Doctor's New Boy [1] ( Manxman bdsm) 18+

Forty

"That's easy for you to say." I opened the door though, I couldn't stay in here all day and the sooner this whole fiasco was over, the better. I was mad and every other emotion there was all at once. I didn't know whether to start crying again or laugh like a maniac.

He pulled me against his chest and I started sobbing again. It wasn't fair, nothing was fair. I just wanted to go home. Why was he being nice now? He led me out, one arm still around my shoulder guiding me. He didn't say another word, just opened the car door for me and buckled me in, then got into the driver's seat.

Ollie and Kevin were still wrapped up in each other in the back seat. I momentarily felt even worse because I had caused so much drama during their special night. Ollie had been looking forward to this so much and I had probably ruined it. "I'm so sorry Ollie."

"You should be" Kevin said.

Ollie cut off his "You don't--" before starting again once Kevin had finished. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Chris."

"He LIED to his dom, Pet. That's not okay. Never" Kevin hissed.

What? I hadn't...

"You're right of course but it's not easy Master, even though it's right. Sometimes it's hard to safe word when you're scared. I've been there, I know. It's okay Chris. You're safe though, everything's okay now."

I didn't understand. "What did I do? I didn't... he's the one who--!" and then the words disappeared again.

"Who WHAT Pet?" Greg asked. "I stopped and removed the tie even though you didn't safeword it. I asked if you needed me to stop. I checked in, even though you DIDN'T safeword. I stopped and waited for you to gather your thoughts and decide. And what did you do Chris? You LIED to me. You said 'No, go ahead and fuck me.' Chris, I am in the business of making people beg me to stop, of making them lose their minds. I don't LISTEN to 'no! and please! and I can't!' because I'm not supposed to. You lied to me and then instead of talking to me and telling me what was wrong, you left. You walked out of the room and disrespected me further. Kevin?"

"Yeah Doc?"

"Am I doing that thing I do and being me again?"

"Nope. You're good." Kevin answered although I wasn't sure what he meant.

"Chris, if you don't follow the rules I don't know what to do. You can't... it doesn't work." He pulled up to Kevin's house and they climbed out. He was doing that thing he did when he was thinking or waiting, rubbing his thumb across the side of his index finger. He did it often and I sometimes wondered if it ever got sore. Tonight it just joined the swirl of thoughts flying through my head.

"I'm sorry" I said yet again out the window. "I really am."

"It's okay Chris, really. Subdrop is a beast, I'm fighting it too. Get some rest and you'll feel better tomorrow." Ollie was a dear, I didn't know how he could be worried about me after the night he'd had.

I curled even further against the window, unsure what was going to happen now that we were alone. He was right though, I had lied. He HAD asked, he had tried to fix it. I still didn't think it should have happened in the first place but I was really too tired to even care anymore. I felt like my entire body was shutting down. "I'm so tired."

"You had a long day. I'll get you into bed as soon as possible."

*** *** ***

I woke up on the bed in the den, a blanket tossed over me. It was hard and every muscle in my body aches. There was a note next to my pillow.

Hope you slept well.

I'm at the gym.

Your things are on the shoe bench.

Help yourself to food and drink. I put tylenol and ibuprofen on your nightstand.

Text me when you leave.

It was polite and very Greg. It said everything it needed to without saying anything at all, really. I wasn't sure why I didn't remember coming in but he'd let me sleep here, at his house. Granted it's not like I was in HIS bed but he could have woken me up and made me drive home last night. He easily could have woken me up earlier this morning and told me to get out. I wasn't sure if he was being kind or just avoiding me.

I sat up and stretched, then very thankfully swallowed a few pills. This fridge was handy; I should get one in my nightstand too. My eyes drifted to the stool and the hooks. The restraints he'd used were still in a pile on top of the dresser. He'd been so patient with me and had driven me wild; I'd loved it.

Yesterday had been completely overwhelming and the ending had been mostly my fault. I didn't like my sudden moment of clarity it but it was true. He wasn't my boyfriend and I'd expected him to act like one. The joke had been on me. I'd known I shouldn't touch him, it's not like he'd changed the rules in the middle. And yes he'd been a bit rough with me but wasn't he always? I'd known he was worked up, he'd made that very clear just after the show and still I'd pushed. If I'd given him my hand when he asked, if I'd safeworded, if I hadn't lied and expected him to read through it anyway... Fuck.

I had been a category three disaster last night. And what was the deal with locking myself in a nasty public restroom stall? I hadn't even been me, not really. Last night I'd been so sure that I never wanted to see him again and now I realized that he probably didn't want to see me either. I didn't blame him.