I throw the last cup to the already burning pile and watch it disappear. The smell is disgusting and I know this is fucking dangerous, but I am doing it anyways. Of course I made sure to do this in a safe and isolated place, where no one can get hurt. Although I’m surprised no one followed me. I mean, I walked past many people carrying three huge bags with me. How is it that no one got suspicious? Are they already so used to my erratic behaviour?
“Louis!” someone shouts and I nod, knowing it couldn’t be too long until someone would find out what I’m doing.
“What?” I shout back, still looking at the burning pile.
“What the fuck are you doing!? Get away from that. Now!” I recognise the voice, it’s Paul but although his voice is urgent, I don’t move. “LOUIS!”
I keep staring at the burning pile of Starbucks cups, seeing her face in each of those mermaids, seeing him with her, having fun, being happy. After I left them in the shop, I went to Starbucks and bought as many cups as they let me buy and came to the back of the venue where we are playing tomorrow to burn them down. All of them. Hoping it will make me feel better, and it works. As I see those plastic cups disappear, melting into a disgusting puddle, I feel better. It’s not like I’m a pyromaniac now, I just need to destroy something that makes her happy, even if it’s only the cups.
I feel someone grabbing my shoulder and pulling me back as someone else starts to extinguish the fire and I start to complain. “No! It’s not finished! They need to burn, all of them!” I shout. Trying to shove whoever is holding me.
“Louis, stop! This is dangerous and stupid.”
“I HATE STARBUCKS! I NEED TO DESTROY THOSE CUPS!” I shout again, still fighting but he is stronger and I know now it’s Paul. “LET ME DESTROY THEM!”
“Louis, stop! This is insane. And it smells awful!” he insists but I keep fighting. The fire is gone, now there’s only the horrible smell and the puddle, but the fire is gone… the destruction is over. And I’m not satisfied!
Paul drags me away but I keep screaming and I know I’m not doing it because of the fire, I’m just angry… so angry. I was trying to channel my anger by burning all those cups, and now I have no outlet. I fight Paul instead, shouting desperately as all I feel is anger, burning, consuming anger that makes me see everything red.
Why?! Why wasn’t I enough?! What did I do wrong?!
“What’s going on? Louis?” A girl says and when I look at her, I see Kay and I’m angrier, I yell at her to leave me, to disappear.
“GO AWAY, YOU WOMAN! You’re just like everyone else! I’m just your fucking project! GO AWAY!” I shout at the top of my lungs and I see surprise in her eyes.
“Paul,” she says next, not looking at me who still fights to set free from Paul’s grip. Why is he so strong? “Leave him with me.”
“What?!” Paul and I ask. “Are you mental? He will kill you! He was burning cups. He is not all right,” our bodyguard carries on.
“I know. Leave him with me,” she insists taking a step closer and I growl at her, trying to scare her. “Louis, shh, it’s okay,” she says, her voice so soft I barely hear her, so I have to stop making noise. Then her hand is on my cheek, even softer than any other time.
I freeze. I can’t move when she touches me like this, when she is looking at me like this. Paul releases me and I still don’t move, I don’t scream, I don’t kick, I don’t do anything. What is she doing to me? She approaches even more, her other hand on my cheek and before I can register what she is doing, she is hugging me. I don’t know how we end up on the floor and somehow she is between my legs, her arms tightly around my neck, her face buried in my shoulder but I don’t move, I’m just there, staring blankly.
YOU ARE READING
Bitter & Sassy (Louis Tomlinson)
Fanfiction{book 4} - ❝ All women are the same. One day they say they love you, that they are gonna be with you forever; the next they meet someone else, someone who can be with them when they need it, someone who shares their world. And then they tell you “bu...
