When I wake up, my naked chest is pressed against Kay’s back, our legs tangled together, my arms around her waist and my face hidden in her neck, breathing her perfume. For a second I don’t move and I just enjoy the feeling of her naked body next to me, of her warm skin in contact with mine, of her scent embracing me and making all my cells to come alive. And the best part is that I don’t even have a hangover because Kay made sure to give me some of her miraculous pills before we started with the heavy drinking. I’m thirsty, but my head is not killing me and I can rejoice in the peace and wonderfulness of this moment. For a few moments this feels perfect and I can’t think of a reason to pull back and raise my walls again.
Why do I fight Kay when it’s so easy to be with her like this? When it feels so great to have her with me? When waking up next to her is this sublime?
Oh right… because I can’t trust her.
I sigh deeply and close my eyes again. Is this how all girls feel? I’ve seen films and I’ve heard complaints… I’ve even read some fan fictions where they portray me as a player and the girl is always afraid to fall in love because she can’t trust the guy to love her back. Is this what all those authors tried to portray? Is this how chicks feel when they fall for the player? This fear? I know it would be so easy to let go and just give in and have this on a daily basis, but I know Kay is not the one who would stay and I don't want a fling. I do believe in serious relationships, I’m not the kind that lives of one-night stands. But Kay is, she has always been and I don’t want that. I’ve never wanted that. It’s so obvious she will get bored and leave me after a while, she’ll meet someone interesting and say goodbye. And then what?
No matter how easy it would be to fall for Kay, it would never work out and I rather avoid another heartache. I already had enough for a lifetime with Eleanor. I’ve come to terms with it… I think. I mean, I know I can’t blame all women for what happened and I can’t exactly hate Eleanor for finding someone better when I didn’t even fight for her, but I can’t exactly forgive her for giving up on us and going to Eric. I’ve realised some things, I know that not all women are awful and not all of them will go as soon as someone better appears. Not all of them will find someone better. But not all of them will stay. Kay would eventually go not maybe because there’s someone better, but because she can’t just settle down. She doesn’t do serious relationships and I don’t do summer flings.
Kay moves in my arms and I think she purrs and stretches before she opens her eyes, then she turns around in my arms until we’re face to face and I try not to smile, but I can’t. She looks so beautiful, her skin is kind of glowing and her smile is the best makeup she can wear. No matter how sappy that sounds, it is true. When she smiles she is so beautiful and I feel my heart racing in my chest. Kay cups my face and without saying a word, she pecks my lips.
“Morning,” she says in a whisper, her hand still on my cheek. “How do you feel today? Hangover?”
I shake my head slightly and her smile widens. “You?”
“Not at all and I’m really glad that you are still in bed with me,” replies Kay and next she cuddles in my arms. “It’s nice waking up like this. So nice.”
For some reason her words squeeze something inside, maybe my heart, I don’t know. It’s a different kind of pain… longing maybe? Because I recognise a big part of me wants this to be something regular in my life, not just this time.
“I don’t have anywhere to go, it’s my flat, after all.” I ruin the moment because she tenses in my arms. “I’m not kicking you out, though,” I say lowly and I feel her relaxing against my chest, I even feel her letting her breath out. Was she holding it? Was she really scared?
YOU ARE READING
Bitter & Sassy (Louis Tomlinson)
Fanfiction{book 4} - ❝ All women are the same. One day they say they love you, that they are gonna be with you forever; the next they meet someone else, someone who can be with them when they need it, someone who shares their world. And then they tell you “bu...
