His Sunshine, Gabrielle

horrible combination

Gabrielle Marie Dasher

     saturday:

Black long fences with long swirls of wire.Brown walls that needed to be retouched due to the paint chipping off.Tall metal doors operated by the two towers that looked like light houses on each side, but inside were panels of buttons and many armed officers.

     "Who are you here to see?" asked an officer with a gun in his hand standing in a defense position against the metal door.I felt intimidated already and it wasn't helping the nerves building up inside of me, that were trying to eat and break me down.

    "Christopher Nolan Dasher." I reply.It felt a bit foreign to say his name.It fell off my tongue and even after a year it was weird calling him Christopher instead of dad.

   My heart was cold and emotionless like metal today. I wasn't even sure if I woke up with life today because I couldn't hear my frantic heartbeat, I only heard it when Carter was near me reminding me I was still alive. I was sure that my cold metal heart would make the metal detectors blare off, screaming through our ears stopping me from seeing my dad, but it didn't. maybe the machine was broken.

   I stared at the grey titled floor underneath me as I walked next to Carter and the police officer escorting us to the visiting areas.Carter grabbed my hand tightly as if I were going to vanish from his side and it made me regret screaming at him last night.Carter kept talking about how seeing my dad would make things better, but it wouldn't and it was hard trying to tell the person you love that nothing was ever going to be better because I'm Gabrielle. Seeing my dad again wouldn't change the fact that I was tainted, that I was closed up like a locked book or that I hated life because life is a constant reminder that I'm Gabrielle.

    and being Gabrielle is the worst thing to be in this life.

    "Wait here, we are going to get him." The officer spoke to Carter and walked into a metal door.

We stood in front of a large see through window that showed tables and chairs everywhere.I noticed a girl talking to a boy who had an orange jumpsuit on, signifying that he was a prisoner.They talked and I couldn't help but notice how broken the girl looked.Her eyes were glossy with red and her hands shook on the cold metal table.And I wondered if that would of been me if Christopher was in here for another reason, maybe for selling drugs, but instead he's in here for selling his daughter.

    "I love you and I'm sorry." Carter whispered against my temple and I wanted him to stop saying that because I found this sudden urge to cry.I wanted to cry because I love him too and that he didn't need to be sorry because I was more than broken, I was unfixable but Carter was still trying to put me back together with his feather type kisses and im sorry.

     "I'm scared." I whispered choking on a sob.I never wanted to admit that I'm weak and that I can be more fragile than paper, but I couldn't contain the thoughts falling off my tongue when the metal door inside the waiting area slowly opened.And suddenly, it was like I was taken back to when I was fourteen because he stood there with the same love in his eyes and I stood there with the same tears in my eyes just like when he told me that he sold me.

    Carter squeezed my hips as we looked at my father and I could only shed tears and nod to the words leaving Carter's lips. "Christopher"

    I took my teary gaze away from Christopher and up to Carter.He stared at my father with concentrated eyes and parted lips.And like he sensed it, he looked down at me and quickly kissed away the tears falling down my face.I gave him one nod before I stepped away from him and pulled back the metal door leading me to where he stood.