Starving (A Teen Wolf fanfiction)

Chapter Forty

The next morning, I woke in just my underwear and bra under a simple sheet. Derek was next to me and Peter had left after my shower last night. I roll on my back, staring up at the ceiling. Last night... I can't stop thinking about it. I actually killed someone... I killed two people and agreed to let Peter kill my brother's girlfriend's aunty... What's happening to me? Like I know when I first became a werewolf, the urge to kill came almost instantly. But, this wasn't my werewolf side begging for blood. It was the need for revenge that caused those deaths. I sigh deeply beginning to feel uncomfortable with myself. I sit up running my hands through my hair. I decide to get up and walk to the bathroom, splashing some cold water onto my face. I look at my reflection trying to figure out who I was. I am Marzia McCall. A college student getting a degree in teaching. I am not a murderer... I am not a murderer! My eyes suddenly flash the yellow colour of my wolf eyes causing me to step back. What the... I don't know what to do anymore. Does Derek have to go through this? How many people has he killed...? Is he numb to all this?

"Hey" his voice makes me jump.

"Hey" I whisper looking down at my hands.

"Are you okay? I didn't scare you, did I?" he asks referring to the fact I jumped at his voice.

"No you didn't aha" I laugh softly.

"That's good" He smiles grabbing his toothbrush. He begins to brush his teeth as I just kind of.... Stand there. He stops his actions spitting out the toothpaste out of his mouth before looking at me.

"Marzia... look at me" He orders as my eyes flick up to him.

"What's wrong?" He asks having his eye wander my face.

"Nothing... I'm fine" I reply brushing past him. Am I? Am I really fine? I sit on the edge of the bed, still only in my underwear and bra. My dress was nowhere to be seen but my shoes were at the end of the bed. I walk over to the cabinet of clothes which both Derek and I share. I pull out some grey leggings and one of Derek's shirt as I wanted to feel comfortable in something big. I turn to see Derek putting on some shoes and his black leather jacket.

"Where are you going?" I ask rubbing my arms.

"I need to get some groceries. Do you want to come?" He offers.

"No, I'll stay and work on my essay" I state.

"Alright... I won't be long; I only need a few things" He explains grabbing his keys. I nod slowly watching him leave the room. I sight softly, getting Derek's laptop out as I left mine back at my dorm. I type in his password allowing me to log in with ease as I open a new word document. I could just remember what I last wrote giving me the advantage of continuing my essay with effortlessness. As my fingers kept typing, words began appearing not as they seemed.

You're a murderer

You watched Kate get killed

What is Scott going to think of you now? You allowed Peter to killed his girlfriend's aunty!

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" I scream at the laptop squeezing my eyes shut. As I open my eyes back open the words I thought I read weren't there anymore. My essay for my lecture was there looking as boring as I remembered it to be. What's happening to me? I put the laptop onto the bedside table not wanting what happened just before to happen again. I begin walking around Derek's place trying to distract myself. I beeping noise causing my heart to sink until I realize it was just the washing machine upstairs. I wander upstairs getting what looked to be my dress from last night out. The blood was gone which was a major relief for me. As I turn it around I see the whole back of the dress, covered in blood. A scream leaves my mouth as I drop the dress. My hand covers my mouth as my widen eyes stare at the dress crumpled on the floor. My right arm reaches for the dress picking it back up and turning it over but... The blood was gone. My hands squeeze the dress as I begin to feel frustrated with myself, to the point I wanted to cry. But I don't let myself fall to such weakness. I throw the dress into the drier before lightly stepping downstairs. I sit on the couch putting my head in my hands. What is happening to me? Why do I keep seeing things that aren't there?! I don't want to be like this! I just want to be the college student I was before. Not hallucinating like this! I curl up on the couch, facing the back of the couch. I close my eyes before listening only to the faint sound of the drier going upstairs. I breathe softly as I tried to escape from the world in an indulgent slumber. My eyes spring open as I hear the metal door open, making me think of who it could be. It couldn't be Derek could it? How long was I alone for?

"Marzia?" His voice says as I hear him put bags of food on the ground. He sits on the end of the couch, placing his hand on my leg.

"Marzia are you okay? Please tell me the truth this time" He begs hearing the worry in his voice. I stare at the black couch not wanting to look at him.

"How do you do it?" I ask him softly.

"How do I do what?" He questions.

"How do you kill someone without having to deal with the consequences?"

*Derek's POV*

"How do you kill someone without having to deal with the consequences?" She asks turning to me showing off her watered eyes. I could feel my heart shatter as I looked at her teared up eyes. I knew this talk was going to come but I didn't want to accept it. I hate seeing her like this... She doesn't realize it but I really do care for her to the point if she got hurt I would fucking rip someone's insides out. But that's just the thing...

"I... I don't know how I deal with it to be honest..." I admit. I don't know how to deal with it. I just kind of do...

"Because I killed those two men last night and I don't know how to feel. I killed people Derek! I killed them!" She cries out obviously angry at herself.

"You did it because you had to. They were going to kill you if you didn't stick up for yourself" I state as she places her hands on her face. She begins to cry and my stomach begins to tie itself into knots, seeing her like this.

"Marzia, I would have killed those men if they even landed a finger on you. I would have done that because I wouldn't off have wanted them to hurt you. I'm sorry you had to go through that and you had to take things way out of your comfort zone. But you have to remember, you did it to protect yourself, me and Peter" I add on rubbing my up and down her shin.

"But that's just the thing!" She pulls her hands away looking at me with eyebrows furrowed inwards.

"Peter had Kate in his clutches ready to kill her and it was my choice whether or not she got to live! And I told Peter to do it!" Her voice cracks as she tells me what happened.

"Marzia baby, no matter what, Peter would have killed her even if you said no. He's been wanting revenge on her ever since he was put into hospital. Don't blame her death on yourself" I grab her arms pulling her up and onto me.

"But I can't stop thinking about the other two men. I saw words on my essay saying it was my fault and that I'm a murder! And then I saw blood on my dress when I pulled it out of the washing machine! It was everywhere! I keep seeing things" She cries into my chest causing me to worry excessively.

"I think you should talk to Scott because I think you'll be able to cope with this better talking to others who went through the same as you. Scott was helping me with some hunters and even though he didn't want to kill them, he had to. He didn't cope well... But he knows that sometimes he needs to do that kind of stuff to protect his, our kind." I explain rubbing her back. Her breathing was all over the place, but she has stopped crying.

"I'm sorry this had to happen... I really am Marzia" I frown kissing her forehead. I feel her pull away looking into my eyes with her pink shaded ones.

"I'm sorry but I can't do this right now... I need to go" She whispers getting up from the couch and walking over and getting her shoes and phone/purse.

"Don't leave" I stand to my feet.

"I can't be here right now" She mutters walking to the metal door.

"Marzia please-" But it was too late... I sit back down on my couch staring at the distant wall.