Justice in Love

Ch. 23 Home Improvement

The next day's trial was long. It was tiring. With every argument Evan made, my heart broke and broke. It crumbled at everything he was saying. My chest hurt. My head ached.

I sat in the courtroom all day with my dad by my side.

Reed hadn't come to court. He had to work, meeting with clients all day. He said he wanted to come, that he wished he could've, but he didn't.

Since our spat at dinner, we hadn't spoken much. We went to bed and turned away from one another as we slept. It was painful. It was almost as painful as Evan.

But Reed and I weren't engaged. We weren't committed. We were dating. Yeah, we lived together, but I could always move out of his place. Living on my own wouldn't be so bad. . . but I didn't want to move out of his place. I liked living with him, waking up beside him, going to bed beside him. I enjoyed being with him. I just didn't like the aching in my chest that came with our fights, our silent nights.

After court, I went to my office and did some paperwork. I had Dad go home. I just needed to be alone. Of course, that didn't help. It just gave me more time to think. And the more I thought, the more I knew I needed to talk to Evan. I needed my head to stop swimming.

I collected my things and went to Peter and Reed's firm.

Ms. Andrews smiled as I got off the elevator. "Judge, it's nice to see you. Mr. Robinson is in his office."

"Okay, um, is Mr. Jacobs in?"

"Yes, Your Honor. He's in his office."

I nodded and went to his office. I knocked.

"Come in!" he called.

I took a breath and went in. I closed the door behind me. I turned to him.

He looked up. "Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?"

"I've just been thinking."

"Is your head swimming again?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Come, sit."

I walked over and sat on one of his chairs in front of his desk.

"What's going on?" he softly asked.

"Jen is getting married."

"Oh, that's great. Is she happy? Is the guy nice?"

"Yes, she is and James is great." Tears came to my eyes.

"Then, why aren't you happy?"

"I'm happy for her. I just. . ."

"You just remember when it was you who was getting married."

I nodded. "And she came over last night and we talked and she couldn't remember how you asked me."

"What's the problem? Did you not remember?"

"No, I just remember too much. That feeling when you slipped the ring on my finger. The feeling of anticipation as we started our life together. And it-it hurt to think about, you know?"

"I do."

"And I want to be happy, but I can't be happy because I'm finding it impossible to move past that one moment. How do I go from that moment to starting over with someone else? How do I backtrack?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out too," he whispered.

I wiped my eyes and cheeks. "I don't know what to do, Evan, because I want to hate you. I should hate you. But then things like last night come up and I get that feeling again."