s w e e t a c h e『 jikook 』

t h i r t y - n i n e

slayedbyyoongi MOCHI

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jungkook's pov

"it's you..."

he looked just as shocked as i was, his eyes widened and his mouth ajar.

i wanted to say something but words felt stuck in my throat. i couldn't say anything as i stared at his face, studied his features.

he is hazy? park jimin, the man i love, is hazy?

but as if something had hit him, he recomposed himself, clearing his throat and standing straight to face me.

"why are you here, jungkook?"

"y-you said you wanted to meet me..."

he squinted his eyes at me and shook his head as he laughed. "have you gone insane, jungkook?"

"wait, what? is this your way of apologizing, then?"

"i don't know what the fuck you're talking about. i never called you here and i have nothing to apologize for. so if you'll excuㅡ" he tried to pass by me, but i caught his arm.

"hazyㅡ"

he immediately took his arm away from my hold. he stared at me with wide eyes yet again as he held his arm on his chest using his other hand.

"what the fuck is a 'hazy'?" he tried to smile, yet his face fell and he immediately turned away from me.

but i wouldn't stop. i needed answers. if he's not hazy...then i needed answers from park jimin. why did he start ignoring me after he went to my house and i felt his heart hammering in his chest as i held him that night? why does he suddenly despise me?

i caught him and wrapped my arms around his frail body, engulfing him in an tight but gentle embrace.

i can't let him go. no, i wont. not this time.

"please don't gㅡ"

"no!" he struggled to escape from me. "please! stop, jungkook! no! i don't want this! i don't want you!"

but i had to let him go.

and when i did, he pushed me back so hard i would've fallen to the snow had i not held onto the bench.

"jimin, i'm sorry, i just don't want you to go because i loㅡ"

"ㅡdon't! don't even dare finish that sentence!"

he looked terrifiedㅡnoㅡhe was terrified. he took a few steps back away from me, not looking away from my eyes even for a second.

and suddenly, i stopped asking myself why he was there, if he really was hazy or if he wasn't, why would he be there in the first place? for a second, none of that mattered anymore. i love jimin, no matter who he is, whatever the fuck he did and i would do anything for him not to suffer.

"jimin? are you...are you alright?"

just as i asked, tears started to fall down his cheeks and he immediately tried to wipe them, but they already fell and i saw it.

"jimin, what's wrong?" i tried to get close to him again, but he swatted my hands away from him.

"i'm fine!"

"no, you're not. you're fucking crying for fuck's sake! just tell me what's wrong!"

"don't you understand, jungkook? i don't want anything to do with you anymore!"

"then why did you ask to meet me here?! why do you always bring my hopes up just to throw them against the fucking wall you've surrounded yourself with?! i'm not a toy you can just play with anytime you want, park jimin or hazy whatever the fuck you want to call yourself! i love you! why the fuck is that so hard for you to see?! why can't you just say to my face that you hate me and that you'll never love me?! why do you have to make my heart ache for you like this?!"

"stop blaming me for everything! i don't even know who that hazy you're talking about is!"

"oh, really?" i scoffed and took my phone out of my pocket.

"j-jungkook, stop! i told you, jungㅡ"

pandabines:
JIMIN

when his phone emitted a sound, i looked up at him, his eyes filled with perturbation staring back at me.

and then he cried.

maybe he decided he wasn't afraid of showing me the real him anymore. or maybe he was just finally tired of pretending.

i slowly closed the gap between us and hugged him once again. he rested his head on my chest as he continued to sob in his hands. i softly caressed his hair as my other arm wrapped around his waist.

it felt like forever, holding him. actually holding him and not just by force. he went into my arms on his own. just like he did last time.

and i understood it didn't matter that he wasn't mine.

it didn't matter that he didn't say "i love you" back.

what did is that he trusted me. he trusted me enough to let me hold him. he accepted the warmth he knew my love could bring him. even if it only lasted a few minutes...

for me...that was enough.