An Impossible Love [l.t au]

45.

a/n: hey guys, important question down below please make sure to answer!

vote? >.>

It happened again. Louis came after school today. We didn't talk about many things, and didn't do much, either. When I asked him this time what happened, he said the same thing with a softened look and avoided all eye contact.

It doesn't feel like a place I belong.

That's when I decided to change the subject once again and asked him if he wanted to go to the park since my dad would've been home soon and it would've been awkward for everyone. He quietly agreed and I wrote a small note to my dad that I'm at the park since I haven't gotten the time to get a new phone. Father still doesn't know what happened, I just told him that I was being clumsy and dropped my phone from the window.

We walked over to the park on the other side of the road. I was about to start talking about something, when Louis apologized and said that it's his last time coming over and being a bother. I tried to decline, that he's not being a bother whatsoever, but he simply had changed the topic before I got to say the words out loud.

And that's how right now, I'm walking side by side with Louis all the way to the far park. The conversation died a minute ago, but that's how it always seems to be. We'll spark up another conversation then after it'll come to an end, things will be silent for a minute or so before someone would start talking again.

What's weird is that Louis' being awfully quiet today. No arguments, no sassy comebacks, no sarcastic replies to the stupid things I'd say...okay, well, that's a lie. He's still pretty sarcastic. That's just something that doesn't change in Louis, and I don't want it to change. There's no Louis without sass.

"Nice beanie," I voice my thoughts out loud accidentally.

He shifts it a bit. "I wear it all the time."

"It's still nice." I end up murmuring. "I'd always wanted a beanie, but I never got one. I got a top-hat instead."

The only anxious thing about me talking to Louis, is the fear that if I say something, he won't respond and make it unpleasant for me. It'll bring my self-esteem down, and any rejection from Louis would be the worst. So whenever he does reply, I always start feeling giddy inside and relieved.

"Should've gotten a fedora."

I shrug. "That's what I was told by my mother."

From the corner of my eye, I see Louis glimpse at me at the mention of my mother. That's something I'll never get, why people would think that I'd still be triggered. Yes, for two years I had been so fucking miserable. But I'd pushed my feelings down. I'm okay. I'd always been okay.

I fake a light chuckle. "You don't have to look at me like that. I'm not upset."

"That, I've figured. But I can't seem to understand why."

I give a small smile and put my hands in my pocket. "It's not really a big deal, er, anymore. I don't make it one. People have gone through worse, anyway." Before he gets a chonce to counter at that, or whatever, I quickly change the subject once again. "The swings at this park are terrible."

"I know," He says and tells me how one time as a teenager in winter, he found the swing frozen to the core. I don't know how that's possible, but I go along with it anyway and try to continue the conversation until we reach the park.

I have an urge to bring up what Parker told me yesterday. Where had he been after my place? Though I already know that it's none of my business. If I was in Louis' place and someone would keep asking me all these questions, I'd be pretty overwhelmed.