cookies

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The cookies are in my lunchbox
The very next morning
and I slip in some extra
For if I get hungry, I tell myself


But really
They're for Mei
If I come across her again
If the girls from yesterday
decide to harass her again


I'm not sure saving Mei
makes her my friend
I know she's not afraid of me
despite how tall I am
despite the storm in my gaze
despite the ice in my voice


I felt like a monster that day
when I saved her
when I sneered and called
the girls pathetic
I'd wanted to call them
more horrific names
I'd wanted to push them around
the way they pushed Mei around
and I realized that
deep inside
I was capable of turning into
the bullies that oppressed me


I'd been quiet for a week after
I'd avoided contact with everybody
because I didn't know how to feel
I felt guilty and bad 
but at the same time
I knew that I'd saved Mei
to some small degree
and I wondered if that meant

that I wasn't as horrible as them
that I wasn't a monster


Be careful

The voice inside my head echoed
as I made my way to class


Are you really going to
take a huge risk
throw yourself into possible
pain and betrayal
again?


Are you going to befriend her?
Will you be able to handle it?
If you stay with her
you'll also get picked on
again
like last year
again
like always


I inhale sharply
and push through the door


Yes, I decide, 
just once more.

Savor The Moonlight - Book 1 | ✔Where stories live. Discover now