Run (Disasters in Love: Book 1) (Part 1 COMPLETE)

Chapter 6

Kat
January 1, 2005

*

Same day

*

As he leans forward, I know my world is about to change. This guy has way too much power over me.  What am I even doing?

This is not me.
I am not impulsive.
I do not lose control.
I do not kiss random guys.

Okay, so he isn't completely random since his friend is kinda dating my friend, but still... I don't know him. At all.

From want Ness has told me, he is a total player.
I run my eyes down his body.  A very hot player.
With big bulging muscles.
And hair a girl could sink her fingers into...
And dimples...
Encasing a heart stopping smile.
And deep green eyes... That just so happen to be staring at me.

Crap. He's really close. Is that desire in his eyes? Or maybe he is completely repulsed by the kiss we shared. Oh no, is he going to vomit on me?  I really like this dress.

What is he doing? What is he thinking? Would it be weird to ask him? Duh... Of course it would be weird!

Is he waiting for me to make a move?  What should I do?

Crap, he has me over thinking everything. I need to stop. What does 'Ness always say? I sneak a glance in her direction, but she's stuck to Nate like a sucker fish. She is definitely not going to be any help.

"Just go with the flow."  I hear her voice replay in my head.  Right... I can totally do that. Easy enough.

The flow...

But what is the flow here?  Is the flow kissing or not kissing? Does the flow involve talking or not talking? 

Gah! I need to know what he's thinking. Would I totally ruin everything if I said something? I have to say something.

He pulls back slightly, giving me room to breathe. I immediately miss his closeness. I miss the warmth of his body near mine.  My body notices the loss and begins the pull towards him again.

Good god, I have been single for less than a day and I am already craving someone else.

I am not this girl.
I am independent. 
I am intelligent.
I do not crave any guy.
I have my head on straight.

I will NOT fall for him. Or his tricks.

"Kat?" His eyebrows draw together, giving him a look of concern.

Shoot. How long have I been sitting here staring off into space?

"Uh... Yeah?" My voice comes out strained. What the heck is wrong with me?  I bring my hand up to hide my face. Maybe if he can't see me, he will forget I'm the idiot sitting here.

Hey, a girl can hope, right?

No such luck. He pulls my hand away to gently lay it on the table, but he doesn't release it.

"You okay?" He quirks a brow. I wonder if he feels the flow of electricity between our hands like I do. Does he feel the pull between our bodies, as though they long to be united?

Or am I just totally crazy?

I glance down at our entwined hands ignoring my brain's plea to pull away.  This connection with him is oddly comforting.

My eyes slide up to meet his. "I'm fine." I manage to get the words out, but even I'm not convinced.

He lets out a soft chuckle before leaning forward to whisper in my ear. "I can literally see the wheels turning in your brain."

I pull back, my mouth dropping open. God, could I be any more awkward? 

I'm not sure what to say, but he continues without prompting.  "I didn't realize anyone actually thought that hard." His cocky smirk returns.

I scoff, yanking my hand from his.  "Sorry to burst your bubble, but not every girl is an air brained bimbo." I cross my arms while leaning back to glare at him.

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, his hands raised in surrender. "I never said that."

"Yeah, well... I have thoughts." Crap. That was really lame. "Deep thoughts." Yeah, that didn't make it better. How much did I drink?

"I bet you do. I didn't mean to imply anything about you... or the entire female gender."  He seems genuine, but maybe he's being condescending.

I can't decide if I want to believe him or not.  Being offended is easier than being vulnerable.

"Well, maybe you don't know everything." I try to hold onto the indignation, but I feel it slipping away as the confusion fills his eyes. 

I can tell he's trying to figure out where my hostility is coming from and where he went wrong, but I just want to be angry.  And it has nothing to do with him.

"Never said I did." Insecurity flashed across his face amplifying my need to comfort him. Opening up could be a terrible idea. I'm going to blame the alcohol in my system.

"I..." I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "I... uh... tend to over think things. Pretty much everything. And today... actually yesterday, at this point, was not the best day." 

"I didn't know..." His eyebrows draw together, the concerned look returning to his beautiful face. "You really can talk to me you know."

He gently pulls my hand back to his and begins to rub his thumb along my palm. An involuntary shiver runs through my body.

I am so screwed.

He's not only incredibly good looking with the body of a Greek god, but he seems to be a pretty good guy...

Dang it. I will not fall for him.

I feel drowsy, like I'm floating.  "But can I trust you?" I whisper.  In the back of my brain somewhere, I know that was lame... but I can't filter anymore.

"Of course." He looks deep into my eyes, like he's trying to convince me, but I'm already convinced. My eyes burn from the need to close them.

I open my mouth, unsure what's going to come out. "The douche bag knew I would catch him, didn't he?"

"What are you talking about?" I hear his voice through the haze.

I'm not sure how to explain. "He had... she was... he had her... doing that... in our bed. He probably just wanted an excuse to get rid of me. I was too boring. I could never do... that... what she was doing... I couldn't.  I wouldn't."

I hear male voices mumbling. It feels like there's water in my ears. I think 'Ness is talking, but I can't understand her.  But she will understand what I'm trying to say.  She always understands me.

I can't stop myself now that I've started. "I really thought he loved me... God, I loved him... Didn't help though. I'm not what he wanted."  Spots dance in front of my eyes. And my lungs burn.

"Why am I such a prude? Why wasn't I enough?" It's hard to breathe... and my face feels wet.  Am I crying?  I really need air.  Everything hurts.

I can feel my body giving into the darkness, as my mind drifts to my soft bed.  I just want to sleep. I just want this night to end. I feel my eyelids growing heavy.  I'm unable to stop them from closing, not that I would want to.

"Kat?" I hear Ben's anxious voice in the distance, but all I can feel is my body giving into sweet sleep. My body just wants to shut down and I want to let it even though I know this isn't a good idea.

As he catches me in his strong arms and his scent surrounds me, he is my last thought before the darkness pulls me under.

I will not fall... any more... for him.