The Perfect Life

Chapter 18

Bella's P.O.V

Today was not my day.

I spent almost all day sitting on my bed with Sam, mostly just thinking and thinking and thinking. Sometimes I have no idea what I was thinking, sometimes I was just looking at Sam and running my hands down his little tummy. He was being an angel today, he was calm, only whined a little whenever he was hungry or he needed to be changed.

I didn't bother to change either. My hair was pulled in a loose ponytail over my shoulder and wrapped my robe around myself. I wasn't really hungry, I barely left my room after Edward left for work that morning.

I used my time alone to think about my life, about how I ended up here. I do admit it, I miss my single days. The few single days I lived before meeting Edward and even after that there were a few days where I was free to do whatever I wanted when Edward had to keep the show for his wife. I miss going shopping, even when I hated it. I miss the days where I would go with Angela and Jessica to get get coffee and have a girls day. I wish I could have worked at least for a year before agreeing to be a stay home wife.

Most of all I miss when my life wasn't complicated, when I still had adrenaline in my life but I still had peace. I was still able to sit down on front porch and drink a nice cup of coffee without worrying about anyone watching me, stalking me. I was able to call my brother and know he would be there for me. I miss the adrenaline I got whenever I met with Edward in secret and just be with him knowing it was prohibit.

I never admitted to myself this because I used to think it was very selfish of me to think but... I liked being the mistress. I liked being the woman he wanted even when he was married, the woman he desired the most. I liked the fact that whenever we saw each other in his office or my apartment or go to Seattle together when he had his business trips I got the feeling of wanting to get caught in the act.

I used to tell Angela and Jessica I felt horrible about it, that I wished it wasn't that way, that I would have given anything to had fallen in love with the right man but I didn't mean it. I fell in love with Edward and I wanted him, I wasn't ashamed of wanting a married man. It made me feel powerful, it made me feel desired. I said I was ashamed but I wasn't, I was more than thrilled.

Now that woman who used to be his first wife didn't only attack Edward and killed his first child, she has done so many shit to us, I wonder why Edward is still compassionate about her. I get it, they were together for a long time but after all this, he still puts up with her shit. I have to take care of her once in for all, I have to get her out of our lives in some way or another. I hate that woman so, so much. 

My life was less complicated back then. I lived the life but now my brother is dead, the ex of my husband stalks us and I feel... Almost empty at some point when I'm not with him. I need to be with him.

I look down at my baby and smile. "You know, I think I'm going to tell Daddy to take us on a trip," I told my baby. "Somewhere far, far away and quiet where just the three of us would be without anyone else to worry about. No detectives, no crazy exes, no dead brothers. Just the three of us, how does that sound, huh?" I pick his lips with my finger. He giggles. "Yeah, you like that idea don't you?"

He giggles again when I kiss his tummy and lay him on the bed in front of me.

Edward came home very late that afternoon. That was different, he was usually home by six but this time he came home at eight. He looked exhausted and not very open to conversation. When he came home he didn't ask why I was still in bed with Sam. He just kissed me and Sam before changing his clothes.

Everything was silent. I watched him change his doctor unform that I love so much to his causal clothing from the bed without saying a word, wrapping my arms around my legs and playing with Sam's feet.