s w e e t a c h e『 jikook 』

f o r t y - f i v e

jungkook's pov

"what does this have to do with the anything at all? about how i treat you? how i act like i don't care for you at all? why i lied to you?"

"jimin..."

"it's because i'm fucking scared. jungkook, the only touch i craved for years was yoongi's. the only touch that could calm me down like this was yoongi's. but you came around and changed that. you changed everything, jungkook. you fucking scared me."

"you have nothing to be afraid of, jimin." i tried to hold his hands again, but he only moved his away. "i would never hurt the one that keeps me breathing."

"that's exactly the point! this kind of love, jungkook, this..." he smiled sadly at me.

"this will destroy you."

"i don't care! i've been broken enough! i know enough to love you enough! and i'm not fucking scared to show you how much i can do for you!"

"but i don't want you to make the same mistakes as me!"

"jimin, it's not your fault she killed herself!"

"jungkook...do you even hear yourself right now?"

i couldn't believe i said those words either, but i just had enough of running away. and maybe i knew jimin was right that i was selfish when it comes to being selfless for the one i loved. and none of this even made complete sense but that's just how love is. nothing makes sense than the truth that you want to be with someone so bad, you could lose fucking anything...anything but them. even if you don't even have them in the first place.

"you're talking about someone who ended their own life. you can't...you can't just talk about her as if her life never mattered."

"but it didn't to you, right?"

i didn't know what's gotten into me. i just felt tired. so fucking tired of waiting, so fucking tired of being lied to, so fucking tired of being stupid.

"that's right. and that's exactly why we can never be together."

"your heart is safe with me, jimin! why can't you see that?!"

"i see that. i see that very fucking well, alright. and i hate it. i hate how i've made you like this."

"yes, i am me because of you but why should you hate yourself for that?!"

"and why don't you see that i'm doing this because i love you?"