Sickly, Sweet - Book One

Ch. 15 - Temptations

"It's okay not to be okay."
Song for this Chapter is Who You Are by Jessie J

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A selfish feeling boils in my throat. Nevermind that she's 'the good one,' she told me a grave fact that could change everything. I couldn't be Queen, even if I wanted it. If I did assume a throne, I would not be fit. The role belongs to someone more adequate.

"I know what you're thinking," she breathes out.

"Do you?" I scoff, "everyone seems to know these things before I do, lately. Frankly, I'm sick of it."

She stands and Valentine rests his elbows on his knees, evidently, contemplating on something deep. "The future is never set." Her voice is more serious this time. Ari takes a walk around the living room while I follow her movements with my eyes. "It always changes according to which path you take. That is why agency is crucial."

I squeeze my fists to a close. "So, if I choose not to become Queen, whenever that may be," Valentine's deep blue eyes pierces right through mine and I feel a sense of sympathy from him. "Then my future will change?"

She flicks her hand and the light outside dims to the soft color of sunset. I would have been distracted if I wasn't so focused on the current conversation.

"Saphira, I don't want you to think that the future can merely change. Choices tip the balance between fate and chance. When one side lacks weight the other makes the difference."

I don't have a life. It's a sick and mindless game and everyone but I is playing my piece.

My jaw hangs. "Are you saying that this will happen no matter what I do?"

"No. What I'm saying is that you need to keep your mind and your options open."

"If I become Queen, would it mean that Datura will die?"

"If it is to be," she mutters. "You're the only one that can do it."

Abruptly, I stand and Valentine's head jerks up to study me. His eyes were pooling with concern. My heart beats erratically and aggressively against my organs. It caused my stomach to cave in and my lungs to pump air deeper.

"I," my eyes shut from the years of emotions threatening to spill from my soul. "need a moment."

I move and so does the house. I became aware that it was alive. "I'm sorry, if that startled you, this house moves upon the request of those under its roof. You will find everything you need and want here. Please, make yourself at home."

I nod stiffly and proceed into the changing walls, wanting to conceal myself from the world. I feel overwhelmed. I didn't think it was possible to get the feeling that I have trained myself to disregard. There was a time when I was consumed by my emotions and irrational thoughts. I swore to the heavens that it would never happen again, yet look at me now.

The house had morphed itself into the perfect place for me to clear my head. It was merely an enchantment but it felt like I was truly there. The ceiling was nonexistent and multiple pillars shot towards the midnight sky, resembling ancient Greek ruins. I could not distinguish if it was from memory or my own imagination, it simply felt good.

The cool wind intertwined through the stone, my fingers and my lungs. I laid myself down and focused on nothing but my steady breathing. I lift my hand to study them.

All of this for nothing. All of this, to succeed my mother for her malevolent throne. I certainly don't want it and certainly not required to do so, despite what she thinks. I will take it once the sun stops shining.