You get too close (Dean)

Chapter 16

// Dean //

Me and Sadie laid on the hotel couch,Holding each other in silence. Honestly at this point I have no idea what I'm doing. I keep having internal battles with myself. I want to be with Sadie. She's the first girl I've actually gotten close to since Renee. She's the first girl That I've had real feelings for since Renee.

She's different. Every time I see her I immediately feel so happy,Which is rare for me. All I want is to be happy,With her,For as long as I possibly can. But on the other hand...I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to feel loved,I don't deserve to be in a relationship with such an amazing person.

I want to punish myself,I want to torture myself. I've ruined peoples lives,I've been nothing but horrible to everyone I work with for years. I'm the reason my mother is dead. I don't deserve to be happy. I've always been so fucking selfish and I'm tired of it. But being with Sadie is selfish of me and I think I wanna continue being a selfish cunt.

I just don't know. I'm so screwed up in the head. Everyone in my past has left me and I don't want Sadie to the same. But I couldn't blame her if she did. I'd understand. I'd leave me too if I could but I can't because,Well,I'm me.

I'm such a terrible person. I'm the fucking devil on earth.

"Dean?"

"Hm?" I hum,Looking down at her. She smiles slightly before patting my hand. "I have to pee." She giggles. "Why are you telling me?" I ask in confusion. "You're squeezing me. Like right on my bladder. And I can't get up." She says.

"Oh..." I mutter. I can feel myself flushing as I slowly let go of her. "S-Sorry."

"It's okay." She says softly. She gets up,Walking quickly towards the bathroom and I laugh as I hear her whisper yell 'Fucking shit,I've got to piss' I guess that whole no cussing thing isn't working out for her anymore.

I glance at the clock on the TV and sigh as I notice it's already six PM. We have to leave at about seven and I haven't even finished repacking. Why I unpacked in the first place,I don't know. We were only here for a day or two.

Plus,I'm hungry as hell.

"Dean,Come look at this!" Sadie yells from the bathroom.

I shrug to myself before getting up and speed walking to the bathroom. She's crouched down on the floor,Looking at something that I can't see. "Sadie,What is it?" I ask. She turns around and smiles largely at me before pointing at what she was looking at.

"They have mini shampoos! Like,Mini,Mini shampoos! These wouldn't be enough to wash a baby worm's hair!" She laughs. "But they're so cute. Oh I'm so taking these!" She says. I roll my eyes before shaking my head at her.

"What a geek."

"...So you don't want one?" She asks.

I sigh. "I mean...Do they have conditioner?"

******

"You are not helping." I groan.

"I'm trying,Don't pressure me!" She says.

When I'd told Sadie that I needed to go back to my room to pack,She told me she'd help me if I wanted. Truthfully,I didn't have all that much to pack. Just some clothes that I'd worn and of coarse, The hotel towels and shampoos that I always steal. But I wanted to spend more time with her so I told her that I was in grave need of help.

Everything was going well,We were peacefully packing and it was going by pretty fast,Until I'd asked her to get me two pillows off the bed so I could put them in my suitcase. We've tried everything to get them to fit but they won't.

"Sitting on the suitcase isn't helping." I sigh. "Why don't you lay on it?" I ask,Tucking the pillows into the case as far as they can go. She nods and changes positions so that she's laying on her back on the case. It closes a little more but it still won't zip. "Push!" I say.

"I am!"

"Push!"

"I am!"

"Push-"

"DEAN! I AM!"

"Am I interrupting something?"

I turn quickly towards the door and notice that Roman and Seth are standing there,Looking slightly frightened. "We-" I start before shaking my head. There's no sane way to explain this. "Roman you're Samoan. You've got a big butt. Come sit on this." Sadie says,Hopping off the bed.

"No. I will take no part in stealing hotel property." He shakes his head.

"Oh. He's one of those people." Sadie whispers,Rolling her eyes. I nod. "Too good to steal shit from a hotel. He is frowned upon by me." I state. "Um,I can hear you." He says,Plopping down on the couch. "We have to be out of this hotel in thirty minutes and In our cars. Wanna get some food before we have to leave?" Seth asks.

"You read my mind." I smile. "You're coming too right,Sadie? We have to feed you." I chuckle,Rubbing at her stomach. She shrugs. "I'm supposed to be being healthy because of this thing that I've got going on with my sister...But they have steak right?" She asks. I nod. "They have a buffet going on. They've got all kinds of meat with lots of grease and fat on it." I shrug.

"Sounds like my kind of food." She smirks. "I love me some grease."

******

A/n: GUYS! May I just let you all know that I actually love Renee? Like I don't know if I've ever mentioned it or not but I am not a Renee hater! I love that beautiful bitch! That is my baby mother and honestly,I heard that she's in a relationship with some carrot named Amber rose Deans? Like I don't know who he is but he needs to stay away from my woman?? Um anyways so that's a rumor and me and Renee will be getting married next month at The fucking All state arena. Um the guy that she's dating,Rosie Deano is actually a cover up and she's actually with me. <3 Much love to Moximillian which is his older name right? Ummmmm

She's mine,Thanks. XX.