Gravity

Chapter Twenty Two

Jhoana

I know that I just made a major decision of accepting the job in Dubai. I still don't know what's going to happen to me there. I am afraid, too. But right now, I am more afraid of what's gonna happen to me kung hindi ako aalis. I want to forget Bea. I want to be happy again, at least before I die. I can't deny the fact that a part of me wants to stay, too. Tinatanong ko din yung sarili ko kung ito ba talaga ang gusto ko. My mind is telling me to go to forget everything about her but my heart is saying otherwise.

As soon as I got in the office the next morning, I went to Ms. Rach's office and informed her that I am accepting her offer. She was ecstatic and immediately phoned the management. When I got back in my cubicle ay nakita ko nanaman si Marci. He's eyeing me curiously. I gave him a 'what are you looking at?' look.

"So?" He asked as I went to open my laptop.

"So what?" I tried to pretend that I don't know what he's talking about. I just don't want him to scold me because I'm sure he will.

"Oh come on, Jho. Don't play dumb. Did you accept it?" I guess he will learn of it rin naman from Ms. Rach so what's the point of delaying it, right, so I just gave him a nod and tried to act as non-chalant as possible.

"Shit, Jho. You really don't know what you're getting into." Wrong.

"Alam ko kung anong pinapasok ko, Marci. I chose this." He just shook his head before going back to his cubicle. Maybe he's already tired of explaining how bad my decision was. But I'm tired, too. I'm tired of bearing this pain of losing Bea for too long already.

The day went pretty quick for me. Marci went out of the office ahead of me. Hindi parin nya ako kinakausap. I somehow felt sad. He's all I have now tapos ay galit pa sya sa akin. I never felt so alone in my life. I suddenly had the urge to see Bea. Before I knew it, I was driving my way towards her house. It was already dusk when I arrived. I stopped the car in front of their house across the street. I am not planning on letting her see me. I even exchanged my car with Therese's and told her na ibabalik ko na lang bukas para lang hindi malaman ni Bea na andito ako. I just want to see her. Kahit ngayon lang, bago man lang ako umalis. I just waited there. I even put my phone on silent and tossed it at the back of the car para walang istorbo. My only wish is that hindi sana sya dumating nang kasama si EJ. Just for tonight, sana makita ko sya as the regular Bea. Hindi yung makikita ko rin na may nagpapasaya sa kanyang iba.

Four hours have passed. Pero walang Bea na dumating. I'm sure na hindi pa sya nakakauwi nung dumating ako. Hindi ko pa nakikitang bumubukas ang ilaw sa kwarto nya. Maybe she's with EJ. Maybe they have a date or something. Parang kinurot ang puso ko sa naisip ko. Dati ay ako ang kasama nya sa mga date. Ngayon ay ibang tao na. Siguro nga hindi lang meant to be. Kahit isang sulyap sa kanya ay hindi na ibinigay sa akin. To save me from a further heartbreak, maybe? Binuhay ko ang makina nang sasakyan ko at sa huling pagkakataon ay tiningnan ang bahay ni Bea. This will be the last time.Then I left.

Beatriz