Can't Get Enough (Interracial/BWWM) #Wattys2016

16. Halfcrazy

-Matthew's POV

"It's bound to come out."

I kept repeating that in my head, Ryan was correct and it did come out. I broke my heart breaking Chaynia's heart. Everyday I woke up in the morning, I checked my phone for that good morning text Chaynia sent all the time and I got nothing, all I could do was lie back down on the bed and hit the headboard in anger at myself. What was I thinking? Everyday was a mission to get her to text me, I basically wrote a book in her text messages, and I know she read every text message that was sent.

I couldn't stop telling her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. I mean yeah, I cheated but that didn't mean that I didn't love her. She was/is my first love and I absolutely regretted treating my first love that way. All I needed was another chance to prove to her how much she meant to me. It was extremely idiotic of me. I don't know what I was thinking.

She was fucking driving me insane with not saying a word to me.

Every time I saw her in school she looked a mess. Her beautiful hair lost its shine, she looked flushed and pale. She looked as if she hadn't been eating lately, she even stopped coming to Pre Cal and was never at our locker. She did everything she could to avoid me and I wanted her to avoid me, cause I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye the same way, knowing that I hurt her, I mean I know that I should have been feeling that way when I was cheating, but I don't know what was in me.

Miranda came out with everything, how she knew all along and she knew that Chaynia was going to find out and that made me feel even more stupid. I cut all ties with Miranda for the sake of my sanity and for Chaynia.

Now here I was over Ryan's house venting to him as usual.

"Chaynia is fucking pissed, she text me today telling me how she thought that she could trust me as a friend , and I couldn't tell her what you were doing, she's fucking pissed Matt," Ryan said and touched my shoulder.

I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Ryan, I'm going through something right now man. I should have listened to you Ryan. Its like the lomger I go without Chaynia, the crazier I get, I don't know what to do anymore," I said, I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

"I hate to say that I told you so Matt, but I told you so. What would make you think that you could go that long, five months, without getting caught, I mean how could you sleep knowing you have two girls in love with you and you're dating both of them? I feel guilty cheating on a test, I don't understand how you could do that, " Ryan said as he flicked through channels.

I gave him a look that said "shut up", but he didn't catch it, he really knew how to talk and make people feel worse than what they felt already, but he was my best friend so I had to deal with that. He wouldn't have been my best friend if he wasn't good at giving advice.

"Yeah Ryan, I know."

"I mean, if I had a doll, like Chaynia. I'd treat her like a queen, and have her begging for my--"

I cut Ryan off, this was why I didn't like Ryan being around Chaynia because I knew that he found Chaynia attractive, I mean who wouldn't? But for him to be my best friend and say something like that to me knowing that I love Chaynia was completely unacceptable.

"Well you have to date a girl first to even understand what I'm going through, " I spat at him.

He wiped the inside of his mouth with his tongue and chuckled.

"I mean, if I got a girl, I'd know how to treat her and not cheat on her," he shot back.

I laughed and squinted my eyes at him, he couldn't get a girl even if his life depended on it, no girl would date a dropout stoner that stays with his mother in her basement and jacked off to hentai porn all day... don't ask how I knew that he watched that.

"First, get your high school diploma, then get your life together, and then maybe you should cut down on the porn because your right arm is bigger than the left, and then you could get you a girl. Oh yeah and take a shower by the way because you smell like a Coney dog with extra onions."

He laughed.

"I may not be a fucking dirt bag like you or have sex with a thousand girls like you, but maybe that's because I have a conscious mind, dignity, and I know that if I'm not interested in a girl I won't get their hopes up of me falling in love with them. And what that being said you can escort yourself out of my beautiful basement, so I can continue to watch my porn," he said and swiveled his chair around to watch TV.

I sat there and nodded my head, maybe Ryan was right. I am a dirt bag. I don't have a conscious. I don't have dignity. What that being said, I couldn't even get mad at what was said, because Ryan was right as usual.

I stood up and nodded my head

"You know Ryan, now I understand why we were best friends for nine years," I said and escorted myself out of his house.

This was gonna be a long, cold winter.