“Tommo, that was rather mean,” Niall scolds me when they join me in the van but I just look through the window, watching how the landscape blurs as we drive by. “They only wanted to say hi, you know?”
“I don’t care,” I answer grumpily and I hear them sigh.
I won’t even try to explain things to him because I know they would never understand. I even know I’m not being completely rational but haven’t they done something they are not proud of but it was the only thing they could do? I know that ignoring the fans won’t solve anything, but it will avoid me some pain. Fans think they know me, that because they know every single fact about me they know the person I am, but they can’t understand how I really feel. Plus, when I see them all I see is that the moment a new boy band appears, a new artist with charismatic personality and catchy songs, all them will leave and forget about us. They will go with that someone newer and better. They all say they love us, but that love is not real, that love will fade like everything else.
So excuse me for not wanting to hear how they claim to love me when they will forget about that the moment someone better appears.
It’s already hard to be nice with Alex and I’m really trying there, but I can’t forget and ignore the facts just because it’s rude to ignore the fans. I just can’t deal with them now and if one day they will leave, they can leave now. I don’t care anymore.
Everyone finds someone better.
“Louis!” Harry shouts and only then I realise they’ve been talking to me but I haven’t paid attention. “C’mon, I know you don’t want to be nice, but you could at least sing some photographs just because it’s your job. You just can’t walks past them without even signing one thing.”
“I can. I just did,” I answer and he rolls his eyes, frustration written all over his face.
“You don’t even have to smile, just write your name. That would make them happy,” Zayn adds because Harry has apparently given up.
“Why would I make them happy when they make me go through so much? They make things difficult for all of us, we have to put up with so much horseshit just because of them. Why would I have to be nice to them when they have ruined so many things for us? Like our friendship, Harry. You now it’s not and it will never be the same, no matter how much we try.”
Harry looks at me for the corner of his eyes and I know he sees the truth in my words, but he doesn’t want to accept it. We’ll never be able to have the kind of friendship we had because we’ll always be scared of the fans’ reaction, we’ll always expect some bomb to explode if we ever joke again. We can’t be free because of them. And it’s not only about that! Our families receive hatred because they are our family. Our friends receive hatred because they are our friends. The lads’ girlfriends receive hatred because they are with the lads! And it all comes from the fans. Why would I be nice to those people?
“You have it all wrong,” Niall whispers and he sounds hurt.
“Oh yeah? How? Tell me, because all I see is that because of those same fans you protect, I can’t have a normal life nor I can’t be the person I want to be. I can’t be mad even when I feel awful because I have to smile at them. Why? Uh? If I don’t feel like smiling, I shouldn’t pretend,” I fight and Niall shakes his head.
“And when I thought you were doing better…” Harry mumbles and his words hurt me.
“Better?!” I spat. “I can’t do better because our fucking lives are messed up and because there are things I can’t change, like how people will always leave you when they find someone better.”
YOU ARE READING
Bitter & Sassy (Louis Tomlinson)
Fanfiction{book 4} - ❝ All women are the same. One day they say they love you, that they are gonna be with you forever; the next they meet someone else, someone who can be with them when they need it, someone who shares their world. And then they tell you “bu...
