Gravity

Chapter Nineteen

Beatriz

How many times can a heart break? Into how many pieces can it be broken? How many times do I have to die because of the pain?

When Jho told me that she's in love with Marci, I felt like I'm in some kind of a really bad nightmare. I dropped everything that I was holding. I wanted to wake up so bad that I pinched myself so hard my arm bled. I saw the blood but I didn't feel the pain coming from the wound because all I can feel is my heart breaking into a million pieces. But the most heart-breaking of it all is that I didn't wake up from the nightmare. And I just realized it's all true. I looked at Jho, trying to find some sense into what she said but all I saw was a pair of eyes, blankly staring at me. I wasn't able to say anything. I wasn't able to ask her why. I think my voice was sucked out of me that I can't bring myself to speak. As if on cue, my tears went gushing down and everything was a blur. I started running. I heard someone call my name, not even sure who it was. I just kept on running away from that place, away from Jhoana. I reached my car and as soon as I went inside, I punched the steering wheel and that is when I broke down so hard. Because for the second time, Jho did it again.

I don't know what happened during the days that followed. I locked myself up in my room, shutting myself out to the whole world. I was trying to make sense of everything that happened. Just when I heard my Mom crying outside my room, urging me to eat, that I decided to open the door of my room. As soon as she went inside, I hugged her and cried so hard. My Mom just hugged me back, assuring me that everything will be alright.

Before I knew it, it is already Christmas Eve. So here I am now, trying to muster the courage to go on with my life even if deep inside me everything is falling apart, just for the sake of my parents who became so worried. Even Maddie and Cole who weren't supposed to be back until the New Year decided to cut short their honeymoon and spend the Christmas with us, with me. Mads got really mad when she heard what happened. I don't know why I can't seem to do the same. I can't get myself to be mad at Jho. May be I just love her too much? And now my love for her is slowly killing me.

EJ and her family decided to spend the Christmas with us, too. I think my Mom is just scared of what I'm gonna do if it will be just the three of us who will celebrate that's why she invited them, same with Maddie and Cole.

The four of us, me, EJ, Maddie and Cole, are having our drinks for the night. Alcohol has been my friend for the past week. It may not completely wash out the pain but still, it makes me fall asleep at night. They keep on telling funny stories and as much as possible, avoids mentioning Jho's name. I know that they are doing this for me. But they don't know that despite all that, my whole being is screaming of Jho. I want to see her. I want to hug and kiss her. I want to greet her a Merry Christmas. So when I thought no one was looking, I got my car keys and took a drive to Jho's apartment. My head's already woozy but that didn't stop me go to her.

I stopped my car in front of her apartment. I saw that the lights inside are on, signifying that she's inside. I went out of my car and made sure that I am sober or at least looked like it before I pressed the doorbell twice. I heard her footsteps coming and her voice asking who it was. I didn't bother answering.

She stood frozen upon opening the door, realizing it's me. The moment I saw her standing in front of me, I can't help myself but hug her. I wrapped her in my arms, not minding that she's not hugging me back.