His Sunshine, Gabrielle

the boy with the cute brown eyes.

Gabrielle Marie Dasher

Lies would be told if I said I got sleep last night.The voices in my head kept me up most of the night,or the whole night to be clear.They kept reliving the memories of the incident,they kept teasing me for continuing to be alive,even when I badly wish I wasn't,and they kept blaming me for what occurred to me.I deserved it.

The voices-- the demons were right.I deserved this.I caused this.And,I blamed everyone around me for me,but mostly myself.

I sat in my room against the door, reliving each momment I spent in my room from when I was five years old till two weeks ago.The memories were painful,as they played in my head like a film.I felt my eyes tearing up a few times,when a special memory struck me in the chest,but I forced myself to hold them back,and move on to the next memory.I stayed there wondering how different my life will be when I return to California.Zachary calls it home since we were born there, but it's not home if I spent only three years there. New Jersey is my home, even with the horrible memories it carries.It was home because it was closer to Bryson than California will ever be.

Distance hurts,and I never ever had to deal with it till now.I just hoped I could fly up here in a few weeks to visit Bryson on my birthday,and maybe party a little with Dorthy and Weston, mostly West though.

Many things have changed since October 22 of last year, I would say I was getting better, but I would be bluffing.Becoming better means improving,recovering,and accepting--all the things I am not doing for many reasons.

Zachary took custody of all of us,since my Aunt Marie couldn't due to her unemployment.Sadly, I was looking foward to moving to Florida with Aunt Marie,instead of California with Zachary.I didn't want be anywhere near Zachary,or any of my brothers.One thing that has changed was my love towards my brothers,it vanished.The night I woke up in the hospital bed,I looked at them,disgusted by our resemblance,and I was highly embarrassed that these use to be the men I looked up to.They would hug me, but the hugs were like ice to me.They would say they love me, but I didn't.They made me feel angry all the time,and that brought pain to them, I like that.I like when they are hurt, it's like I'm making them feel what I felt that night,when they left me.

We weren't allowed to move away from Zeveda, New Jersey or even Jersey till the assault case closed, and it closed a week ago.It took almost a year,for a judge to finally have the courage to lock up,one of the richest men in this state.And through those long agonizing months,I knew he was locked up,but he wasn't given a punishment until the judge slammed his big hammer,and declared me my justice.A justice that doesn't even begin to lessen the pain I carry on my body,and memory.

Now here I sat in a beautiful range rover, full of luggage driving from the airport to our new town with my brothers.A lot more things besides my hatred towards the boys occured since that night, I got a little more rebelious something very unexpected from me.After all I was the Gabrielle Dasher,the little innocent princess.

After I turned fifteen, I went to my first party which was exciting.I drank with my newest best friend Weston Richardson,the most amazing person I have met on this planet.I have known him since we were little toddlers,and I admit I once had a crush on him.Yet,we grew apart when we were friends during our childhood,until we reached freshmen,and sophomore year.Wes made me break out my shell,introducing me to popularity,parties,drugs,and beer.

It didn't take much for me to fall into the temptation of the adrenaline,I would feel whenever I did something my brothers wouldn't approve of.I made a daily routine to sneak out at night,party till the morning,skip school,and go party again later than night.I was thrill seeker now,so much that I even got a belly button piercing behind Zachary's back.Zach knew what was happening,and would ground me, but that didn't stop me.I was his headache,and I was happy with that.