is the only one single right now, but I’ve noticed that when he looks at the other lads, there’s a longing desire in his eyes. Maybe he’ll stop enjoying the bachelor life and will start looking for a girlfriend, what will leave me as the only single member of One Direction.

I’m actually okay with that. I don’t need a girlfriend, I don’t need anyone. I don’t need a woman that when things are not great, that when I’m away will find someone better and will leave me. I know I’m far from perfect, that I have a lot of issues, but I don’t need someone to remind me that there are better people out there and that no matter what I do, I’ll never be enough.