An Impossible Love [l.t au]

53.

before we start this chapter, do you guys genuinely like this book? i reread it and i feel like it's all shit :\ idk.

Louis' POV

I somehow got Alex to ditch school with me today.

We both were in the hallway alone and she kept complaining about how she kept losing at the game she was playing. When I kept trying to talk to her, she should shut me up with a 'Louis, can't you see I'm concentrating?'. And to be fair, she's the one who brought the idea to my mind.

"You know what we should ditch?" She asked.

I automatically assumed she meant school because what else is there to ditch? But no. Instead, she said the awful school sweatshirts we're going to receive today. I couldn't resist to roll my eyes. Helping her off the ground, I said that we should ditch school.

It wasn't the first choice to come to mind, and I don't want to be dragging her into things that I know she wouldn't do. Especially after finally realizing the idea when we were seated in my car, she had worried slightly.

Just slightly.

It wasn't a full on panic attack or anything...

"Oh my gosh, Louis, what if my father finds out? What would my friends say? Oh my-" Gasp. "-what would Elizabeth say? She would be so disappointed, she's always trying to act like my mother." Her eyes widened. "Oh my holy crappy cranking doodles, what if the school calls home and then I get suspended and I won't be able to go to college because I got suspended over ditching school? Louis, what are you doing, turn the car back on, I'm ditching school! But what if-"

My eyebrows furrowed. Crappy cranking doodles. Wow. "Alexandra, calm down and shh. If you're this worried, maybe we should just-"

"Louis! We're going!" She insisted and buckled up, crossing her arms over her chest to let me know that she wasn't coming out the car. With a final sigh, I put my seat belt back on and started the engine once again. "We're not going to get caught, right?"

I shrugged. "No guarantees."

Now Alex sits beside me on the curb of the parking lot with an ice cream cone in her hands. She takes small licks from it as I just finish the small bit of the cone left. We parked the car some neighbourhood down the street from all the stores here, just because Alex said she wanted to walk, too. Then she insisted on getting ice cream so I told her I'd wait out here, but she came back with two cones, making me feel a twinge of guilt.

Since the last time you've been opened to my opinions, the thoughts I had upon Alexandra have changed. I've began enjoying her company. She always seemed open to help and she did. I was shocked with myself for even suggesting to go to Alex. A few months ago I barely knew her name.

She stares down at her ice cream hard. "Louis, can you hold this for a minute?"

I take the cone from her. She flips her head over and gathers all her hair in one place before bringing her head back up and tying it down with an elastic.

"Thanks," She says and takes the sweet back from me. "My hair annoys me sometimes."

Things go quiet again for a couple minutes. Alexandra finishes her food and quietly exhales a sigh, looking the other way opposite from me.

"Not to bring down the mood or anything," She says now looking back at me. "But you've never really gotten to your point."

"My point?" I ask.

"Why do you keep overthinking everything?" She asks quietly.

This is something that I've evidently been trying to avoid. I'm not triggered talking about it, and she's shared enough of her side already, so I wouldn't have a problem speaking about me. But I do and that's only because sometimes, I'm not ever sure what's wrong with me.

I'm just like any other person. Any other son, any other brother, any other friend. Why have I always been treated differently? Why do I have myself be treated differently?

"It just feels like I'm the forgotten one," I start and start fiddling with the piece of jewelry on my lips. "My opinions have gotten shut down and nobody's really...uh, listened to me." I think she gets the memo that most of my problems begin with my family because who else would I be talking about. There really isn't any other person.

"When Parker came, it was clear that I really was the 'beside the point' kid. I get that he's just a kid and all, but they put so much more efforts into him than they ever did to me. They've given him everything I ever wondered existed as a child. They treat me as the test. If something in my life goes wrong, they'll prevent it from happening to Parker rather than helping me get through it."

"Stupidly, I tried getting their attention in the worst ways possible. I came home with bad grades, but that didn't affect them. Instead, that affected me. So I brought up my grades again, but of course, all they did was smile at me. I started hanging out with the wrong people in hopes that they would sit down and actually talk to me but all they ever did was stare at me with blank faces," A sigh leaves my lips. "And that only had an impact on me again."

I used to look at people's family with secret wishes that I'd get that from my parents. I was always shocked to find out that people aspired to be my family just because we had the money. That's when I started noting and observing the way people would look at things that they don't have. Stupid things, at least. Fame, being rich, wanting to be cool, popular.

There was a day where I asked my parents what family meant to them. They sat down with me because I was angry. We had a discussion on about how they love me and it's me who's pushing them away. They only said that shit cause I was in the stage of just becoming a teenager and that's how they envision all teenagers.

Parker was two when that happened and he looked at me with big eyes when I couldn't help but break down. I've never blamed him for anything- he's my brother. There's nothing to blame him for, anyway. He's only seven and he doesn't know. I've never put the full blame on my family, either. But that's what I just don't understand. I don't blame them, but it's their fault.

The next thing I know, I'm being enveloped in a hug. Her arms wrap themselves around my neck and slowly her breathing calms itself. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to react.

"It's okay, Alex," I chuckle out. "It happens. I know how to take care of myself." That doesn't sound familiar.

She still doesn't let go. "I know," She mumbles into my neck. "But I'm glad you trusted me."

And for some reason, I find my arms slowly coming up to embrace Alexandra back.