You get too close (Dean)

Chapter 72

// Sadie //

I sigh a little before fixing my white dress and fluffing my hair a little. Why I got all dressed up just to see my mom, I don't know. I guess I'm just nervous. I haven't seen her in a while and I just want to look nice.

I clear my throat before knocking on the door softly. I stand awkwardly for a few seconds, Waiting for an answer, And finally the door swings open revealing mom. She looks the exact same as the last time I saw her. Still the same blondish hair and blue eyes. Still the same judgment in them too, Only this time it's slightly less.

"Hello." I smile softly.

"Hi." She says. "Come in, Come in." She says, Opening the door wider and stepping aside. I walk in and take off my shoes, Sitting them beside the door. She quietly leads me to the kitchen and pulls out a chair for me so that I can sit at the kitchen table.

"Would you like some coffee or tea or hot cocoa?" She asks.

"Um...Hot cocoa would be good, Yeah." I shrug.

She smiles. "I knew you'd say that. You've always loved your hot cocoa. I kept it in the microwave for you." She says, Handing me a cute little mug. "Thank you." I smile. I take a sip of it and hum before putting the mug down. I watch as she sits down opposite of me and clamps her hands together.

"Mom...Why am I here?" I ask. "Is there something you needed to tell me?"

"...Only that I'm sorry." She sighs. "Me and you don't have a good relationship. I know that and you know that. I know you hate hearing me. I know you hate dealing with me at all." She shakes her head. "Two days ago, It was Christmas morning and I woke up alone. No man, No kids. Just myself. And...And I hated it. I hated waking up on Thanksgiving alone as well. I hate waking up alone every day. Just...I never wanted to be the mother that you hate to see. I wanted to be a good mom. One that you could have fun with, One that you got along with easily. I wanted to be your best friend. That was my dream when I was pregnant. But...I am a very selfish woman. Greedy and selfish as they come, Really." She mumbles.

"I've just realized that I've been pushing you and your sister away for years. Well I've realized this for a long time actually, But I hated to admit it. But Christmas...It used to be my favorite holiday. I always thought it was about the presents. I always thought it was about the money I received and the food I ate. I thought it was about opening all my presents and bragging to my so called friends about what I got, Trying to one up them. I didn't think I needed my family around to make the holiday enjoyable. But now I know that I do need you guys...I don't wanna be alone forever." She sighs.

I look down, Playing with my hands as she talks. I feel guilty. She's been spending all this time in this house all alone. Me and Aymie rarely call her and I hadn't even thought to get her a gift for Christmas, Or for her birthday which was in November. I don't even think I gave her a call. I assumed she didn't care, Though. I thought she didn't give a damn if we called her or not. I thought she was happy without us in her life, Bugging her all the time.

"I do understand why I'm not a big part of your life, Sadie." She says. "I've been a terrible mother, If I do say so myself. I know you must be so angry with me because of everything that happened when you were younger. I'm so sorry I didn't pay attention to you and I'm sorry I never realized you were so sad. I'm sorry that when you tried to commit suicide, I made it about myself. Looking back on it, I feel like the biggest bitch in the world. If I were you I would have smothered me in my sleep. You were in so much pain, Mentally,and I just pretended that it was just teenage drama. I'm sorry." She cries.

"It's okay mom." I mumble. "It's in the past now."

"Still doesn't make it right." She sighs.  "...I miss your dad, You know." She says. "I really do."