WRONG // (Harry Styles)

t h i r t y

CHAPTER 30

Harry's point of view

The second she came out of my office with those teary eyes, i expected she found the email.

For the last week, we've really established a relationship. But right after she went through the door, i knew i had destroyed the one thing that really, truly mattered to me.

It's been about an hour since she left, and i can't seem to think clearly even now. Flashes of images from our fight appears in my head and i can't stop it. I am now in my bedroom, laying down on the bed, trying not to throw up.

As the sixth glass of whiskey poured down my throat, my anxiety faded away slightly. But i can still feel it, gnawing away at my insides. My palms are sweaty, and my whole body is tainted with guilt.

I never knew mental pain could turn into physical pain. But the writhing pain in my stomach and chest is enough to know that i can not be without her.

A month. A month is all it took to have her be one of the most important people in my life. Some will say that i am out of my mind, and maybe i am.

I don't want to be sane if that's true.

Where did she go? She probably went to Louis, seeing that she hasn't talked to him much after they fought.

I wonder how she is feeling right now.

I wonder what she is doing right now.

I bet she's by Louis' bed, begging for forgiveness and telling him that he was right about me.

But he wasn't. He kept saying i don't really care about Claire, and i know that's not true. She must have so many questions i wasn't able to answer before she walked out on me. Why i hurt her like that, why i lied. And i don't have a reason she would be satisfied with. I did it out of jealousy. Out of fear that i would lose her. All because of Niall.

I can't help but get angry when i think about him now. I can't believe how Claire doesn't see how he's trying to get close to her. His innocent act won't stick for long.

He knew very well that i didn't like him talking to her, but apparently she is too goddamn important to him to fucking stop making passes at her.

When i said to Claire that i trusted her, i meant it. I know she would never do anything with Niall.

But when i started to realize that Niall liked her, i couldn't have him around her anymore, at least not alone with her.

I groan loudly into the air, the sight of her tearful eyes and heartbroken look still lingering in my mind. I thought the alcohol would help, but i feel like i'm getting further dragged down into abyss.

I feel my body convulsing, so i drag myself to the bathroom, and lean my head over the toilet bowl. As i'm throwing up the alcohol i desperately swallowed when the pain was too much, i think about how she must think of me now.

I know i am not a good person, but now she knows that too.

She knows i'm a manipulative, selfish, possessive person who isolates her from everyone she knows just so i could have her all to myself.

It was delightful, living with her these last few days. Waking up to her body so close to me, her beautiful face illuminating the room.

Being with her, being able to look at her whenever i wanted to.

I can't seem to really wrap my head around the idea that that might be gone forever.

But then i open my eyes, realizing how terrified i am of that idea. I am not going to give up. Not now, not ever.