All Grown Up now

Chapter 15

Breyana's POV

I woke up in bed alone, but not fully alone. Brandon isn't in bed with me, but all the memories from last night are. I remember him touching and kissing ever single inch of me.

I remember falling asleep in his arms, I remember the got damn feeling. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt like hell at first. But once I got use to the slow pace, the pain was slowly fading away, as pleasure took it's place.

I remember shouting for dear life, I remember telling him to go faster, and I definitely remember screaming out his name. I never experienced something so pleasurable or so exciting.

My adrenaline was pumping, my heart was beating through my chest, my body had chills all over, and I've never been so freaking tired in my life as I was afterwards. The sad thing is I barely did anything to be tired, Brandon did all the work.

I know last night is a night I'll never forget. I got up and my legs were weak and I fell right down on the floor. I tried standing up again, this time holding onto things as I walked on shaking legs to the bathroom.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stand in the shower so I took a nice hot bath. The hot water was slowly easing the pain away, as I started to relax.

I never expected anything like that to happen, especially not with Brandon. My God he took me by surprise when he kissed me, and for some reason I liked it when he took control. I hate when people try to control me, but this time I oddly loved it.

I don't know if last night was suppose to happen, but I want to do it again. Not now because I'm too sore, but tonight, most definitely. After sitting for what seemed like forever, I washed up and did my hygiene things.

I made my way down stairs and the first thing I heard was Brandon's voice. He's on the phone talking, no whispering as if he didn't want me to hear in case I woke up.

I didn't pay it no mind though, that's his business. If there's one thing my momma taught me before she was on drugs is to mind my own business. I held onto everything that I could before finally getting to the dinning room table and sitting down.

Once Brandon noticed my presence he hung up the phone in an hurry making me curious. But not too curious to ask, curiosity killed the cat. Plus I'm still minding my business.

"Hey," he said taking a deep breath. I know what he's trying to do, he's trying to find a way to make the morning after you have sex by accident last night conversation easier. "You don't have to talk about it," I said before giving him a small smile.

He blew out a breath of relief. Every time I look at him, all I see is him from last night overtop of me grunting as he kept telling me how small I am. Yesterday those words did nothing to me, but thinking about them now makes me shake in fear and awkwardness.

Weird I know, why should I be scared of something when I already experienced it? I don't know I went with the flow last night, so now remembering things are kind of freaking me out on the inside.

I laid my head down as I made a pillow with my arms so that I can lay on them. "Brandon how come you never came to see me or wrote me?" I asked the question I've been wanting the answer to for sometime now.

"I didn't want to make it look like I was the one you were lying for. They thought I would come after a while, but I was two steps ahead of them since they raided my place." He said thinking he's making me feel better when in reality he's making me feel the opposite.

I thought something happened and that's why he didn't come. But it turns out he was just looking out for himself. I looked out for him and took that L, but no one is looking out for me. Not him because he's too busy looking out for himself. Not Jayden, he's just taking orders from Brandon. Not anyone else.

Like baby girl said, you got look out for yourself and love yourself or no one will. Yes I was really listening to baby girl because the things she has been telling me has been proving her right down to every word that came out of her mouth.

I wish I could be more like her. She's so relaxed and calm. She's always leaned back not caring, and without a worry in the world. She's like a dude but with good advice and knows how to make herself look extra beautiful, trying or not.

While me on the other had is worried about everything. I can barely relax or calm down for too long. And there's no need in me trying to use make up because I just don't know how to use it.

Maybe she's just a natural beauty, and I'm just naturally pretty instead. She doesn't need make up to look beautiful although she looks beautiful with it. She can dress in baggy clothes and still pull it off. She can pull everything off.

"I would walk away right now if I could," I said not looking up at him. "Why?" He asked. "Because I can't walk.... I might fall again." I mumbled.

"No I meant why would you walk away," he said with a chuckle. "Because you're selfish, that's why." I said looking up at him. "How am I selfish?" He asked looking like I lost my mind.

"I'm looking out for you trying to make sure you don't go to jail, and you couldn't even visit or write me because you were too busy looking out for yourself. You didn't stop and think about how I felt in there and how seeing you might make me feel. But you did worry about what would happen or what the police would think if you did come or write.

Hell you could've written an anonymous letter and I would've known it was you. But you couldn't do that. All this time I was thinking oh something must've happened. But no, nothing happened you were too busy caught up in your own world that you forgot the reason you were even still out and about.

I'm tired of looking out for people who don't look out for me. I'm always being nice, but I guess I'm too nice because everyone just walks over me like everything is a joke or a game. Well I'm done doing that. I wish last night never happened." I said then got up and attempted to storm off.

I fell after like five steps. "You need some help?" He asked in a chuckle like anything is funny. "No! I don't need your help. As soon as I can get up, I'm leaving." I said crossing my arms trying to stay mad.

Later that night.

Just a few hours ago I was talking about leaving, but here I am laid across his bed as we are going for round three right now.

Fucking asshole. I hate that I fucking need him to make me feel like this. And I really love this feeling. For some reason, whenever we start off it hurts, but I heard it'll be like this for the first few times from Poet.

That's was before I met Brandon. She said it's normal for things like that to happen and I would look at her like she's crazy. I use to always ask, why do you do it if it hurts? But now I got my answer.

The only difference between me and Poet is, she practically sleeps with every guy that shows her some attention. Me on the other hand, don't.