Again (PUBLISHED!)

Chapter 38.

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My heart broke listening to Devon narrate his past. He was just stood like a stone, his eyes mirroring emptiness just like his voice. Behind his steel demeanor lay hidden countless layers of anguish which tore him apart everyday. It was only when I placed an assuring hand on his shoulders than I actually felt the violent unrest and the emotional turmoil that was going on within him at that moment.

I noticed a lump appear in his throat as he spoke again, " Living in a crowded city and its busy mechanical life somewhat made the ordeal bearable to me but Cheryl wanted to move to the suburbs and thus I was forced to leave the city and shift to a much quieter place."

"I hated the quiet suburbs 'cause there was no external chaos around me into which I could drown my pain. We moved around from one suburban neighbourhood to another because I made sure my father and his new family never got to live in peace anywhere. Then we arrived at Crawford Lane and I didn't wanna go elsewhere when I saw you."

Devon glanced sideways at me for the first time in his entire monologue. I was overwhelmed by the amount of truthfulness I saw in his eyes. I wrapped my hands around his arm that was towards me and leaned my head affectionately on his shoulders.

I was too numb for words but I wanted to put it across to him that I was there for him, no matter what.

"I abhorred the thing that was breathing in Cheryl's filthy womb," spoke Devon in a heavy voice. "I regarded it as the reason my mother ended her life. But when Jackson was born, I-I couldn't hate him....I tried to but couldn't...I was drawn to him. I began to love him. That's when I realized Jackson couldn't be the reason behind my mother's death...It's not his fault that he was born anyway...But at times, I-I don't know what comes on me.. ..I start to strongly believe that my mother would have been alive and by my side if Jackson wasn't born and then I tend to be very harsh with that innocent kid which is so so fucking wrong...."

As I gazed up at him feeling his body quiver, I caught Devon teary-eyed. He was in so much agony that it was difficult to leash it within him. Devon turned away from me and started to rub his eyes with his sleeves. But there seemed to be no end to the tears. I gave him time to recover from the meltdown. When his trembling body seemed to have finally calmed down, I turned him around to face me.

I cupped his face as I looked into his glazed eyes and spoke solemnly, "You ain't wrong for me, Devon. And you're not alone anymore. I am there for you. We will overcome our faults and shortcomings together."

I brought my face closer to him and pressed my lips onto his pale ones. I moved my mouth slowly over his, kissing him softly. I couldn't bear to see him weak and broken. My hands went into his hair as I ran my tongue across his cold bottom lip but the moment I pulled his lower lip into my mouth, I felt his pulses heat up and he seized my lips for a searing passionate kiss. I moaned against his hot tongue feeling his long fingers entangle in my hair and I pressed myself further against him as the heat of his mouth took over me...

His passion burnt my breaths and he was extremely wild and rough but this was exactly how I wanted to be physically intimate with him, raw and intense. Because this aided me to go beyond the dark sensuality of his skin to suck the immense pain and agony within him....

Devon looked a lot better after we broke apart from the long searing kiss.

Devon spoke very little as we drove back to Crawford Lane. There was a whole new perspective to him that had come to light with the revelation of his past. His every action that had been written off as rebellious, I came to see so much meaning in them. I understood Devon's day to day struggles with his own self to cope up with his traumatic past.

Devon no longer came across as reckless or highly unpredictable to me, I understood why he must have reacted the way he did in all those situations including his sudden uncontrolled bitter behavior towards his young step-brother at times.

I was looking out of the window at the deserted streets that we were passing through. And when I turned my face the other side to glance at him again, I instantly knew something was horribly wrong with Devon....

An eerie chill spread over my skin seeing his face contort with pain, regret and frustration. I froze in my seat seeing how harshly his fingers had clutched the steering wheel. I could literally feel the raging ball of temper that was building inside him...

"D-Devon, what's wrong?" I asked in dread.

He didn't look at me but continued straining his hostile eyes at the road in the front. "For years I couldn't sleep at night 'cause I was haunted with images of mom's lifeless body drifting in the middle of a mighty sea."

"Devon--Devon, calm down," I tried to pacify his agitated form.

"Why?!!" he screamed, his voice breaking in anger and pain. "Fucking why did mum had to leave me? I told her everything's gonna be alright. I told her I was never gonna leave her side. I told her we didn't need dad. I told her we didn't need anyone. Then why was it so important for her to quit life? How did she even come to think that I'd be happy with that man who brought her death??!! How did she..."

Words died in his throat due to his raging temper. And before I could say or do anything, Devon was driving extremely fast, his cold and inhuman eyes fixed on the empty road ahead. I felt my entire body turn numb out of fear seeing the pointer of the speedometer indicate that the car was speeding at a frightening and threatening pace....It was just the start of a reckless and ferocious driving....

"Devon, slow down!!! Please!" I yelped in alarm, putting a trembling hand tightly around his stoned arm and squeezed my eyes tight shut.

I heard the harsh screeching of the tires as the car swerved dangerously before Devon made the car come to a sudden and rough halt which made me gasp.

And just as the whole nightmare had started, it came to an end too all of a sudden as the roaring engine of the car fell silent.

I jerked my eyes open and struggled to fill some air inside me. Devon leaned his head back against the headrest breathing in despair.

"I ruined everything tonight," he whispered in guilt. "As much as I tried not to but I ended up doing it anyway. First by telling you about my fucking background and then this. I'm sorry."

"You did not ruin anything, Devon," I said meaningfully. "You brought me closer to you tonight. And I couldn't be happier," I added, placing my hand over his sweaty one.

Devon was startled. He looked at me as though he couldn't believe his ears.

"Are you sure?" he asked, dreading he had misunderstood my words.

"More than you can possibly imagine," I gave him a smile.

It was hard to smile though considering the fact that if the roads weren't empty, we would have had a horrible accident and landed either in hospital or he in jail again....

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously.

"Yeah," I responded. "You?"

"Yes. Now I am."

"Devon, your mum took such a drastic step because she loved you and didn't want to ruin your future. She wants you to be happy always and we will be happy," I said, intertwining my fingers with his.

By the time Devon resumed driving, I was so tired and exhausted that I didn't even remember reaching Crawford Lane.