Throughout high school, Rae has only really liked one person. However, after finding out that he has a girlfriend, she did her best to stay away from him. But can she still ignore it when his presence is just too strong around her? Will she be able...
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I'm so confused about everything.
Did I just imagine it that William and I are together?
If that wasn't a fantasy then how do you explain him disregarding me like I don't exist in his world?
Inalala ko ang lahat ng usapan namin bago siya biglang hindi nagparamdam pero wala talaga akong napunang puwedeng maging dahilan.
Friday na ngayon at ito ang unang pagkakataon na pumasok si William since magsimula ang klase pagkatapos ng break. Nakita ko siya saglit kaninang umaga sa harapan ng lockers. He saw me too but he deliberately walked away like he didn't.
So yes, confused, for lack of a better word, is what I'm feeling right now.
Sinubukan ko naman siyang i-contact ng ilang beses noong una pero wala akong natanggap na kahit ano. Kahit na emoji o tuldok man lang. That's why, I played his game and stopped trying.
Aira and Rus are acting like strangers, too. Naiinis rin ako kay Rus at alam niya siguro iyon dahil hindi niya ako tinangkang kausapin o lapitan sa classroom.
People around noticed the change again and I wouldn't even be surprised if there are new rumors.
What more, I heard my parents arguing just this morning. They tried to hide it but I think it's something serious that they couldn't help but raise their voices. Nang tanungin ko kung bakit, they just said I shouldn't worry.
Ah, is that all I have to do with everything? Huwag mag-alala dahil wala din naman akong alam sa mga problema nila? I wouldn't understand, is that it?
Maybe I'm actually that useless.
Dahil may clubs ngayon ay magkasama kami ni William sa iisang silid. Aira and Rus must be having fun at their club, too.
Yeah, right.
Sa harapan ako umupo dahil ito ang pinakamalayo kay William. Although this meant that I am seated near Shane, who's still giving me this loathsome look.
"Excellent work, everyone. The evaluations are now done. Here are the names of the students who'll be participating for the upcoming press con," anunsiyo ni Ms. Ocampo.
Isa-isa niyang sinabi ang mga kalahok para sa Filipino at English. Nagulat ako at automatic na napalingon kay William nang tawagin ang pangalan ko.
I caught him looking at me while smiling. He instantly looked away though. Pati siya ay napili rin bilang kalahok ng news writing.
"To the editors and photographers, please make sure you talk to our graphic artists regularly. Ipapasa na natin sa printing press next week ang final layout ng paper natin," paalala ni Ma'am. She continued on with the reminders.
Nag-notes ako dahil baka makaligtaan ko ang ilan sa mga binanggit ni Ms. Ocampo. After a while, she let us discuss among ourselves. Nahati kami sa dalawang team—English and Filipino writers. It was a short discussion for now. Mag-uusap na lang daw ulit kami kapag naayos na sa layout ang articles.
After the meeting, William left first and I'm not even surprised anymore.
Does he even feel a little bit guilty with what he's doing?
Naiiyak ako at hindi ko na iyon kayang lunukin. He can't even tell it to my face why he's giving me this treatment? Ang unfair naman niya.
Bago pa tuluyang tumulo ang luha ko ay tumakbo na ako palabas. Instead of going to the shooting range, I ran towards the school's pool building. Alam ko kasing walang tao roon dahil hindi pa tapos ang renovations na ginagawa sa electrical system ng gusali.
As soon as I got in, I fell on the floor and bawled.
Nagkalat ang mga gamit ko na nahulog. For fuck's sake...
I have to calm down.
"Why are you here?" Lumitaw si Shane mula sa locker room. Basa rin ang mga mata niya at kalat na ang kanyang eyeliner.
"Leave me alone."
"Ikaw ang umalis! This is the only space I have and you're taking it again!" Tumakbo siya papunta sa akin at pinaghahatak niya ako patayo pero hindi ako gumalaw.
"Bitiwan mo ako!" Nagpumiglas ako kaya bumaon ang kuko niya sa aking balat. It stings but I won't let her drag me out—not looking like this!
Sinipa ko ang tuhod niya kaya napaluhod siya.
"I hate you! Sinisira mo ang buhay ko! Hindi pa ba sapat na ikaw ang pinili ni Neil kahit na nilalandi mo na si Mercado? Kinailangan mo rin ba talagang agawin ang posisyon ko sa school paper? What else? Come on, Rae. Tell me! What else do want from me?! Say it I'm gonna fucking give it!"
She sobbed in between her words.
Tumayo ako para lapitan siya.
"Why is it my fault? Ako ba ang nang-iwan kay Neil? Ako ba ang namili ng representative para sa paper?!" I shouted.
"Just admit it, Rae! You are secretly happy that I'm miserable, right? Nagbabait-baitan ka lang palagi because that's what you think is right! You don't even have your own principles." Pinagduduro niya ako.
"Go to hell." Yumuko ako para pulutin ang mga gamit ko.
"No, you go to hell!" matigas na sabi niya bago pinaghihila ang buhok ko.
Narinig ko ang boses ni William sa gitna ng away namin. "Stop it!" he shouted as he ran towards us.
But Shane and I kept on pulling each other's hair and it ended with us falling into the pool.
This isn't good. One of us can't swim that well.
The water pushed me down on all sides. I gagged and struggled but it wasn't long before I had control over myself. Ang ginaw ng tubig kaya't nahirapan ako kaunti na lumangoy paakyat.
It felt like forever but I managed to emerge from the water. Ubo ako nang ubo dahil sa nainom kong tubig.
Hindi ko makita si Shane. Did William save—
Bakit nakatayo lang si William at parang tulala?
"Shane!" sigaw ko habang umiikot para hanapin siya.
Maya-maya ay may narinig akong nagpupumiglas sa isang sulok. Agad akong lumangoy para puntahan si Shane.
She's too far!
"Hold on!" I shouted in between strokes.
Nakikita ko na siya nang malapitan pero sa pagkakataong ito, palubog na siya ng tuluyan sa tubig.
Sumisid ako para hanapin siya. I can't panic right now!
I was relieved when I caught her arm. Hinila ko siya paakyat at siniguradong hindi ko siya mabibitawan.
My vision narrowed. I have to reach the ledge. I held Shane and swam.
"Shit, shit!" Rus cursed as he ran towards the pool's edge. He and some others are just on time. Malapit na kasing bumigay ang katawan ko.
May dalawang tumalon sa tubig para kunin si Shane mula sa akin.
Walang malay si Shane at hindi ko alam kung humihinga siya. A teacher rushed towards the crowd.
Tinulungan naman ako ni Aira na umangat mula sa tubig. She wrapped her arms around me because I was shaking.
We watched as our teacher started compressing Shane's chest. It made me realize how grave the situation is.
Dapat ay umalis na lang ako kanina. I'm really fucking useless.
