His Sunshine, Gabrielle

my fear was him

Gabrielle Marie Dasher

October 21

The date of today, a hot sunny Tuesday in California.This day could be any ordinary day except to the fact that behind this date follows the 22nd.

Tomorrow was going to be the day I was offically scarred for life.It's not only going to be a year that Christopher, my father and Trey, my nightmare would complete their first year in jail, but also the day something in me died and has stayed dead since that night.

Zachary told us we weren't going to school tomorrow, he knew it wasn't going to be an easy day for us.They too lost their father and... a sister.Also, the police station and my therapist from Jersey were going to check up on us, even our family like my aunt Marie.

What worried me was the feeling that I was going to have nightmares again.As soon as monday came along the pressure was setting in as the day got closer and my dreams always brought him back. Tomorrow my panic, my sadness, my anger and my guilt was coming back harder than ever.

I promised to take my pills tomorrow since I secretly stopped taking them.I didn't want my life to depend on them, but tomorrow I needed as much medication I could take in.

"Hi baby." My favorite husky voice whispered in to my ear making a tons of shivers run through my spine.

I smiled up as my brown eyed friend, feeling relaxed as everything was slipping from my mind except for the person in front of me.

"Hello sweetheart." I smirked, remembering my little deal with Carter in an exchange to ride his precious car.

You see I had a blast at the fair with Carter, no words can describe the heat and excitement I felt being with him all night and all weekend.I couldn't even bring myself to stop thinking of how his hands found there way to my waist and stomach as he pressed me to him closely as we danced.We were young and reckless, but just that moment something my in my body flared and I no longer saw Carter as a friend...I saw him as the cute boy with the brown eyes like the one I kinda flirted with when I first met him.

"Oh I love it when you call me that, but before I get lost in your beauty I want to take you somewhere. " Carter said, grabbing both my hands.I was slightly suprised as to how sweet he is being today, he was calling me nicknames like always, but he was complementing me... in a different way.

My ears quickly perked at the sound of him mentioned to take me somewhere. I was heading to lunch almost like breakfast because today I had 10am lunch.I wanted to get out of here, my mind was not focusing on anything, my thoughts drifted into the darkness of tomorrow.

Carter was my distraction from the world and has been with each week passing.

I nodded as he threw his arm over my neck and began leading me over to the exit of the school building.

"I was thinking today we could do something...thriling.There's this cliff on Ocean Ridge Beach, it's been off limits since I was born.The owner who owned the cliff so happened to give up the land a few weeks ago.No one dares go up there because everyone is just use to being on the beach, but I thought maybe we could explore the trails leading up to the cliff then go for a swim.I have our cameras so we can take pictures and everything. The cliff is breathtaking babe, it seeks over the ocean perfectly.So what do you say?" Carter explained, sounding so exicted.I could tell he loved adventure and I was with him on that.

I believe that you should live life to it's fullest.I never wanted to be eighty-four and realize I always wanted to go sky diving, but am to old to do it.I wanted to explore, live, have fun and not stay behind these four walls my brothers put up to protect me.I wasn't going to be this young forever, so why not join Carter on this adventure even though I have a slight fear of heights.