An Impossible Love [l.t au]

30.

I couldn't sleep all of last night. That was just so low of me to do. Ugh, I can't take it back, though. I was finally getting somewhere with Louis but now that's all gone and all because my mouth has a mind of its own and couldn't keep shut.

I've never noticed it, but there really is something about Louis. He really doesn't have that spark I see in most people. My heart sinks. This whole time I had just been making assumptions. Had I been right?

I called him out for something I didn't even know was true or not. He did seem to take offence to it. At the time the guilt wasn't so big, but now it's just coming back to me.

I triggered everyone.

Including myself, but when do I not trigger me?

When Brendon and Sarah pick me up, it's just them talking about another stupid game she's obsessed with. A few nods and hums are heard from me, but that's about it. My headphones were on for most of the ride and my guilt just wouldn't go away.

Reasons I can't be a therapist, I always end up saying the wrong things, whoops.

Nobody knows what happened last night, and hopefully Louis hasn't told anybody either. But why would he? Jack wouldn't care, his ego's too big. Rachel, haven't heard from her in a while. Woah, I really haven't heard from Rachel in a while. Let's hope I don't jinx it. Stacy- when does anybody really notice her, anyway?

As soon as we pull up to the school parking lot, I make a decision. I shall apologize to Louis thoroughly and he will accept it.

Elizabeth knocks on the car windows and we all get out. She squeals and waves papers in our faces. My eyes quickly scan through the parking lot and entrance though to see if Louis' here yet.

"I got a scholarship!"

a/n: OKAY I KNOW I SHOULD'VE DONE MY RESEARCH AND STUFF, BUT I DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT HOW YOU GET INTO UNI AND HOW THAT STUFF WORKS, SO PLEASE JUST GO WITH IT. I'M USING ALL THE RESOURCES I CAN. THANKS.

"Really?" I say, eyes widening just a bit so my eyebrows are lifted.

She nods and shows me the papers. University of Bath. How the bloody hell did she get a scholarship there? Elizabeth then proceeds to explain what happened and then reveals how she was able to persuade all the teachers to give her the best recommendations or whatever.

Welp.

On the way inside, I put my headphones back on. This song's really good and I'm convinced if I listen to it in the morning, it gives me good luck. Just watch me get bored of this song in the next week or so.

"Alex, guess what?" Elizabeth says at my lockers.

I hum in response.

She unwraps a piece of gum and pops it into her mouth. "My parents are inviting you to come with us to the Saturday fair."

I snort. "You parents?"

She shrugs and nods. "For some reason, they insist you come."

That's a first. Don't really know why, but sometimes, Lizzie's parents think I'm a bad influence on her. I probably am. Then other times, they think I'm the perfect friend for her. It becomes a problem when you realize that she has overprotective parents. Does Elizabeth really care, though? Nah, fam. She still does all the things a normal teenager would do.

I grab the big textbooks from my locker and place them in her arms. "Hold this- what's a Saturday fair, anyway?"

The Saturday fair was something Elizabeth had been going to every year. I'd always hear about it, but never really knew what it was. Nobody cared to explain, but that's only because I didn't care enough to listen. I'm guessing it's some religious thing, though.

"It's a convention, sort of. There's ride and things but they're crappy. It's along the shore line so we just usually end up walking around and buying stuff," She grunts when I place two more books on top. "Alex! So yeah. We usually go at night, though. There are fireworks, too."

Closing my locker, I take all the heavy books from her and almost slump from the weight. "This is the event you've been going to for, like what? Seven years?"

"I...yeah." Elizabeth sheepishly says. "It'd be a ton more fun if you came, though."

Do I really have a life to get to on the weekends? "Sure, I'll come."

The bell rings and we then get going to our classes. Fortunately, my first class today is the project I'm doing with Ayesha and Sara. Really, all we do is talk in class so we've barely gotten a start on anything. We don't even understand it properly. What's better than not understanding something and then ignoring it completely?

Oh no. What if Louis told them about everything? Like, everything. Oh well, it's just Sara and A-yes-ha. They've probably done worse.

~*~

Lunch rolls around and I meet up with Elizabeth. All through the periods, the only thing that's been running through my mind is apologizing to Louis. I'm itching to talk to him after yesterday.

"...but then he doesn't understand that I can't. I just can't!" Elizabeth groans.

I look around the cafeteria and a wave of happiness shoots up in me when I spot his fluffy hair.

This is my chonce!

"Okay, I found him. I'll be right back, yeah?" I tell Lizzie and walk over to him. Louis' alone, too. This could either go well or I could end up making things worse. You have one chonce, Alex. Just one. Make it count.

I tap his shoulder. Okay, I'm actually doing this. He turns around with an expressionless face and it doesn't change when he sees me. Maybe he doesn't care?

"Can I- um- talk to you, please?" My lips purse and he raises his eyebrows. We both walk over to the other side of the huge fountain where usually it's quieter. I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry," The blurt comes out. There goes my cool. "I really shouldn't have said what I said. How am I supposed to know your thoughts and your life. I wouldn't know anything. I guess I just got defensive and the funny part is, I don't even know why." I chuckle a bit.

He looks at me the same way he had before. Disappointment fills my stomach.

"I'm really sorry." I look up.

Louis bites his lip. "It's fine."

That's all he's going to say? Well, of course. What was I expecting?

I exhale deeply but quietly. Nothing really happens. We just kind of look around and don't say anything.

A small smile so faint you could barely see it plays on his lips. "I've misjudged you, Alexandra." He says after a while.

My heart skips like ten beats.

"You're not as bad as I've placed you to be."