Bitter & Sassy (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 35 ~ Documentary & Epiphany

     Days pass and things are well… weird. First, Liam is not the same. It’s like he doesn’t care anymore. Before you would always see him smiling, trying to make everything work, pleasing everyone. Now he only looks tired and he wants to be alone all the time. I hate Tammy for what she did to him, but he is worse without her. It’s like he gave up and it worries me, it’s like he lost the life in his eyes.

Yes, I get the irony of this. This is what they always told me how they saw me, and just because I remember how much it annoyed me is that I don’t try to make Liam talk or anything. I just leave him alone. He needs time; he’ll be fine.

Now Kay. She… she has avoided me completely. In our time in Poland she didn’t look at me a single time. Later in the Netherlands was the same. We could walk past each other and it was like she didn’t saw me there, but I couldn’t stop looking at her. Every time she was near the hole in my chest grew larger and larger. It’s weird not to have her around, sending me texts, telling me that she misses me, that she wants to be with me. It’s weird not having her smiling at me, winking me, making me blush with something. It’s just weird that she doesn’t acknowledge my existence anymore and that I… I, well, kind of miss that. I kind of miss her.

She is the same with everyone! I’ve seen her laughing with Harry. Going out with Alex. Mocking Niall. Talking with Zayn and even supporting Liam, but she doesn’t look at me one single time. It’s like nothing has changed, but at the same time, everything is different. And well, she is not the only one giving me the cold shoulder. Harry is the only one who talks to me and he barely tells me a few things. I know he is also disappointed in me, but I was right. Tammy did use Liam. She is awful! Why is everyone mad at me?

I know that Kay is done with Harry, which mean I’m the only one missing. But she hasn’t come to me, nor even Peter. What? Is she going to leave me out of the documentary?

“Louis,” I hear someone calling me and I didn’t notice that person coming because I was too distracted thinking of Kay.

When I look back I see Peter —he is the one who called my name— and next to him is Kay. My heart does a flip-flop in my chest and I rise to my feet immediately. I was lying on the grass outside the venue.

“Kay,” I say but she looks away, like no one has said her name and I feel like something twisting inside of me

“We need to shoot your part, so please come with us,” Peter speaks again but I frown. I want Kay to tell me these things. She is making the documentary. But she won’t even look at me.

I sigh and nod. She is the first to turn on her heels and walk away, and Peter follows her. I’m close behind, my eyes on her all the time. I don’t know why but I feel like running to catch up with her and take her hand to make her stop and look at me. I know that she is avoiding me for what I said and did, but I just— I just want her to be like she used to be. I can’t believe that I’m thinking of this, either, but I really miss her smiling at me. Now she doesn’t even meet my eyes and it hurts in a way I didn’t think it could happen.

Kay leads us to the dressing room and when we’re there, Peter instructs me to sit on the sofa while Kay looks at her notes. I see her wearing her glasses and I smile. She looks so pretty when she wears her glasses, and sexy, really sexy. And then she meets my eyes and I lose my smile because her brown eyes are cold like ice.

“Louis, tells us what’s One Direction for you,” she instructs when Peter is ready to shoot so I look at him and answer.

“Family. They are my best mates, the only people who understand how is to be living this dream. I couldn’t imagine my life without them,” I say honestly. “We complement each other, if one of us is missing, One Direction doesn’t exist. It’s all or nothing.”