Gravity

Chapter Twenty-Three

Beatriz

It's already 3 am. I looked at Jho while she is soundly sleeping next to me. I can't sleep, afraid that she might be taken away any moment from me. I don't even want to blink. She doesn't look like sick to me. Or maybe I am just afraid to even consider it. I remembered how her head used to hurt even when we were still in Boracay. Sometimes, I would find it odd that she would always have migraines. I even asked her to go to the hospital but she would always dismiss the idea right away, saying that it's just a simple migraine and nothing more. If only I knew then that it is definitely something more, I would've carried her to the hospital right away. But would it even make a difference? If she was diagnosed earlier, would there still be a chance for her to get better?

I suddenly felt the tears falling from my eyes and they can't seem to stop. I silently cried my heart out, afraid that Jho might wake up and find me like this. I don't want her to see me crying. It would break her heart. But it's hard. All I wanted to do is scream and I can't do so. Lord, why does it have to be like this? Why does she have to be sick? I tried so hard to control my sobs but I wasn't able to hold any longer as a helpless cry escaped my mouth. I felt Jho move and I was quick to wipe the tears away. She opened her eyes and found me staring at her. I just smiled.

"Bakit hindi ka pa natutulog?" I can't even tell her the reason why I am still awake. I don't want her to know how afraid I am.

"I am not yet sleepy, Love. Just go back to sleep, okay?" Then I leaned to kiss her forehead and started caressing her cheek. But she didn't close her eyes. Instead, she reached out for my hand and held it tight.

"Bei, huwag kang matakot matulog, okay? I promise, I will still be here when you wake up." She brought my hand towards her lips and kissed it. How sure are you, Jho? I closed my eyes to prevent myself from crying. "I'm sorry." I looked back at her, unsure why she is saying sorry all of a sudden. Her eyes are sad. "I'm sorry kasi wala na akong ibang ginawa kundi ang saktan ka." What? No! I lied down beside her and hugged her. I rested my chin on top of her head.

"Don't ever think like that Jho. Kahit kailan, hindi ko pinagsisihang minahal kita." I reached for her chin and made her look at me. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Jho. No amount of pain can ever change that." Tears fell down from her eyes but she still managed to give me a smile.

"You are making it hard for me to leave you." I just hugged her again.

"Then don't." I felt her hands hugging me back. I don't know how long we stayed like that before finally falling asleep.

I woke up the next day and realized that Jho is not beside me anymore. Nag-panic ako nang hindi ko sya makita sa tabi ko kaya agad akong napatakbo palabas ng kwarto. I didn't bother na ayusin ang sarili ko. Then I saw her in the dining area, already setting up the table. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag pagkakita ko sa kanya. Is this how it really feels when you are so scared to lose someone? Mawala lang sya kahit saglit sa paningin ko ay pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako mapakali. She noticed me approaching her and gave me a bright smile.

"Good morning!" Nang makalapit ako sa kanya ay agad ko syang niyakap. I just had to make sure that she's real. Naramdaman kong niyakap nya din ako pabalik. It is until that time na tuluyang napanatag ang loob ko. Bumitaw din sya kaagad sa pagkakayap nya sa akin. "Kumain na tayo? Nag-luto ako ng breakfast. Syempre, meron din nung kape ko na paborito mo." Pagkatapos ay hinila nya ko para makaupo na at agad na nilagyan nang mga pagkain ang plato ko. She cooked my favorites, bacon, eggs, and toasted bread. Habang hinahainan nya ako ng mga pagkain ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na titigan sya. I just can't believe na okay na ulit kami. "Huy! Hindi ka na nagsalita jan!" Agad kong hinawakan ang kamay nya at hinalikan ito.