Avengers x reader

Goodbye (Steve x Reader)

Sad fic. Also TRIGGER WARNING: Attempts of suicide, and cutting of the wrist. I thought of suicide when I was in Sixth Grade, but I got help from my amazingly sweet counselor. Now I am entering Ninth Grade and I haven't thought about it since. If anybody things about attempting suicide, just talk to me. Also Asshole Steve.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  The lonely girl is forever dreaming of something she can't reach and
Churning, churning the insides of her flustered mind.

  "There's no problem." she mutters; has she lost her words? 

  Another failure, another failure. 

If it ends in search of the mistakes, once again, she'll spin!   

"Agent (Y/L/N)! What were you thinking? You almost cost us this mission!" Steve yelled. She flinched, looking down ashamed. "Capitan I'm So-" The assassin started, but was cut off. "There will be no excuses! You almost caused Natasha and Clint there lives because of your clumsiness!" Steve shouted, looming over the smaller female. "I just wanted to he-" Again, cut off. "I think you have done enough helping. Any mission from now on you shall be excluded from." With that Steve walked away, to one of the pilot seats. (Y/n) just stood there, frozen. 

Then she looked over to her group of friends, they were just as shocked as well. Nat walked up the ramp and hugged her friend. "It's Ok (N/n), in a few days Steve will probably forget about it.(Y/n) sighed. She had messed up again. 'I almost cost us the mission! God, why can't I do anything right!?' The young (h/c) woman thought to herself. She entered the Quinjet and slid off her bullet proof vest, throwing into the seat next to her.

"Yeah.." The (h/c) woman' voice cracked as she nodded, giving Nat a sad smile. The others walked to their seats. Clint patted her hair as he walked to his pilot seat. Thor kissed her forehead. Bruce and Wand hugged her, separately though. Pietro touched foreheads with her, smiling at her. Vision grabbed her shoulder lightly, then walked away. Bucky glared at Steve when he didn't look. "Don't worry (N/n), Steve is just mad at the whole situation, not just you." Bucky said, trying to comfort her, but his efforts were in vain. 

(Y/n) sat down as the engines started, and just stared at her feet. 'The team doesn't need me, I'm just a nuisance to them.' (Y/n) thought to herself, and sighed, looks like after today she'll see her old friend, her razor.

The team Had gotten back to Avenger's Tower, and (Y/n) was still ashamed of what she had did, and what she had caused. She tried to help Nat, but that only ended up getting them both hurt, and the bad guys had gotten away. Clint tried to save them, he had ended up shot in the side. This also caused hundreds of casualties, but all civilians were only wounded, none dead, which cheered (Y/n) up a little. But to Steve, she fucked everything up.

  One more time, one more time.
"I'll roll today too."
The girl says, the girl says
While playing with the meanings in her words!

"Are you all right now?"
"Not just yet, because there's still a long ways to go and I can't see the end. Stop breathing, right now."  

"Si- Steve please! I know that I can do this! I'm the only one who can do this!" (Y/n) pleaded to Steve, but to no avail. This mission was important for the Avengers, they were to infiltrate a Hydra base, and eliminate its overseer. "No Agent (L/N), you will not take part in this mission, you've done enough for me to see that from now on, you will be watching over the Tower while we are gone." Steve stated. This enraged (Y/n). She had gotten better since the last mission! She had gotten stronger, more reliable! Now she was to be a house sitter!?

The smaller woman clenched her fist so tight, she felt blood start to leak out of her (s/c) skin. She looked down, tears in her eyes and she mumbled, "Yes sir.." Then she walked to her only safe haven, her bathroom. She locked the door, grabbed a razor from a random drawer, and slowly began to slit her left wrist. She sighed as she felt the warm, red liquid run across and down her wrist and hand. She felt a relieved sensation, but the was Steve looked at her, it was a look of disappointment. This caused her to cry. She stayed in the same position for hours, making more cuts, crying more tears. She got up to look in the mirror, Her face paler than before, her arms stained a bit red. She leaned her body against the wall, slowly sliding down it. 

"I just want to die."

The rollingirl is but a mere shadow of who she once was, unable to reach the colour on the other side 

The overlapping voices mixing, mixing with each other.  

  "There's no problem." the words she muttered were lost.
How can she possibly turn out fine when
The hilly roads entice her and cause her to make mistakes.  

  One more time, one more time.
Please let me roll
The girl says, the girl says
While silently repeating her meanings!  

"Hey, you Ok?"Tony asked the (s/c) woman as he slid into the seat next to her. She shook her head no. "Why would I be Tony?  Last week I...I almost cost hundreds of people their lives! You really fucking think that I would fucking Ok?" (Y/n) shouted as she banged her fist on the counter top. Tony grabbed her and engulfed her into a bear hug. Tony whispered soothing words into the young womans ear, kissing her forehead as she cried into his shoulder.

"No one died though. You need to look at the bright side of things sweetheart." Tony whispered, smiling when she looked up at him. She looked at him with sad eyes, there was no bright side to her, only the deep dark abyss. "Tony I'm glad I have a friend like you," You started as you left the hug and started to leave the room.

"But there isn't a bright side for me."

 "Are you all right now?"
"In just a little longer, we might be able to see something very soon. I'll stop breathing right now."  

  One more time, one more time.
"I'll roll today too."
The girl says, the girl says
While playing on words with a smile!

(Y/n) opened the door to her room, and she saw a picture of her when she was little. She was smiling so happy, it was a real smile. She had forgotten the feeling that made her smile like that. Looking at the picture made her even more depressed, she sank even deeper into a deep, dark abyss, and no one would help. She picked up the picture and threw it across the room.

"You've done enough."

"You cost us the mission."

"You almost cost them their lives!"

The voices wouldn't go away. she shoved everything off her dresser, her desk, her nightstand, anything. She just broke anything until her room was a complete disaster. She looked at the mess, then backed into a corner and curled up into a ball cried.

Her door was kicked down and everyone flooded in. Bucky ran to the distressed woman and held her. He brushed his metal arm through her (H/l), (h/c) hair. She cried hysterically into his shoulder, she couldn't breath. The bucky saw her arm, and pulled her sleeves up. She saw Steve, his face horror. (Y/N) had many, many cut marks on her wrist and arms. She ripped her arms from Bucky's hold and ran.

  "Are you all right now? It's okay. You gradually became tired of it too, right?"
We'll hold our breath, right now.  

(Y/n) stared down at the bust street from the ledge of the roof. 'This is it, once I do this, I won't be a nuisance anymore.' She thought to herself. She inhaled deeply, then exhaled, looking up from the street. She turned around, closed her eyes, then leaned backwards.

The wind felt good in her hair, she had finally felt free. Free from all the horror filled, disappointing stairs from him, and everyone else.

THUD

(Y/n) hit the ground hard, and people screamed. She saw Steve rush her and held her, crying. "(Y/n) don't you fucking dare close your eyes! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I yelled at you! I'm sorry I was a dick! Please don't leave Please!"

All she saw was his crying face before she saw nothing but black. There was no white light, only a cold, dark abyss.