Memories of You

Chapter Twenty-Four - The Never Ending Nightmare

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Depecher thank you. For everything. You are amazing.

Tobias' POV

           

My sleep is filled with images of making love with Tris.  How she felt around me, the way she gasped, moaned, and cried out my name.  How I fell, if at all possible, even more in love with her.  Images of a future with her fill my dreams, of how happy we could be, of coming home to her, and the places around the world we could go. 

However, the nightmare that has me sitting up straight, eyes wide, with beads of sweat rolling down my back is one where all of it is ripped from me.  Where I watch as a faceless enemy kills Tris slowly as I am forced to watch with no means to help her.  And then how that enemy slowly morphs into Marcus, a cruel smile spreading across his face as he drags her unconscious body behind a door I can't get through.  Only to have to hear her screams from the other side, not knowing of the horrors that he is inflicting upon her, as I clawed at the door, screaming her name while the walls closed in on me.

I look over in the dark and see the curve of Tris' bare back.  I slowly trace a finger over the curve of her shoulder, feeling her soft skin under my fingers.  I so desperately want to wake her right now, just for her comfort, but I want her to have a shred of peace before I divulge why I moved our engagement up. 

I sigh and slip out of bed, pulling on a pair of pajamas bottoms.  I quietly walk out onto the balcony, shutting the glass sliding door slowly so I don't wake her.  I hear the waves crashing on the sand in the early morning and wonder how she is going to take the news.  More than likely she's going to be upset and beg me not to go.  Or yell at me from keeping this information from her as long as I have. 

If I had any way to change where I was going I would.  I've seen the horrors of war and what it does to a man.  I've seen men on both sides do horrible things to one another, thinking they were doing it for the greater good.  There is nothing good about it.  I've seen how men come back completely different.  Nothing like their former selves.  I don't want to be changed because something finally breaks within me.  I want Tris to still know who I am if I return to her.

I lean on the railing, trying to figure out how to tell her.  I would give up wanting peace for this world if it meant I was guaranteed to come back to the only woman that knows me, and loves me, flaws and all.  To know that I would never have to worry about our future together. 

I don't realize I've been standing out here as long as I have in the light of the graying sky, till I hear the door open.  I turn and find the most incredible sight before me.  Tris has wrapped herself in the cotton sheet of the bed, and has most of her right leg and left shoulder visible, but her face is full of worry. 

"Why are you out here?"  Her voice groggy. 

I come over to her, wrapping my arms around her.  "I couldn't sleep, so I came out here so I didn't wake you." 

I gently guide her to the deck chair, and sit down, keeping my hands on her hips to keep her close.  I look up into her blue grey eyes, "How are you feeling?"  Concerned that I might have hurt her last night.

She finally smiles, a blush coloring her cheeks.  "I'm a little sore, but I was more upset that I couldn't find my fiancé when I woke up." 

I pull her onto my lap, wrapping the sheet more securely around her, so I'm not tempted.  "I'm sorry if I scared you.  That was not my intention.  I just wanted to give you every opportunity to rest."  I place a small kiss to the side of her temple, trying to pull strength from the simple gesture.