Save Me Because I Can't Save Myself (Patrick Stump)

Chapter 17

Anna's POV
Its been a few days and nothing really interesting has happening. The guys have been performing and I've been watching. No matter how many times I watch them I don't get bored. I guess that's just my fangirlness coming through.

Tomorrow it's one week until the 2nd of November. I'm nearly a week clean but not by choice. Patrick has been very protective of me and what I'm doing. I don't really know how I'm going to sneak away from everyone. Yes. I'm still going with my plan. After planning it for so long, I can't back down.

Today is a day off so I think we're heading to a beach. Right now I'm sitting on a bed deciding what I should do. Should I wear a bikini? It's too hot to wear long sleeves. Should I just not go?

I sigh and lay back and sigh. "Are you ready Anna?" I hear Patrick say from the other room. He walks in and sees I'm still in my pjs. "Aren't you coming." He asks sadly. "I'm not sure" I want to go. I just don't want to be judged by everyone. "Is it you know... That time of... The month?" Patrick asks awkwardly. "No... I just don't know what to wear" I say while laughing at Patrick. "I can't wear a bikini or short sleeves without showing off my scars" I add. "You know we won't judge" Im not even sure who knows. Patrick, Brendon and Pete do, but does anyone else? I guess we'll find out by their reactions today.

"Why don't you just see what it looks like?" Patrick suggests bringing me back to his attention. I just nod and walk to the bathroom. Once I get to putting the top on I realise I need Patrick to tie it up. "Patrick?" I call. "Yeah?" "Can you help me?" I unlock the door and let him in. While he's tying it up I look at my reflection. My eyes start to sting as I think about the guys reactions when they find out. What if they hate me? "Anna.. You look beautiful.. It's going to be fine" Patrick says while hugging me. It's going to be fine. You'll be fine. I keep telling myself this.

Just before we go to meet up with everyone else, I grab a cardigan to hide as many scars as I can for as long as I can. I take a deep breath and follow Patrick. Patrick looks at me sympathetically as we walk to find the others. Everyone is in one room. I'm anxious. Very nervous.

We walk into the room and I sit down on the ground. "There is other seats, you know Anna?" Pete jokes "I like the floor" I reply tying not to let my voice shake from nervousness. "Are you okay?" That was Andy. I think. I'm scared of their reaction to knowing. My breathing quickens Breathe, breathe. Patrick comes and kneels by me. My breathing speeds up even more and I am gasping for air. This is weird. "She's having a panic attack!" I hear Pete yell. Well that explains what it is. "Anna. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out" I couldn't tell who this but I had a feeling it was Pete.

I try slowing down my breathing. My head is throbbing and my chest hurts. Its difficult but I get there eventually. "Do you know what triggered that Anna?" Pete asks concerned. Oh no. Do I lie. I look over to Patrick and he nods telling me I should be honest. "Yes" No going back now. "What was it?" Pete asks softly, trying not to upset me again."I was just worrying about something, but don't worry lets go to the beach" I say trying to change the subject. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Pete asks. I shake my head. They'll find out anyway.

We all jump in a van and head out to a beach. I have no idea what it's called since I know nothing about where we are. It was like a half an hour drive which was spend listening to the radio. There was a bet between Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy about who would hear one of their songs okay first. As I thought it would be.. It was Panic!

"ALL YOU SINNERS STAND UP SING HALLEUJAH
SHOW PRAISE WITH YOUR BODY STAND UP SING HALLELUJAH
IF YOU CANT STOP SHAKING LET IT MOVE RIGHT THROUGH YA
SAY YOUR PRAYERS
SAY YOUR PRAYERS
SAY YOUR PRAYERS" We all sang at the top of our lungs. "Well now I hate my own song" Brendon says seriously. "But we're amazing singers" Pete said pouting. "Well Brendon, Patrick and Dallon are" Pete corrects himself. Since they're the ones that have actually had a career in singing.