An Impossible Love [l.t au]

11.

Dad's sick. I don't know what to do. I can't exactly handle sick people- that's my father's job. All I do is play piano, really. I mean, apart from being in love with a dude I can't seem to get. 

And suddenly, I feel so sad. Everything in me just drops. Is this what I've become? A person who's in love with someone but can't seem to get them? Now I just feel like a stupidhead. Listening to Twenty One Pilots really is depressing me. You know what they say, though, what you listen to is what you start feeling. 

(a/n: guys i love tøp tho) 

I decided this morning to take the day off school today for Dad, so throughout the whole day I've been receiving texts and calls from everyone. 

Patrick and Brendon are apparently thinking of going on a tour together next year, Sarah and Louis presented their overdue presentation, and Elizabeth has finally decided to on which college she wants to go to. I can't say I'm happy with it, though. We're all separating soon and my heart can't take that. 

That's just the thing. I trust people too easily. I get attached to people way too easily. I become loyal and when that person leaves, I never feel like I can handle it. Thinking about going to college now is making me shatter on the inside. Brendon and Elizabeth have been the two people who have always mostly been there for me. Elizabeth is going a country away. And Brendon? Around the world. 

While both of them are having the times of their lives and making money or trying to, I'll be sitting, mourning and regretting the four years I spent on a boy who gave no damns about me. Not even one to give a single glance at me. 

I feel like crying. I want to cry. Why do I want to cry? I can't cry. No, but literally, I can't cry, no tears seem to be coming out so I look like a retard. 

"Alex, can you grab me a cup of water, please?" My father's scratchy voice calls and my heart shatters. He's never been this sick before. I just hope it's not that cliché scene where in every fan-fiction a family member has to die and the character always has to comfort the girl like come on man. Not being salty, though. 

"On it, Dad." I call back and quickly go get the glass. 

Walking to my dad's room and handing him the water, I sit on a chair beside him for a second. 

"Do you still think about your mother, Alex?" He suddenly brings up and my head snaps up to him. Ow! Why do I keep cracking my neck? Come on this isn't cool, man. 

Where did that come from? Is that even a question, though? "Sometimes," I admit. "Why do you ask?"

Dad looks up to the ceiling before smiling. "I'm sick because I've been thinking about her way too often." 

"Father, you have a fever," I shake my head. 

"She comes in my dreams every night," He sighs, still not wiping that smile from his face. "Sometimes, I wonder what I could've done from preventing that from happening." 

"From her leaving? Really, you couldn't do anything. It was her decision." I bitterly laugh. "I loved Mom so dearly, but she mentally destroyed me." 

And it's true. I had to be sent to therapy because I was so screwed up. And now, it feels like my dad is, too. 

~*~

I feel like the beginning was so depressing. So I tried making myself laugh. Yeah, it didn't work. Basically, what I did was I made faces at myself in the mirror and really it ended up killing my ego. Didn't know how ugly I can look when I try making myself look weird, or when I scrunch up  my nose. 

My phone starts vibrating and I pick it up right away. 

"Hey, Lizzie!" I grin. 

"Alex, I need to confess something," She sniffles and then gives a fake laugh. "Oh God, never thought it'd hurt this bad."